绝望主妇1-5季剧本
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英语电影网：www.walenglish.com Desperate Hosuewives《绝望主妇》1-5 季英文剧本 ——第1/297 页——
DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES
1X01: PILOT
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OPEN ON: [EXT. WISTERIA LANE --- MORNING]
(A school bus drives up the road. Friendly "Good Morning" are
exchanged between neighbors. A woman pushes a baby carriage
along, while a car pulls out of a driveway and drives down the
road. GABRIELLE jogs past a fence on the sidewalk.
Pan to: (EXT.YOUNG HOUSE - FRONT YARD)
(MARY ALICE comes out of her front door and down the porch
steps, carrying a basket of flowers. She kneels in front of her
flowerbed, and smells a flower, smiling faintly.)
NARRATOR: My name is Mary Alice Young. When you read this
morning's paper, you may come across an article about the
unusual day I had last week. Normally, there's never anything
newsworthy about my life. That all changed last Thursday. Of
course everything seemed as normal at first. I made my
breakfast for my family.
(Cut to: MARY ALICE, carrying a plate of waffles to the breakfast
table, where PAUL and ZACH are sitting. She passes the plate to
PAUL.)
MARY ALICE::Here we are. Waffles.
NARRATOR: I performed my chores.
(Cut to: MARY ALICE, flipping a switch on the washing machine,
and then lifting a basket of clothing off the machine.
NARRATOR: I completed my projects.
(Cut to: MARY ALICE, stirring a paintbrush in a can of paint and
painting a garden chair)
NARRATOR: I ran my errands (Cut to: MARY ALICE picking up the
dry-cleaning, then retrieving the mail from the mailbox.)
NARRATOR: In truth, I spent the day as I spend every other day -
quietly polishing the routine of my life until it gleamed with
perfection.
(Cut to: MARY ALICE, straightening a photo frames on top of the
piano. She sighs with satisfaction, a contented smile on her
face.)
NARRATOR: That's why it was so astonishing when I decided to
go to my hallway closet to retrieve a revolver that had never
been used.
(Cut to: MARY ALICE takes a box off a shelf in the closet. Looking
worried and distraught, she shakily puts a revolver to her temple.
We see a finger pulling the trigger, and a loud shot is heard. The
camera stays on the YOUNG family picture, as the blurred
reflection of MARY ALICE is shown in the frame of the picture
falling to the ground.)
(Cut to: MRS. HUBER'S HOUSE - KITCHEN)
(MRS. HUBER's finger dips into a pool of red sauce (resembling
blood). She licks the sauce on her finger, as she turns her head
towards the YOUNG house, puzzled by the sound she's heard.)
NARRATOR: My body was discovered by my neighbor, Mrs.
Martha Huber, who had been startled by a strange popping
sound. Her curiosity aroused, Mrs. Huber tried to think of a
reason for dropping in on me unannounced. After some initial
hesitation, she decided to return the blender she had borrowed
from me 6 months before.
(MRS. HUBER takes a blender labeled Property of MARY ALICE
YOUNG off a shelf, and hurries next door to ring the doorbell.
Hearing no answer, she hurries to the side of the house, where
she peers inside the window and sees MARY ALICE's dead body
lying on the ground, a pool of blood next to her. She screams.
We see MRS. HUBER hurry back to her own house.)
MRS HUBER: (on the phone) It's my neighbor. I think she's been
shot, there's blood everywhere. Yes, you've got to send an
ambulance. You've got to send one right now!
(MRS. HUBER hangs up the phone. She stands in the kitchen, lips
trembling, fighting tears.)
NARRATOR: And for a moment, Mrs. Huber stood motionless in
her kitchen, grief-stricken by this senseless tragedy. But, only for
a moment.
(MRS. HUBER turns her head sideways, noticing the blender
sitting on the kitchen counter.
She rips the label off the blender, and puts it back on her shelf.)
NARRATOR: If there was one thing Mrs. Huber was known for, it
was her ability to look on the bright side.
(MRS. HUBER shuts the cupboa rd do or. )
OPENING CREDITS
------------------------------------------------------------
CUT TO: [EXT. WISTERIA LANE -- DAY]
(Residents wearing black clothing and bearing plates and baskets
of food are walking towards the YOUNG household)
NARRATOR: I was laid to rest on a Monday. After the funeral, all
the residents of Wisteria Lane came to pay their respects. And as
people do in this situation, they brought food.
(Pan to: LYNETTE, holding a plate of fried chicken with one hand
as she walks.)
NARRATOR: Lynette Scavo brought fried chicken. Lynette had a
great family recipe for fried chicken.
(Flashback to: LYNETTE talking animatedly in a conference room
as she points at a projected screen with charts and figures, a
room full of corporate businesspeople taking notes or watching
as she shows her presentation, smiling with confidence.)
NARRATOR: Of course, she didn't cook much as she was moving
up the corporate ladder. She didn't have the time.
(Fade to: The doctor's office, where he performs a sonogram on
LYNETTE's exposed belly, as LYNETTE lies in a chair watching the
screen, laughing with excitement. Her husband, TOM, sits next
to her as he watches with amazement at the sonogram, holding
LYNETTE's hand.)
NARRATOR: But when her doctor announced Lynette was
pregnant, her husband Tom had an idea. Why not quit your job?
