
was nothing to do but take it and wait for the end. And after a little while I died, again.
The thing about the training ground is that youcan’t win. It carries on and carries on until you’re dead.
This probably sounds a bit grim and off-putting if like most of the people out there you’re a virgin where
death’s concerned: but for us seasoned Forcemen death is just part of our lives. The logic is pretty
simple, after all. When you want a meal cooked up, and on hand you’ve got a trained cook and a guy
who’s never tried cooking, which one do you choose? Right. So when you want someone to go out and
probably get himself killed defending you or filling your enemies with holes ... that’s the core of Force
training. Anyone loaded down with gut-fear—hormone squirts from glands with a case of the
squitters—is going to be thinking about himself instead of the fighting; someone like that just can’t do a
clean, efficient kill. Poker players learn to keep emotion out of their faces, they say in the Force, and we
learn to keep ours out of our glands.
So I lay there in the tank and craned my neck to see how the foot was growing. The regenerator fluid is
thick, yellowish, and murky, but I could see I’d already sprouted a neat bunch of tarsal bones, coated
with a misty jelly where the flesh was starting to creep back over them. The fluid filled my mouth and
nostrils and lungs, which no doubt were healing at a good rate. The only real quarrel I’ve got with this
death-and-regeneration business is that it’s boring: even for fiddling little injuries the process can take
hours. Once I was cut not so neatly in half by a riot-gun and spent five whole days growing a new me,
from the belly down, like some stupid flatworm. Learning to die and live again is a necessary thing,
though. Like they told us on the induction course, deep down in all our genes we’ve got this locked-in
program that shriekssurvival when death’s about, and shrieks it so loud that you can’t hear your other
thoughts. Only way to stop that and get efficient is to get used to dying ... and then, maybe, you can start
thinking about promotion.
That one had been my forty-sixth death. I reckoned I was used to it.
They let me out of the sickbay in the end, after all the usual unpleasantness (lying there in the tank is
dreamy and nice if you can turn off your brain awhile, but being disconnected isn’t so good). I marched
off on my own two tender feet—the treatment leaves you uncalloused, like a baby—feeling ready to rush
that laser again and this time smear the crew good and proper. I’d been in some of those bunkers myself,
of course. Sooner or later the crew always get smeared.
Next day we’d be starting a fresh course, Guerrilla II, on how to improvise your own nukes—the trick,
I’d heard, is to get your charge of plute-oxide fuel shaped and imploded before the Pu poisoning catches
up with you. Some of these courses are makework, I think, to soak up our spare energy, but they’re all
good fun. No need to catch up on studies that night, so I wandered into the bar for a juice and sat down
by Raggett, a new guy with only half a dozen deaths. He still wore the death-pips on his arm: I gave up
those decorations when they reached double figures, myself.
“Chess?” I said to be sociable. “Or we could grab a room for a bit of wargaming, if that doesn’t sound
too much like work.”
“I thought ... I thought I’d go into town,” said Raggett. He is a ratty little fellow, and he looked really
furtive when he said this. Men from the Force can go into town any time they don’t have classes or
training—it’s supposed to be a compliment, the brass trust us. But somehow there’s a kind of feeling in
the air, not even strong enough to call an unwritten rule, that the real pros don’t waste time outside the
complex. So I gave Raggett a twitch of my eyebrow, and he said, “I could use a woman.”
At that I remembered my last woman, maybe only three or four deaths into training, and at the same time
I remembered Mack, the long-server who’d taken me into town back then out of sheer kindness (it had