things off a little. There are pieces of hospital equipment here and there, like strange playground toys. A litter
with chrome sides and rubber wheels, the sort of thing they use to wheel you up to the 'OR' when they are ready
to give you your 'cortotomy'. There is a large circular object whose function is unknown to him. It looks like the
wheels you sometimes see in squirrel cages. There is a rolling IV tray with two bottles hung from it, like a
Salvador Dali dream of tits. Down one of the two corridors is the nurses' station, and laughter fuelled by coffee
drifts out to him.
He gets his drink and then saunters down towards her room. He is scared of what he may find and hopes she will
be sleeping. If she is, he will not wake her up.
Above the door of every room there is a small square light. When a patient pushes his call button this light goes
on, glowing red. Up and down the hall patients are walking slowly, wearing cheap hospital robes over their
hospital underwear. The robes have blue and white pinstripes and round collars. The hospital underwear is called
a 'johnny'. The 'johnnies' look all right on the women but decidedly strange on the men because they are like knee-
length dresses or slips. The men always seem to wear brown imitation-leather slippers on their feet. The women
favour knitted slippers with balls of yarn on them. His mother has a pair of these and calls them 'mules'.
The patients remind him of a horror movie called The Night of the Living Dead. They all walk slowly, as if
someone had unscrewed the tops of their organs like mayonnaise jars and liquids were sloshing around inside.
Some of them use canes. Their slow gait as they promenade up and down the halls is frightening but also
dignified. It is the walk of people who are going nowhere slowly, the walk of college students in caps and gowns
filing into a convocation hall.
Ectoplasmic music drifts everywhere from transistor radios. Voices babble. He can hear Black Oak Arkansas
singing 'Jim Dandy' ('Go Jim Dandy, go Jim Dandy' a falsetto voice screams merrily at the slow hall walkers). He
can hear a talk-show host discussing Nixon in tones that have been dipped in acid like smoking quills. He can
hear a polka with French lyrics - Lewiston is still a French-speaking town and they love their jigs and reels
almost as much as they love to cut each other in the bars on lower Lisbon Street.
He pauses outside his mother's room and for a while there he was freaked enough to come drunk. It made him
ashamed to be drunk in front of his mother even though she was too doped and full of Elavil to know. Elavil is a
tranquilizer they give to cancer patients so it won't bother them so much that they're dying.
The way he worked it was to buy two six-packs of Black Label beer at Sonny's Market in the afternoon. He
would sit with the kids and watch their afternoon programmes on TV. Three beers with 'Sesame Street', two beers
during 'Mister Rogers', one beer during 'Electric Company'. Then one with supper.
He took the other five beers in the car. It was a twenty-two-mile drive from Raymond to Lewiston, via Routes
302 and 202, and it was possible to be pretty well in the bag by the time he got to the hospital, with one or two
beers left over. He would bring things for his mother and leave them in the car so there would be an excuse to go
back and get them and also drink another half beer and keep the high going.
It also gave him an excuse to piss outdoors, and somehow that was the best of the whole miserable business. He
always parked in the side lot, which was rutted, frozen November dirt, and the cold night air assured full bladder
contraction. Pissing in one of the hospital bathrooms was too much like an apotheosis of the whole hospital
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