Kids do much better with stay at home mums; it was so much
less stressful.
(We see TOM gesturing, talking animatedly as he proposes this
idea to LYNETTE, who nods hesitantly in agreement as she looks
at him.)
NARRATOR: But this was not the case.
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
(LYNETTE pushes a baby carriage with her free hand, looking
weary. The SCAVO children, Twins PRESTON & PORTER, and the
younger brother PARKER, jostle each other as they walk on the
sidewalk in front of the carriage, bickering rowdily with each
oth e r. )
NARRATOR: In fact, Lynette's life had become so hectic she was
now forced to get her chicken from a fast food restaurant.
Lynette would have appreciated the irony of it if she stopped to
think about it, but she couldn't. She didn't have the time.
(LYNETTE pushes in front of the 3 boys, trying to separate them.)
LYNETTE: Hey, hey, hey, hey!
(She kneels in front of them with a stern look on her face.)
LYNETTE: Stop it, stop it, stop it. Stop it.
PRESTON: But Mom!
LYNETTE: No, you are going to behave today. I am not going to
be humiliated in front of the entire neighborhood. And, just so
you know how serious I am... (Reaches inside her top and pulls a
folded piece of paper from her pocket)
PRESTON: What's that?
LYNETTE: Santa's cell-phone number.
PORTER: How'd you get that?
LYNETTE: I know someone, who knows someone, who knows an
elf. And if anyone of you acts up, so help me, I will call Santa and
tell him you want socks for Christmas. You willing to risk that?
SCAVO kids: Uh-uh! (All shake their heads vehemently)
LYNETTE: Okay.
(She tucks the paper back in her pocket, and straightens.)
LYNETTE: Let's get this over with.
(The camera pans across the road.)
(Pan to: EXT. SOLIS HOUSE - FRONT YARD)
(CARLOS stands outside, hands in his pocket, turning his head to
see GABRIELLE come out of the front door, holding a plate in one
hand and a bag in the other. She wears a black halter neck dress,
black high heels and an expensive diamond necklace. )
NARRATOR: Gabrielle Solis, who lives down the block, brought a
spicy paella.
(Flashback to: GABRIELLE, strutting down a runway, wearing a
pink dress as she models, the crowd is clapping and many
cameras are flashing. The camera pans to CARLOS sitting in the
audience.)
NARRATOR: Since her modeling days in New York, Gabrielle had
developed a taste for rich food and rich men. Carlos, who
worked in mergers and acquisitions, proposed on their third
date. Gabrielle was touched when tears welled up in his eyes.
(Flash to: GABRIELLE and CARLOS, sitting in a restaurant. CARLOS
holds out a ring as GABRIELLE gasps, excitedly hopping up and
down in her chair as she agrees, smiling and laughing. We see
the gleam of CARLOS’ tears of happiness as he smiles at her.)
NARRATOR: But she soon discovered this happened every time
Carlos closed a big deal.
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
(GABRIELLE walks down the pathway to where CARLOS is
waiting, and hands him the plate.
They start walking together towards the YOUNG house.)
NARRATOR: Gabrielle liked her paella piping hot. However, her
relationship with her husband was considerably cooler.
CARLOS: If you talk to Al Mason at this thing, I want you to
casually mention how much I paid for your necklace.
GABRIELLE: Why don't I just pin the receipt to my chest?
CARLOS: He let me know how much he paid for his wife's new
convertible. Look, just work it into the conversation.
GABRIELLE: There's no way I can just work that in, Carlos.
CARLOS: Why not? At the Donohue party, everyone was talking
about mutual funds. And you found a way to mention you slept
with half the Yankee outfield.
GABRIELLE: I'm telling you, it came up in the context of the
conversation.
CARLOS: Hey, people are starting to stare. Can you keep your
voice down please?
GABRIELLE: (sigh) Absolutely. Wouldn't want them to think we're
not happy.
------------------------------------------------------------
CUT TO: [EXT. YOUNG HOUSE - PORCH].
(The door opens to BREE's serenely smiling face. We see REX,
her husband, behind her, an expression of exasperation on his
face.)
NARRATOR: Bree Van De Kamp, who lives next door, brought
baskets of muffins she baked from scratch. Bree was known for
her cooking.
(Flashback to: BREE, sitting at a sewing machine, making
clothes.)
NARRATOR: And for making her own clothes.
(Cut to: BREE, garbed in work-wear, planting a tree.)
NARRATOR: And for doing her own gardening.
(Cut to: BREE, using a hand knife to slice open the cover of a
stuffed chair.)
NARRATOR: And for reupholstering her own furniture.
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
NARRATOR: Yes, Bree's many talents were known throughout
the neighborhood. And everyone on Wisteria Lane thought of
Bree as the perfect wife and mother. Everyone, that is, except
her own family.
(We see an exasperated REX, and her children - an annoyed
ANDREW and a frazzled-looking DANIELLE - behind BREE, the
very image of perfection. She carries a basket of baked goods in
each hand as she walks up to PAUL and ZACH, looking
sympathetic.)
BREE: Paul, Zachary.
ZACH: Hello Mrs. Van De Kamp.
PAUL: Bree, you shouldn't have gone to all this trouble.
