One - The Defender
In the nightmare, he had no body. Frightened, he drifted forever in the empty dark, hunted by
things that had no shape, that made no sound, that had no minds except their monstrous hunger
for him. He tried to get away, but he had no limbs, no will, no clue to anything.
The alarm crashed.
He woke alone, chilled with sweat and shivering, clutching for Jayna until he remembered she
was gone. Lying alone in the dreadfully empty bed, he tried to understand the dream. It must
have come from the way he felt without her - desolate, helpless, still bewildered.
Trying not to hate her, he saw her in his mind. Nude and bitchily seductive, flashing down a
white coral beach toward whiter surf, Crowler panting after her.
Groggily, he throttled the alarm and groped for things not so painful. His lecture at ten. The
curriculum committee. The senior seminar. His pending research grant for the multilayer
micromemory and the call to La Jolla to look at Tomislav's Biowand software.
A hunger pang, but he ate no breakfast now. Not since she left. Dressing, missing even her
wry disapproval of his clashing shirt and necktie, he snapped on the morning news. Famine, riot,
terror - the world had matched his savage mood, and there was no cheer anywhere.
He cut off the TV. Walking to the Kingsmill campus, he tried to savor springtime. Trees in
leaf, a flower scent from somewhere, long-legged coeds blooming out of jeans and sneakers. A
songbird mocked him, and he yearned for her. Since she had left, all the world was empty.
The phone was ringing when he reached his office door. "Martin Rablon?" His heart paused
because the cool music of her voice could have been Jayna's. "The computer scientist?"
"I teach computer science."
"I'm Megan Drake. With the Raven Foundation. We need advice on a new direction in
computers." Jayna had never even tried to understand them. "Professor, are you available for a
consultation?"
"Sure." Another new escape, and he felt grateful for it. "After commencement - "
That black, never-ending nightmare chasm.
He sank into it, sank forever.
Who am I? Wordless urges ached and burst inside him. What place is this?
All he knew was darkness, stillness, bottomless infinity. That and a dull discomfort throbbing
in his head. A tingling deadness in his fingers, in his face and his feet. Still he sank - or was he
really somehow floating? Searching, he found no sense of motion or support, no clue to time or
place, no glint of light, no hint of anything beyond that prickling pressure that wasn't quite even a
pain.
It pressed and pressed, swelling inside him, heavy everywhere, until he thought he couldn't
endure it. Yet when he tried to struggle, every effort seemed to close it tighter, its gray chill
aching always deeper. He found no way to end it.
Still he sank or maybe floated through that soundless, stifling dark, touching nothing, all his
body frozen - if he really had a body - without breath or even need for breath. That itself became
a haunting riddle.
How was he alive?
The blunt throb beat, beat, beat, until he was glad to let it hammer him back into the vacant
dark.
He sat with a margarita by the pool, his bad leg propped on another chair. Spray chilled his
face when the fat man dived, and a sun glint stabbed his eyes. Turning to shield them, he saw the