J. Brian Clarke - Hell Ain't What It Used To Be

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HELL AIN’T WHAT IT USED TO BE

Get any book for free on: www.Abika.com

HELL AIN'T WHAT IT USED TO

By J. Brian Clarke

Get any book for free on: www.Abika.com

HELL AIN’T WHAT IT USED TO BE

Get any book for free on: www.Abika.com

PART 1

The beginning of the beginning.

After I died, I became a social worker.

It began when the Grim Reaper escorted me into an

office with three doors. The door through which we entered

was labeled C.S.W., the second H, the third E. There was an

antique desk with a computer on it, and an elderly woman in

a black dress behind it. After dismissing my anonymously

draped, sour smelling companion, she introduced herself.

"How do you do. You may call me Smith. Not Mrs Smith or

Ms Smith, just Smith."

"Oh really," I said, as I racked my brain in an attempt

to identify the woman. I was sure we had met before. "In

that case, I am Leo Ulster Vraskin. Not Mr Leo Ulster

Vraskin, just plain Leo Ulster Vraskin." I hoped I had not

overdone it.

"Yes Luv," she responded, using the acronym which since

grade school had clung to me like an unwelcome albatross. To

complete the putdown, she changed the subject. "What is the

last thing you remember?"

Somehow I restrained myself. "An operating room, I

think. Lights. People leaning over me."

"Very good. Actually, you were badly injured in an

automobile accident. They did their best, but--" A shrug of

narrow shoulders. "What do you expect? You were drunk at the

time."

I took a deep breath. "Am I really dead?"

A thin-lipped smile. "Oh yes."

"What is this place?"

"What do you think it is?"

"An office," I said.

The smile faded to sour. "That is not an answer."

My irritation notched up a level. "I asked first. What

is this place?"

"An office."

It was then I decided I was in Hell. So I told the lady

to go there.

She chuckled. It was dry, with no mirth.

I looked around for another chair, but there wasn't

one. So instead I looked around the room. The walls, except

where they were covered by the closed drapes behind the

desk, were of rich, unadorned dark wood. Other than a framed

newspaper clipping, there were no plaques or pictures. The

floor was covered with a thick carpet the same restrained

maroon as the drapes. Sparse yet dignified, the place

HELL AIN’T WHAT IT USED TO BE

Get any book for free on: www.Abika.com

reflected its occupant like an outer garment.

Smith said, "You have not lived a good life, you know."

On the slight chance the woman exaggerated when she

informed me of my demise, I decided not to incriminate

myself. "Anything specific in mind?"

She consulted the computer monitor. "According to your

file, you started out as an unpleasant child and never grew

out of it. You cheated your way through school and college.

You got a young woman pregnant, promised to marry her and

then abandoned her. You did not even bother to turn up at

her funeral. You faked a colleague's research data as your

own and got a prestigious award. You swindled your mother

out of most of her savings, and after her stroke abandoned

her in a public institution. Although you were regularly

unfaithful to your wife, you divorced her on trumped-up

evidence of her infidelity and got sole custody of your

daughter Celia--who you raised according to your own twisted

precepts." She looked up. "Have I missed anything?"

"I was a pretty good entrepreneur," I said, determined

to defend myself.

"Referring to Vraskin Drugs, I presume."

"Damn right. Given another year or so, that Gates

fellow would be breathing my dust!"

She was not impressed. "That is more a matter for our

commercial division--who, by the way, did provide

appropriate input. But if you wish to discuss--"

"Don't bother," I interrupted, regretting I had brought

up the subject. "Let's just get this rigmarole over with,

OK?"

"Rigmarole?", she echoed mildly.

"Look, I am quite aware I am headed for an overheated

environment staffed by people with pitchforks and a bad

attitude!"

"Oh dear, you are confused." Smith touched a computer

key and the drapes rolled aside from a large picture window.

Sunlight flooded the office; a golden illumination which

caressed the skin and did not hurt the eyes. "What do you

see?"

For a few seconds I was speechless. I can say I saw

lush green fields, rolling hills, the towers and spires of a

gleaming city in the distance, and it would be true. But

mere words can never describe the overpowering beauty of the

place. It was beyond language.

"Is that Heaven?"

"We prefer the name Elysium." A bony finger indicated

the door labeled E. "The way is through there. But as you

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HELLAIN’TWHATITUSEDTOBEGetanybookforfreeon:www.Abika.com1HELLAIN'TWHATITUSEDTOBEByJ.BrianClarkeGetanybookforfreeon:www.Abika.comHELLAIN’TWHATITUSEDTOBEGetanybookforfreeon:www.Abika.com2PART1Thebeginningofthebeginning.AfterIdied,Ibecameasocialworker.ItbeganwhentheGrimReaperescortedmeintoanofficewitht...

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J. Brian Clarke - Hell Ain't What It Used To Be

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