(PAUL extends his hands to take the baskets from BREE, who
moves the baskets out of his reach as he tries to take them from
her. )
BREE: It was no trouble at all. Now the basket with the red
ribbon (holds up the basket) is filled with desserts for your
guests. But the one with the blue ribbon (holds up the other
basket) is just for you and Zachary. It's got rolls, muffins,
breakfast type things.
PAUL: Thank you.
BREE: Well, the least I could do is make sure you boys had a
decent meal to look forward to in the morning. I know you're
out of your minds with grief.
(REX, ANDREW and DANIELLE exchange long-suffering glances
and mental eyeballing.)
PAUL: Yes, we are.
BREE: (beat) Of course, I will need the baskets back once you're
done. (Smiling serenely)
(REX looks with disbelief at his wife.)
PAUL: (taken back) Of course.
(BREE walks off with the baskets, leaving the rest of them
stunned. REX is literally open-mouthed with disbelief.)
(Cut to: EXT. MAYER HOUSE - PORCH --- DAY)
(SUSAN and her daughter JULIE comes out of their front door.
SUSAN holds a flat, rectangular dish covered in tin foil. The wind
blows the foil off; SUSAN snatches it back and recovers the dish
as she and JULIE walk down the pathway.
NARRATOR: Susan Mayer, who lives across the street, brought
macaroni and cheese. Her husband Karl always teased her about
her macaroni, saying it was the only thing she knew how to cook,
and she rarely made it well. It was too salty the night she and
Karl moved into their new house.
(Flashback to: SUSAN and KARL sitting at their kitchen table,
laughing and smiling. JULIE, as a baby, is sitting between them.)
NARRATOR: It was too watery the night she found lipstick on
Karl's shirt.
(Cut to: SUSAN throws a towel at KARL, who catches it and
throws it on the ground, as they yell at each other. JULIE, as a
toddler, sits there watching her parents argue.)
NARRATOR: She burned it the night Karl told her he was leaving
her for his secretary.
(Cut to: SUSAN and JULIE at about 13, sits at the table, the
macaroni and cheese in the middle, untouched. KARL comes
down the stairs carrying suitcases, and leaves via the kitchen
door. SUSAN starts crying, as JULIE rubs her arm.)
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
NARRATOR: A year had passed since the divorce. Susan was
starting to think how nice it would be to have a man in her life,
even one who would make fun of her cooking.
JULIE: Mom, why would someone kill themselves?
SUSAN: Well, sometimes people are so unhappy they think it's
the only way they can solve their problems.
JULIE: But Mrs. Young always seemed happy.
SUSAN: Yeah, sometimes people pretend to be one way on the
outside and they're totally different on the inside.
JULIE: Oh you mean how Dad's girlfriend is always smiling and
says nice things but deep down you just know she's a bitch.
SUSAN: I don't like that word, Julie. But yeah, that's a great
example.
(Cut to: YOUNG HOUSE - LIVING ROOM -- WAKE --- DAY SUSAN
and JULIE walk in the front door. SUSAN puts the dish down on
the table and takes the tin foil off. JULIE joins the teenage group
standing next to the table.)
JULIE: Hey, what's going on?
(Cut to: YOUNG HOUSE - KITCHEN -- WAKE --- DAY SUSAN walks
in, dumping the tin foil in the bin. BREE, GABRIELLE and LYNETTE
are sitting around at the kitchen table. LYNETTE is holding the
baby.)
SUSAN: Sorry I'm late.
GABRIELLE: Hi Susan.
LYNETTE: (smiles at SUSAN) Hey.
(BREE looks up at SUSAN, looking upset. SUSAN takes her place
at the table, and looks at the one empty chair in the table,
where MARY ALICE used to sit. She picks up the coffee pot, and
starts pouring coffee into a mug. We follow the stream of coffee
into the mug.)
(Flashback to: The same stream of coffee being poured into a
mug. SUSAN looks up at MARY ALICE, who is pouring coffee into
SUSAN'S mug. MARY ALICE sits back down in her seat and puts
down the coffee jug.)
MARY ALICE (to SUSAN) :So? What did Karl say when you
confronted him?
SUSAN: You'll love this, he said it doesn't mean anything, it was
just sex.
(They all groan.)
BREE: Oh yes, page one of the philanderer's handbook.
SUSAN: Yeah, and then he got this Zen look on his face, and he
said, you know Susan, most men live lives of quiet desperation.
LYNETTE: Please tell me you punched him.
SUSAN: No, I said, really? And what do most women lead, lives
of noisy fulfillment?
GABRIELLE: (raises her eyebrows) Hmm.
MARY ALICE: Good for you.
SUSAN: I mean, of all people, did he have to bang his secretary?
I had that woman over for brunch. GABRIELLE: It's like my
grandmother always said, an erect penis doesn't have a
conscience.
LYNETTE: Even the limp ones aren't that ethical.
BREE: This is half the reason I joined the NRA. (SUSAN looks at
her.) Well, when Rex started going to those medical conferences,
I wanted at the back of his mind that he had a loving wife at
home, with a loaded Smith and Wesson.
MARY ALICE: Lynnie? Tom's always away on business. Do you
ever worry he might..?
LYNETTE: Oh, please, the man's gotten me pregnant three times
in four years. I wish he was having sex with someone else.
(Smiles)
BREE: So Susan, is he going to stop seeing that woman?
