He said, ‘You answered the phone with my name.’
‘Who else would it have been, dear?’
‘Am I the only one who ever calls this early?’
‘Rarely others. But this morning. . . it could only be you.’
The worst had happened one year ago to the day, changing their lives forever. This was the first
anniversary of their loss.
She said, ‘I hope you’re eating better, Joe. Are you still losing weight?’
‘No,’ he lied.
Gradually during the past year, he had become so indifferent to food that three months ago he
began dropping weight. He had dropped twenty pounds to date.
‘Is it going to be a hot day there?’ he asked.
‘Stifling hot and humid. There are some clouds, but we’re not supposed to get rain, no relief. The
clouds in the east are
fringed with gold and full of pink. The sun’s all the way out of bed now.’
‘It doesn’t seem like a year already, does it, Beth?’
‘Mostly not. But sometimes it seems ages ago.’
‘I miss them so much,’ he said. ‘I’m so lost without them.’
‘Oh, Joe. Honey, Henry and I love you. You’re like a son to us. You are a son to us.’
‘I know, and I love you too, very much. But it’s not enough, Beth, it’s not enough.’ He took a
deep breath. ‘This year, getting through, it’s been hell. I can’t handle another year like this.’
‘It’ll get better with time.’
‘I’m afraid it won’t. I’m scared. I’m no good alone, Beth.’
‘Have you thought some more about going back to work, Joe?’ Before the accident, he had been a
crime reporter at the Los Angeles Post. His days as a journalist were over.
‘I can’t bear the sight of the bodies, Beth.’
He was unable to look upon a victim of a drive-by shooting or a car-jacking, regardless of age or
sex, without seeing Michelle or Chrissie or Nina lying bloody and battered before him.
‘You could do other kinds of reporting. You’re a good writer, Joe. Write some human interest
stories. You need to be working, doing something that’ll make you feel useful again.’
Instead of answering her, he said, ‘I don’t function alone. I just want to be with Michelle. I
want to be with Chrissie and Nina.’
‘Someday you will be,’ she said, for in spite of everything, she remained a woman of faith.
‘I want to be with them now.’ His voice broke, and he paused to put it back together. ‘I’m
finished here, but I don’t have the guts to move on.’
‘Don’t talk like that, Joe.’
He didn’t have the courage to end his life, because he had no convictions about what came after
this world. He did not truly believe that he would find his wife and daughters again in a realm of
light and loving spirits. Lately, when he gazed at a night sky, he Saw only distant stuns in a
meaningless void, but he couldn’t bear to voice his doubt, because to do so would be to imply that
Michelle’s and the girls’ lives had been meaningless as well.
Beth said, ‘We’re all here for a purpose.’
'They were my purpose. They’re gone.’
'then there’s another purpose you’re meant for. It’s your job now to find it. There’s a reason
you’re still here.’
‘No reason,’ he disagreed. ‘Tell me about the sky, Beth.’
After a hesitation, she said, ‘The clouds to the east aren’t gilded any more. The pink is gone
too. They’re white clouds, no rain in them, and not dense but like a filigree against the blue.’
He listened to her describe the morning at the other end of the continent. Then they talked about
fireflies, which she and Henry had enjoyed watching from their back porch the previous night.
Southern California had no fireflies, but Joe remembered them from his boyhood in Pennsylvania.
They talked about Henry’s garden, too, in which strawberries were ripening, and in time Joe grew
sleepy.
Beth’s last words to him were: ‘It’s full daylight here now. Morning’s going past us and heading
your way, Joey. You give it a chance, morning’s going to bring you the reason you need, some
purpose, because that’s what the morning does.’
After he hung up, Joe lay on his side, staring at the window, from which the silvery lunar light
had faded. The moon had set. He was in the blackest depths of the night.
When he returned to sleep, he dreamed not of any glorious approaching purpose but of an unseen,
indefinable, looming men-ace. Like a great weight falling through the sky above him.
file:///F|/rah/Dean%20R.%20Koontz/Koontz,%20Dean%20-%20Sole%20Survivor.txt (4 of 150) [1/17/03 3:10:46 AM]