admit desperation, though, and so John Coloradas worried his hands—taped, raw,
and smoking with a fresh coating of gymnastic chalk—tighter and higher in the cold
granite crack, grimacing because there was no pain and there should have been.
There would be time enough once (he declined "if") he and Tucker hit flat land to
thaw his fingers and check for frostbite. For now he bit a lungful off the night breeze,
smelling pines so far below you couldn't hear them. Moonlight seared the wide, stark
acres of stone, starving his shadow, beckoning him higher with its quicksilver. He
could taste the chalk powder in the back of his throat, and from much farther away,
perhaps a cave or a stand of timber on the summit, the scent of moss crossed his
tongue, too. And beneath all the Valley's smells he smelled the storm.
It was going to snow. But not before it rained. And so he kept twisting and fusing his
hands and feet into the indifferent stone, wrestling against the tyranny that hung on
him like a monkey in heat. Nasty as it was, the threat of getting wasted by a Pacific
cold front didn't astonish him. In the pantheistic order of things, it made perfect,
dust-to-dust sense. If he could have spared the motion, he would have shrugged.
Maybe they'd make it, maybe not. Since departing the earth five short days and long
nights ago, the climb had been freighted with miscalculation and fuckups: too little
food, too much water, some important pieces of equipment dropped from numb
fingers, a half day spent following the wrong crack. Any big-wall climb magnifies
such venial errors. A big-wall climb in winter can make them downright carnivorous,
and here it was Christmas Eve. The Duracell batteries in their blaster had given up
the ghost, robbing them of Talking Heads and the Himalayan climbers' standard
Pink Floyd, and John's sole wish was for an end to this combat with gravity, one way
or the other. He was, as they say, running on the little red E. When you pull off a
close one, climbers call it an epic, as in radical. When you don't, you're stuff, so much
meat for the chop shop of mountain lore. Sometimes you can swing in the wind for a
full season before they get you down, meaning the superlong telephoto lenses come
out of storage for ghoulish trophy shots.
John could feel the continent drifting all around him, and he wondered again about
hypothermia. His mane of thick black Apache hair weighed fifty pounds tonight, so it
seemed every time he bent his head back scanning for sign of the summit. Summits
are elusive things. Ever protean, they shift around, encouraging false hope, defying
prediction. Sometimes they leak farther away even as you watch. Other times they
suddenly drop away under the tips of your toes. You can fight a mountain almost to
your coffin, lose fingers to frostbite, your mind to despair, and finally reach the
summit only to find not a damn thing there, just a slag heap without a chin. Or top
out with great élan, only to discover the true summit stands across and then up a ten-
hour knife ridge. The temptations in mountaineering to cheat—to quit and lie—are
abundant; as always in matters of faith, it's between you and yourself. Tonight there
was no such temptation. Since sharing a palmful of M&M peanuts for supper while
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