SUSAN: I don't know. (Smiles, tearing up) I'm sorry you guys, I
just... I just don't know how I'm going to survive this.
MARY ALICE: Listen to me. (Puts her hand on SUSAN's hand) We
all have moments of desperation. But if we can face them head
on, that's how we find out just how strong we really are.
(SUSAN puts her other hand on top of MARY ALICE's hand,
smiling at her.)
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
英语电影网：www.walenglish.com Desperate Hosuewives《绝望主妇》1-5 季英文剧本 ——第2/297 页——
BREE: Susan? Susan. (SUSAN withdraws her hand from the same
position from the flashback.) I was just saying Paul wants us to
go over on Friday. He needs us to go through Mary Alice's closet,
and help pack up her things. He says he can't face doing it by
himself.
SUSAN: Sure, that's fine.
BREE: Are you OK?
SUSAN: Yeah. I'm just so angry. If Mary Alice was having
problems, she should have come to us; she should have let us
help her.
GABRIELLE: What kind of problems could she have had? She was
healthy, had a great home, a nice family. Her life was? -
LYNETTE: -our life.
GABRIELLE: No, if Mary Alice was having some sort of crisis, we'd
have known. She lives 50 feet away, for god's sakes.
SUSAN: Gabby, the woman killed herself. Something must've
been going on.
(They all look down and consider this point, as PAUL, unseen,
leans against the living room doorway, eavesdropping on their
conversation. He sips his drink, looking very shifty and
suspicious, like he knows more than he's letting on.)
(Cut to: YOUNG HOUSE - DINING ROOM -- WAKE --- DAY)
(Food is set out on the table buffet-style. SUSAN walks into the
room, where MIKE is spooning some of SUSAN's macaroni and
cheese onto his plate)
SUSAN: Oh, I wouldn't eat that if I were you.
MIKE: Why?
SUSAN: I made it, trust me. (MIKE prepares to take a bite) Hey,
hey, do you have a death wish?
MIKE: No, I just refuse to believe that anybody can screw up
macaroni and cheese.
(MIKE takes a bite of the macaroni, as SUSAN gestures
apologetically, smiling.)
MIKE: Oh my god. (Makes a face) How did you? It tastes like it's
burnt and undercooked.
SUSAN: Yeah, I get that a lot. Here you go.
(SUSAN gets a tissue and gives it to him, as he spits his mouthful
of macaroni and cheese into the tissue.)
MIKE: Thanks. I'm Mike Delfino, I just rented out the Sim's house
next door.
SUSAN: Susan Mayer, I live across the street.
MIKE: Oh yeah, Mrs. Huber told me about you, said you
illustrate children's books.
SUSAN: Yeah I'm very big with the under 5 set. (MIKE laughs)
What do you do?
MIKE: Plumber. So if you ever have a clog. Or something.
SUSAN: (laughs) Now that everybody's seen that I've brought
something, I should probably just throw this out.
(JULIE looks over to see SUSAN and MIKE flirting with each other,
smiles. SUSAN takes the dish of macaroni and walks off. MIKE
watches her as she leaves. She stops and looks back at MIKE. She
smiles, and then continues walking to the next room.)
(Cut to: INT. YOUNG HOUSE - BACK ROOM WINDOW SEAT --
WAKE --- DAY LYNETTE struggles with the baby, covering it in a
blanket. MRS. HUBER hurries up the path, sees LYNETTE through
the window and comes in.)
LYNETTE: (to baby) Ow! Ease up, you little vampire.
MRS. HUBER: Lynette! I've been looking all over for you.
LYNETTE: Oh. (Smiles, distracted by the baby)
MRS. HUBER: Are you aware of what your sons are doing?
(LYNETTE's smile drops instantly)
(Cut to: EXT. YOUNG HOUSE - POOL SIDE --- DAY The SCAVO kids
are swimming in the pool, splashing, generally making lots of
noise. Their nice shoes and clothes are discarded at the
poolside.)
SCAVO kids: Stop. Arrrggggh. Hah!
(LYNETTE hurries down the path to the poolside holding the
baby. She stops at the poolside, appalled at what she sees.)
LYNETTE: What are you doing!? We are at a wake!
PRESTON: When we got here, you said we could go in the pool.
LYNETTE: (crouches down) I said you could go by the pool. Do
you have your swimsuits on??
PORTER: Yeah, we put them on under our clothes just before we
left.
LYNETTE: You three planned this?? Alright, that's it. Get out!
PORTER: No!
LYNETTE: No? I am your mother. You have to do what I say.
Come on.
PRESTON: We wanna swim and you can't stop us.
(LYNETTE looks around at the whole neighborhood watching,
helpless. The SCAVO kids all float in the water, their arms
crossed in defiance. Seeing this, LYNETTE raises her eyebrow and
sets her face with angry resolve.)
LYNETTE: (gives the baby to a man standing nearby) Here.
(LYNETTE steps into the pool, holding her skirt as she walks
down the pool steps towards the boys. The boys' mouths drop
open in surprise.)
LYNETTE: Get out. Or I will get in this pool and just grab you, get
out! Get over here. Get over here. Get back or I'll kill you.
((LYNETTE struggles in the pool with the boys, splashing around
as the boys try to swim away from her.)
