Coordinator for GEE International.
My office was the size of a piano crate, but mine nonetheless. I wanted a
computer on my desk, and none of the other GEE honchos would risk sharing a
room with one. Computers need electrical transformers, some of which are made
with PCBs that like to vaporize and ooze out of a computer's ventilation
slots, causing miscarriages and other foul omens. The boss gave me his office
and moved into the big barnlike room.
The same people barely noticed when Gomez, our "office manager," started
painting the walls of that office. By doing so he exposed them to toxic fumes
millions of times more concentrated than what I was getting from my computer.
But they didn't notice because they're used to paint. They paint things all
the time. Same deal with the stuff they spray on their underarms and put into
their gas tanks. Gomez wanted to paint my office now, but I wouldn't let him.
Esmerelda, ever vigilant, had shot me a bunch of greasy xeroxes from the
microfilm archives. They were articles from the Lighthouse-Republican of Blue
Kills, N.J., a small city halfway down the Jersey Shore which was shortly to
feel my wrath. It was the kind of newspaper that was still running Dennis the
Menace in the largest available size. A Gasoline Alley, Apartment 3-G, and
Nancy kind of paper.
The articles were all from the sports section. Sports, as in hunting and
fishing, which take place outdoors, which is where the environment is. That's
why environmental news is in the sports section.
Esmerelda had found me four different articles, all written by different
reporters (no specialist on the staff; not considered an important issue) on
vaguely environmental subjects. A local dump leaching crap into an estuary; a
freeway project that would trash some swamp land; mysterious films of gunk on
the river; and concerns about toxic waste that could be coming from a plant
just outside of town, operated by a large corporation we shall refer to as the
Swiss Bastards. Along with the Boston Bastards, the Napalm Droids, the
Plutonium Lords, the Hindu Killers, the Lung Assassins, the Ones in Buffalo,
and the Rhine-Rapers, they were among the largest chemical corporations of a
certain planet, third one out from a certain mediocre star in an average
spiral galaxy named after a candy bar.
Each of the articles was 2500 words long and written in the same style.
Clearly, the editor of the lighthouse-republican ruled with an iron hand.
Local residents were referred to as Blukers. Compound sentences were
discouraged and the inverted-pyramid structure rigorously followed. The PR
flacks who worked for the Swiss Bastards were referred to by the old-fashioned
term "authorities," rather than the newer and sexier "sources."
My only worry was that maybe this editor was so fucking old and decrepit that
he was already dead, or even retired. On the other hand, it seemed he was a
dyed-in-the-wool "sportsman," a type traditionally long-lived, unless he'd
spent too much time sloshing around in a particular toxic swamp. Esmerelda,
accustomed to my ways, had sent a xerox of the most recent masthead, which
didn't show any changes. The senior sports editor was Everett "Red" Grooten
and the sports-page editor was Alvin Goldberg.
Raucous laughter probably sounded from my office. Tricia hung up on Fotex's PR
director and shouted "S.T., what are you doing in there?" Called the florist
and had them send the usual to Esmerelda. Cranked up my old PCB-spitter and
searched my files. "Fish, marine, sport, Mid-Atlantic, effects of organic
solvents on." "Estuaries, waterfowl populations of, effects of organic
solvents on." These were old boilerplate paragraphs I'd written long ago.
Mostly they referred to EPA studies or recent research. Every so often they
quoted a "source" at GEE International, the well-known environmental group,
usually me. I directed the word processor to do a search-and-replace to change
"source" to "authority."
Then I pulled up my press release about what the Swiss Bastards were pumping