Charles Stross - The Midlist Bombers

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The Midlist Bombers

First published: Farpoint, 1992

(Length: 6100 words approximately)

T minus 19 days 8:23 a.m.

For Nigel Frogland, the apocalypse started with a letter.

He stumbled downstairs towards kitchen and coffee percolator, pausing by the door to yawn widely and

grab the daily influx of bills and overdrawn bank statements from the letter box. This was an autonomic

reflex, as vital to the author as flapping its wings was to a headless chicken; he blinked sleepily at the

three envelopes in his hand before staggering into the kitchen to wait for the kettle. Two bills, he

thought, but what's this? Looks like it's from Victoria ... he reached for the bread -knife. Letters from

Victoria Bergdorf, his editor, were always worth reading no matter which side they were buttered on.

But he was in for a surprise.

Dear Nigel,

As you are aware, we at Schnickel and Bergdorf have prided ourselves for fifty years on our

commitment to fundamental literary values, providing the best service possible to the public and our

authors. This is a tradition which we are -- we think justifiably -- proud of, and intend to continue for the

forseeable future.

However, given the recent changes that have taken place in the genre market, specifically the contraction

of the midlist under the financial pressure of competing in a modern, thrusting business environment, we

have found it necessary to enter a temporary phase of retrenchment. Specifically, the directors have

approved the sale of a controlling shareholding in this company to the multinational holding corporation

Spart-Dibbler PLC. Pending the resolution of this takeover, we will be unable to commission an y more

projects from you. This transition period should last for approximately six months; thereafter we will

resume buying as usual.

Yours sincerely ...

Oh shit! pondered Dave, his stomach churning unpleasantly as he pondered the likely consequences.

What if I have to ask for my old job back ...?

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The Midlist Bombers

t minus 19 days 10:14 a.m.

"They're going to what?" demanded Victoria Bergdorf.

Jonathan Smiddler yawned widely, displaying a coffee-stained tongue. "They're going to drop half the

list," he repeated tiredly. "They figure if they can put the money together and get one best--seller, it pays

better than the whole lot of them. I mean, why not?" He yawned again, looking decidedly hollow-eyed; a

common feature to all the survivors of the take-over.

Victoria leaned forward across her desk. "I never thought the bastards had the guts," she hissed. "Jesus

Christ on a crutch -- they're going to put all our writers on the street! They can't be serious!"

Jonathan leaned back and stared at the ceiling. "But they are. Blame the accounts department -- there's

more profit in one best-seller than in a dozen small titles. People don't read any more, or they read what

they see advertised on television, right? Jeffrey Archer, Isaac Asimov. We're competing with other

media, Victoria, that's what Spart-Dibbler's accountants are on about. And if we can't make as much

profit as satellite television, we're gonna get it in the neck."

Victoria shook her head. "I've been in this trade for twenty years," she said; "and my father before me

for thirty more ..." Jonathan leaned back tiredly. "So have I," he reminded her. "That's why you put me

in charge of the horror list, isn't it? Look, if the cash-flow had been any better ... "

"It's no good," she said, gazing at the wall of books behind him; the wall of novels she had personally

brought to market, making her personal impact on the history of English literature ... "we can't live on

maybes. We've got to do something! There must be some way we can increase our readership to the

point where we won't have to drop the small guys! Why else did we accept the buy-out offer? We

needed capital to get out of the cash-flow crunch, but I'm damned if I'm going to let them throw out the

baby to make room for the dirty bathwater!"

Jonathan gulped down a last mouthful of lukewarm coffee. "There might be a way," he said, "if you

apply lateral thinking to the problem. I mean we're one of the foremost genre publishers left in the

market, aren't we? And people will read our stuff -- or they would, if they weren't watching EastEnders

and Dallasty instead. So we've -- " he gestured broadly, his shirt bulging -- "we've got to recapture the

market. We've got capital; so why not use it? We can maximize our readership without selling ou t or

buying cruddy hackwork. There's got to be a way to apply leverage ..."

Victoria looked back at him, her eyes narrowing. "What are you talking about?" she demanded.

"I'd have thought it's simple," he said, "once you begin to think the unthinkable. Our problem is that

we've got too much competition. So ... " he shrugged, pausing for effect; it was a shame that the gesture

could best be described as a cringe.

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Charles Stross - The Midlist Bombers

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