LYNETTE: That's right, get over here. Go, go, go, ugh. Move it.
Out. Get out.
(PAUL and ZACH walk out by the pool, watching in amazement.
SUSAN puts her hands over her mouth with embarrassment, as
REX, ANDREW and DANIELLE, laughing in amazement, comes
out to watch. The water flies everywhere as LYNETTE struggles
to catch hold of her kids. PAUL looks down at his jacket as water
splashes onto his suit. LYNETTE manages to grab onto PRESTON's
foot, dragging him towards the edge of the pool, as she catches
hold of PARKER's foot as well. She manages to pull them up the
steps and out of the pool, herself soaking wet. She glares at
PORTER floating in the water, who gets out of the pool in a
hurry.
LYNETTE takes the baby from the man, then goes up to PAUL,
flustered, as the boys gather their clothes.)
LYNETTE: Paul. We have to leave now. Once again, I am so sorry
for your loss. (to kids) Go!
(LYNETTE hurries the boys along the path as PAUL watches them
leave. He turns, and looks into the pool. The camera moves into
the pool, looking up at PAUL as he stares menacingly into the
watery depths.)
NARRATOR: Lynette shouldn't have been so concerned about my
husband. He had other things on his mind. Things below the
surface.
------------------------------------------------------------
CUT TO: [EXT. WISTERIA LANE --- DAWN]
(A newspaper boy on a bike rides along the road, throwing
newspapers at each home as he rides by.)
NARRATOR: The morning after my funeral, my friends and
neighbors quietly went back to their busy, busy lives. Some did
their cooking.
(Cut to: INT. SCAVO HOUSE - KITCHEN --- DAY LYNETTE struggles
with her kids in her home, as the boys throw cereal around.)
NARRATOR: And some did their cleaning.
(Cut to: INT. VAN DE KAMP HOUSE - BATHROOM --- DAY BREE
kneels next to the toilet, holding a scrubber, scrubbing the toilet
ferociously.)
NARRATOR: And some did their yoga.
(Cut to: INT. SOLIS HOUSE - FOYER --- DAY We look out at
GABRIELLE, who strikes a yoga stance on a mat in front of her
open door.)
NARRATOR: Others did their homework.
(Cut to: EXT. WISTERIA LANE --- DAY A soccer ball is kicked high
in the air towards a house.)
(Cut to: INT. DELFINO HOUSE - FOYER --- DAY The sound of a
doorbell ringing. The door opens, and MIKE looks out at JULIE,
who smiles apologetically.)
JULIE: Hi.
(MIKE's dog barks, and MIKE puts a hand on the dog's neck to
calm it down. He looks at JULIE.)
JULIE: I'm Julie; I kicked my soccer ball into your backyard.
MIKE: Oh, OK. Well, let's go round and get it. (To dog) Stay.
(Cut to: INT. MAYER HOUSE - SUSAN- WORK STUDIO --- DAY
JULIE paces the floor walking back and forth, throwing the
soccer ball up and down as she talks. SUSAN is working on her
illustrations.)
JULIE: (to SUSAN) His wife died a year ago, he wanted to stay in
LA but there were too many memories. He's renting for tax
purposes, but he's hoping to buy a place real soon.
SUSAN: I can't believe you went over there.
JULIE: Hey, I saw you both flirting at the wake. You're obviously
into each other. Now that you know he's single, you can ask him
out.
SUSAN: Julie, I like Mr. Delfino, I do. It's just, I don't know if I'm
ready to start dating yet.
JULIE: Ugh, you need to get back out there. Come on. How long
has it been since you're had sex? (SUSAN's pen halts stroke. She
turns to look at JULIE, open-mouthed.) Are you mad that I asked
you that?
SUSAN: No, I'm just trying to remember. (JULIE tilts her head to
one side, smiling at SUSAN, who turns back to her drawing.) I
don't wanna talk to you about my love life anymore, it weirds
me out.
JULIE: I wouldn't have said anything it's just?
SUSAN: (turns around to look at JULIE) What?
JULIE: I heard Dad's girlfriend asking if you'd dated anyone since
the divorce, and Dad said he doubted it. (SUSAN looks down at
her lap.) And then they both laughed. (SUSAN turns to look at
JULIE, mouth open in indignation. That does it.)
(Cut to: EXT. WISTERIA LANE --- DAY SUSAN, holding a pot-plant,
hurries along the road and walks up the steps to MIKE's house to
ring his doorbell. We hear the dog bark as MIKE opens the door.)
MIKE: Hey, Susan.
SUSAN: Hi Mike. (Smiles) I brought you a little housewarming
gift. I probably should've brought something by earlier, but...
MIKE: Actually, you're the first in the neighborhood to stop by.
SUSAN: Really? (She laughs)
NARRATOR: Susan knew she was lucky. An eligible bachelor had
moved onto Wisteria Lane, and she was the first to find out. But
she also knew that good news travels quickly.
EDIE: (waving as she walks, holding a dish) Hello there!
NARRATOR: (slow motion shot of Edie jogging towards MIKE and
SUSAN) Edie Britt was the most predatory divorcee in a 5 block
radius. Her conquests were numerous.
(Flashback to: EDIE and a workman in her living room. She grabs
him, as his toolbox drops on the ground with a crash.)
NARRATOR: Varied?
