I would always get the extra time I needed. I did not, of course, do my own
typing. Usually, however, I wrote my own papers. It pleased me to do so. I liked
them better than those I could purchase. One of my instructors, from whom I had
won an extension in the afternoon, did not recognize me the same evening when he
sat some rows behind me at a chamber music performance at the Lincoln Center. He
was looking at me quizzically, and once, during an intermission, seemed on the
point of speaking. I chilled him with a look and he turned away, red faced. I
wore black, an upswept hairdo, pearls, white gloves. He did not dare look at me
again.
I do not know when I was noticed. It may have been on a street in New York, on a
sidewalk in London, at a café in Paris. It may have been while sun-bathing on
the Riviera. It may even have been on the campus of my college. Somewhere.
Unknown to me, I was noted, and would be acquired.
Affluent and beautiful, I carried myself with a flair. I knew that I was better
than most people, and was not afraid to show them, in my manner, that this was
true. Interestingly, instead of being angered, most people, whatever may have
been their private feelings, seemed impressed and a bit frightened of me. They
accepted me at the face value which I set upon myself, which was considerable.
They would try to please me. I used to amuse myself with them, sometimes
pouting, pretending to be angry or displeased, then smiling to let them know
that I had forgiven them. They seemed grateful, radiant. How I despised them!
They bored me. I was rich, and fortunate and beautiful. They were nothing.
My father made his fortune in real estate in Chicago. He cared only for his
business, as far as I know. I cannot remember that he ever kissed me. I do not
recall seeing him, either, ever touch my mother, or she him, in my presence. She
came from a wealthy Chicago family, with extensive shore properties. I do not
believe my father was even interested in the money he made, other than in the
fact that he made more of it than most other men, but there were always others,
some others, who were richer than he. He was an unhappy, driven man. I recall my
mother entertaining in our home. This she often did. I recall my father once
mentioning to me that she was his most valuable asset. He had meant this to be a
compliment. I recall that she was beautiful. She poisoned a poodle I had once
had. It had torn one of her slippers. I was seven at the time, and I cried very
much. It had liked me. When I graduated neither my mother nor my father attended
the ceremony. That was the second time in my life, to that time, that I remember
crying. He had a business engagement, and my mother, in New York, where she was
then living, was giving a dinner for certain of her friends. She did send a card
and an expensive watch, which I gave to another girl.
That summer my father, though only in his forties, died of a heart attack. As
far as I know my mother still lives in New York City, in a suite on Park Avenue.
In the settlement of the estate my mother received most everything, but I did
receive some three quarters of a million dollars, primarily in stocks and bonds,
a fortune which fluctuated, and sometimes considerably, with the market, but one
which was substantially sound. Whether my fortune on a given day was something
over half a million dollars or was something over three quarters of a million
dollars did not much interest me.
Following my graduation I took up my own residence, in a penthouse on Park
Avenue. My mother and I never saw one another. I had no particular interest in
anything following school. I smoked too much, though I hated it. I drank quite a
bit. I never bothered with drugs, which seemed to me stupid.
My father had had numerous business contacts in New York, and my mother had made
influential friends. I made a rare phone call to my mother a few weeks after my
graduation, thinking it might be interesting to take up modeling. I had thought
there might be a certain glamour to that, and that I might meet some interesting
and amusing people. A few days later I was invited to two agencies for