Childhood
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I felt angry, both with myself and with Karl Ivanitch, I wanted
to laugh and to cry at the same time, for my nerves were all on
edge.
"Leave me alone, Karl!" I exclaimed at length, with tears in my
eyes, as I raised my head from beneath the bed-clothes.
Karl Ivanitch was taken aback, He left off tickling my feet, and
asked me kindly what the matter was, Had I had a disagreeable
dream? His good German face and the sympathy with which he sought
to know the cause of my tears made them flow the faster. I felt
conscience-stricken, and could not understand how, only a minute
ago, I had been hating Karl, and thinking his dressing-gown and
cap and tassel disgusting. On the contrary, they looked eminently
lovable now. Even the tassel seemed another token of his
goodness. I replied that I was crying because I had had a bad
dream, and had seen Mamma dead and being buried. Of course it was
a mere invention, since I did not remember having dreamt anything
at all that night, but the truth was that Karl's sympathy as he
tried to comfort and reassure me had gradually made me believe
that I HAD dreamt such a horrible dream, and so weep the more--
though from a different cause to the one he imagined
When Karl Ivanitch had left me, I sat up in bed and proceeded to
draw my stockings over my little feet. The tears had quite dried
now, yet the mournful thought of the invented dream was still
haunting me a little. Presently Uncle [This term is often applied
by children to old servants in Russia] Nicola came in--a neat
little man who was always grave, methodical, and respectful, as
well as a great friend of Karl's, He brought with him our
clothes and boots--at least, boots for Woloda, and for myself the
old detestable, be-ribanded shoes. In his presence I felt ashamed
to cry, and, moreover, the morning sun was shining so gaily
through the window, and Woloda, standing at the washstand as he
mimicked Maria Ivanovna (my sister's governess), was laughing so
loud and so long, that even the serious Nicola--a towel over his
shoulder, the soap in one hand, and the basin in the other--could
not help smiling as he said, "Will you please let me wash you,
Vladimir Petrovitch?" I had cheered up completely.
"Are you nearly ready?" came Karl's voice from the schoolroom.
The tone of that voice sounded stern now, and had nothing in it of
the kindness which had just touched me so much. In fact, in the
schoolroom Karl was altogether a different man from what he was
at other times. There he was the tutor. I washed and dressed
myself hurriedly, and, a brush still in my hand as I smoothed my
wet hair, answered to his call. Karl, with spectacles on nose
and a book in his hand, was sitting, as usual, between the door
and one of the windows. To the left of the door were two shelves--
one of them the children's (that is to say, ours), and the other
one Karl's own. Upon ours were heaped all sorts of books--lesson
books and play books--some standing up and some lying down. The