(Cut to: a tennis coach standing behind EDIE in her living room,
helping her swing a tennis racquet with her right hand. She
turns and kisses him, pushing him onto her couch.)
NARRATOR: And legendary.
(Cut to: EDIE, sitting on her couch. She looks up at a priest, and
pulls him down on top of her. He yells, his Bible dropping onto
the ground.)
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
(EDIE walks up to the porch, pushing her sunglasses onto her
head.)
EDIE: Hi Susan, I hope I'm not interrupting. You must be Mike
Delfino. Hi, I'm Edie. Britt. I live over there (points). Welcome to
Wisteria Lane. (SUSAN shifts uncomfortably.)
NARRATOR: Susan had met the enemy, and she was a slut.
MIKE: Thank you, what's this?
EDIE: Sausage Puttenesca. It's just something I threw together.
(SUSAN looks at her disbelievingly.)
MIKE: Thanks, Edie. (Laughs) That's great. Uh, I'd invite you both
in, but I was sorta in the middle of something.
SUSAN: (overlapping EDIE) Oh, I'm late for an appointment
anyway.
EDIE: (overlapping SUSAN) Oh, no problem, I just wanted to say
hi.
MIKE: Well, thanks.
(SUSAN and EDIE walk down the steps of the porch, and down
the walkway.)
NARRATOR: And just like that, the race for Mike Delfino had
begun. For a moment, Susan wondered if her rivalry with Edie
would remain friendly.
EDIE: (turns suddenly) Oh, Mike. I heard you're a plumber?
MIKE: Yeah.
EDIE: Do you think you could stop by later tonight and take a
look at my pipes?
NARRATOR: But she was reminded that when it came to men?
Women don't fight fair.
MIKE: Sure.
EDIE: Thanks. (EDIE smiles, following SUSAN down the path.) Bye
Susan. (SUSAN waves halfheartedly as she walks in the opposite
direction towards her home.)
------------------------------------------------------------
CUT TO: [INT. SOLIS HOUSE -- DINING ROOM --- DAY]
GABRIELLE: [OS] You can't order me around like I'm a child!
(GABRIELLE paces the floor, hands on her waist as CARLOS packs
his suitcase for work)
CARLOS: Gabrielle...
GABRIELLE: No. No, no, no, I'm not going.
CARLOS: It's business, Tanaka expects everyone to bring their
wives.
GABRIELLE: Every time I'm around that man, he tries to grab my
ass.
CARLOS: (puts his hand on GABRIELLE's shoulder) I made over
$200,000 doing business with him last year. If he wants to grab
your ass, you let him.
(CARLOS walks out of the front door and down the porch steps.
He stops at the bottom of the steps, and looks sideways to
where JOHN is cutting a bush with a pair of gardening shears.)
CARLOS: John!
JOHN: (pricks his finger on a rose thorn) Ow. (Turns around to
look at CARLOS) Mr. Solis. You scared me.
CARLOS: Why is that bush still there? I told you to dig it up last
week.
JOHN: I didn't have time last week.
CARLOS: I don't wanna hear your excuses, just take care of it.
(GABRIELLE walks out the front door and walks down the porch
steps, putting her arms on her waist.)
GABRIELLE: (to CARLOS) I really hate the way you talk to me.
CARLOS: (walks up to her) And I really hate that I spent $15,000
on your diamond necklace that you
couldn't live without. But I'm learning to deal with it. (JOHN
sucks his finger, watching the argument) So. Can I tell Tanaka
we'll be there tomorrow night?
GABRIELLE: (turns sideways to look at JOHN) John. We have
bandages top shelf in the kitchen.
JOHN: Thanks, Mrs. Solis. (Walks between CARLOS and
GABRIELLE, up the porch steps and into the house.)
GABRIELLE: (looks at CARLOS coolly) Fine. I'll go. But I'm keeping
my back pressed against the wall the entire time.
CARLOS: (smiles as he walks backwards) See? Now this is what a
marriage is all about - compromise. (Turns around and walks
towards his car)
(Cut to: INT. SOLIS HOUSE - KITCHEN/DINING ROOM --- DAY
JOHN is putting a bandage on his finger. GABRIELLE walks in the
front door and comes up to him.)
GABRIELLE: Is your finger ok?
JOHN: Yeah, yeah, it's just a small cut.
GABRIELLE: Let me see. (Takes his hand, and starts kissing his
finger) Mmmm. (She puts her arms around his neck, kissing him
as she sliding her hands up his back. JOHN breaks off the kiss,
backing off to the other side of the room)
JOHN: You know, Mrs. Solis, uhh, I really like it when we hook up.
(GABRIELLE starts to take off her top slowly) But, um, you know I
gotta get my work done, I can't afford to lose this job. (JOHN
swallows, watching GABRIELLE as she takes off her shirt.)
GABRIELLE: (runs her hand over the tabletop) This table is hand
carved. Carlos had it imported from Italy. It cost him $23,000.
JOHN: You wanna do it on the table this time? (Walks towards
GABRIELLE)
GABRIELLE: Absolutely.
(JOHN takes his shirt off and kisses GABRIELLE, laying her down
on the table as they start to get it on.)
------------------------------------------------------------
CUT TO: [INT. VAN DE KAMP HOUSE - DINING ROOM -- DINNER
--- NIGHT]
(The VAN DE KAMP family is seated, eating silently.)
DANIELLE: Why can't we ever have normal soup?
BREE: Danielle, there is nothing abnormal about basil puree.
DANIELLE: Just once, can we have a soup that people have heard
of? Like, french onion or navy bean.
BREE: First of all, your father can't eat onions, he's deadly
allergic. (REX glances at BREE sullenly.) And I won't even dignify
your navy bean suggestion. So. How's the osso bucco?
ANDREW: It's OK. (BREE stares at him.)
BREE: It's OK? Andrew, I spent 3 hours cooking this meal. How
do you think it makes me feel when you say it's OK, in that sullen
tone?
ANDREW: Who asked you to spend 3 hours on dinner? (REX
stops chewing, looks at ANDREW. DANIELLE looks at BREE.)
BREE: Excuse me?
ANDREW: (REX looks back at his plate) Tim Harper's mom gets
home from work, pops open a can of pork and beans, and boom,
they're eating, everyone's happy.
BREE: You'd rather I serve pork and beans?
DANIELLE: Apologize now, I am begging.
ANDREW: I'm just saying, do you always have to serve cuisine?
Can't we ever just have food?
BREE: Are you doing drugs?
ANDREW: What!?
BREE: (angry) Change in behaviour is one of the warning signs,
and you have been as fresh as paint for the last 6 months. (looks
down) That certainly would explain why you're always locked in
the bathroom.
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DANIELLE: (grinning) Trust me, that is not what he is doing.
ANDREW: (to DANIELLE) (sot to) Shut up. (REX looks
embarrassed. BREE glances at REX, then back at ANDREW
incredulously) Mom, I'm not the one with the problem here,
alright? You're the one always acting like she's running for mayor
of Stepford.
BREE: (looks at REX) Rex. Seeing as you're the head of this
household, I would really appreciate you saying something.
REX: (beat) Pass the salt?
(DANIELLE passes the salt to REX. ANDREW, DANIELLE and REX
continue their meal as BREE looks at REX, stunned.)
------------------------------------------------------------
CUT TO: [INT. SUPERMARKET --- DAY]
NARRATOR: Three days after my funeral, Lynette replaced her
grief with a much more useful emotion - indignation.
(A frazzled LYNETTE is at the crowded supermarket with her
children. The baby is sitting in the cart, as, unseen by LYNETTE,
the twins sneak off, pushing the other cart into another aisle as
LYNETTE talks on the phone.)
LYNETTE: (on the phone) Tom, this is my 5th message and you
still haven't called me back. Well, you must be having a lot of fun
on your business trip. I can only imagine. Well, guess what, the
kids and I wanna have some fun too, so unless you call me back
by noon, we are getting on a plane and joining you.
PRESTON: Mom!
LYNETTE: (glances at PRESTON) Not now, honey, Mommy's
threatening Daddy.
PRESTON: Mom!
LYNETTE: (turns around as she throws a bottle in the cart.) No, I
am not... (She trails off, noticing the twins are gone) Where're
your brothers?
(Cut to ARKER pushing PORTER on the shopping cart in another
aisle, putting random items from the shelf in the cart.)
PORTER: Noodles, my favourite!
(Cut to YNETTE, followed by PRESTON, pushes the cart out of the
aisle, looking around, trying to find the twins. A SHOPPER looks
up to see LYNETTE coming towards her.)
SHOPPER: Lynette Scavo?
LYNETTE: (sotto) Crap. (looks up, smiling widely) Natalie Klein, I
don't believe it!
SHOPPER: Lynette! How long has it been?
LYNETTE:Years! Uh, how are you, how's the firm?
SHOPPER: Good, everyone misses you.
LYNETTE: Yeah.
SHOPPER: We all say, if you hadn't quit, you'd be running the
place by now.
LYNETTE: Yeah, well. (smiles, looking down)
SHOPPER: So?how's domestic life? Don't you just love being a
mom?
NARRATOR: And there it was - the question that Lynette always
dreaded.
LYNETTE: (hesitant) Well, to be honest...
NARRATOR: To those who asked it, only one answer was
acceptable. So, Lynette responded as she always did - she lied.
LYNETTE: It's the best job I've ever had. (smiling widely)
(Pan to:A cart comes out of an aisle behind LYNETTE and bumps
into an elderly lady, who gasps and falls over. A man hurries to
help her up. Sounds of glass breaking are heard as the twins are
loudly fascinated by the commotion they're caused. LYNETTE
closes her eyes, sighing.)
------------------------------------------------------------
CUT TO: [INT. SOLIS HOUSE - BEDROOM --- DAY (LATER)]
(A schoolbus is seen through the open balcony door, driving
along the road. GABRIELLE laughs softly offscreen. The camera
pans back as we see GABRIELLE and JOHN naked in bed, covered
with sheets. She leans across his body and lights up a cigarette.
JOHN: You know what I don't get?
GABRIELLE: What?
JOHN: Why you married Mr. Solis.
(GABRIELLE raises her eyebrows, blows out a mouthful of smoke
and leans on JOHN, stroking his chest.)
GABRIELLE: Well, he promised to give me everything I've ever
wanted.
JOHN: Well, did he?
GABRIELLE: Yes.
JOHN: Then... why aren't you happy? (GABRIELLE takes a drag of
her cigarette)
GABRIELLE: Turns out I wanted all the wrong things.
JOHN: So. Do you love him?
GABRIELLE: I do. (sighs)
JOHN: Well, then, why are we here? Why are we doing this?
GABRIELLE: Because I don't wanna wake up some morning with
a sudden urge to blow my brains out. (kisses JOHN, then takes
another drag of her cigarette)
JOHN: Hey, can I have a drag?
GABRIELLE: Absolutely not. You are much too young to smoke.
(kisses JOHN again)
------------------------------------------------------------
CUT TO: [INT. MAYER HOUSE - KITCHEN --- NIGHT]
(SUSAN is fixing her hair in the mirror, nervous. JULIE is sitting at
the kitchen table, doing a school project of making a model of
the Trojan Horse out of popsicle sticks.)
SUSAN: (exhales loudly) How would you feel about me using
your child support payments for plastic surgery?
JULIE: Stop being so nervous, you're just asking him out to
dinner. It's no big deal.
SUSAN: You're right. ( Stalling) So, is that your project for school?
You know in 5th grade I made the white house out of sugar
cubes.
JULIE: Stop stalling and go. Before Mike figures out he can do
better.
SUSAN: (gapes at JULIE) Tell me again why I fought for custody of
you?
JULIE: You were using me to hurt Dad.
SUSAN: Oh, that're right.
(SUSAN kisses JULIE's hair, then opens the kitchen back door to
walk outside.)
SUSAN: Oh god.
(JULIE smiles, looking back down at her project)
(Cut to: EXT. MIKE- PORCH - NIGHT SUSAN walks up the steps
and rings MIKE's doorbell. He opens the front door.)
SUSAN: (smiles) Hi.
MIKE: Hey, Susan.
SUSAN: Are you busy?
MIKE: No, not at all, what's up?
SUSAN: Well, I., I just was wondering, if, um, if there was any
chance that, um, you would uh... (Nervous laughter) I just...
wanted to ask if...
(EDIE appears at the door beside MIKE, holding a bottle of beer.)
SUSAN: (sees EDIE, surprised) Edie. What are you...?
EDIE: I was making ambrosia, and I made too much so I thought
I'd bring some over to Mike. What's going on?
MIKE: Uh, Susan was just about to ask me something.
SUSAN: Uh... (Beat) I have a clog.
MIKE: Excuse me?
SUSAN: And you're a plumber. Right?
MIKE: Yeah.
SUSAN: The clog's in the pipe.
MIKE: Yeah, that's usually where they are.
SUSAN: (laughs) Well, I've got one.
MIKE: Well, let me get my tools.
SUSAN: Now? You wanna come over now? (Uh oh.) Y-you have
company.
EDIE: I don't mind. (Smiles innocently at SUSAN)
MIKE: Just give me 2 minutes. I'll be right over.
(EDIE smirks at SUSAN, then shuts the door. SUSAN lets out a
small yelp as she rushes down the porch steps.)
(Cut to: INT. SUSAN- HOUSE - KITCHEN --- NIGHT SUSAN and
JULIE are at the sink, frantically trying to stuff handfuls of hair
down the sink.)
SUSAN: That's it, just stuff the hair down.
JULIE: I stuffed it; it's not enough to clog it.
SUSAN: Here, here, look. Put in this peanut butter. And this
cooking oil. (Grabs a jar of olives from the counter) And these
olives!
JULIE: Mom, Mom I'm telling you it's not working.
(The doorbell rings. MIKE is seen through the window outside
the kitchen back door. He looks in the window, smiling at
SUSAN.)
SUSAN: Uh, oh god. That's him. How am I gonna stuff up the
sink... (Trails off as she and JULIE turn to notice JULIE's miniature
Trojan horse sitting on the kitchen table.)
(Cut to: INT. SUSAN- HOUSE - KITCHEN --- NIGHT (LATER))
(MIKE is lying on the ground, looking up at the pipes in the
kitchen sink. SUSAN is leaning against the kitchen counter as he
works.)
MIKE: Well. (Takes a bunch of popsicle sticks out of a section of
the pipes as he looks up at SUSAN, who tucks some hair behind
her ear.) Here's your problem. Looks like somebody stuffed a
bunch of popsicle sticks down there.
(JULIE creeps down the stairs to peer out at them.)
SUSAN: I've told Julie a million times not to play in the kitchen.
(Laughs) Kids, y' know?
(MIKE laughs understandingly as SUSAN looks up, smiling. JULIE
catches SUSAN's eye and glares at her. SUSAN gestures
apologetically at JULIE.)
------------------------------------------------------------
CUT TO: [EXT. SADDLE RANCH CHOP HOUSE --- DUSK]
(Fade to: Interior of the restaurant, where the VAN DE KAMP
families are sitting in a booth as a SERVER has just finished
taking their orders.)
SERVER: Alright, I'll go put in your order. I'll be right back with
your drinks and your plates for the salad bar. (Walks away)
REX: Thank you.
BREE: Andrew, Danielle, napkins? (Smiles at them)
ANDREW: They have video games. Can we go play until our food
gets here?
BREE: Andrew. This is family time. I think we should all...
REX: (interrupts BREE) Go ahead and play. (DANIELLE and
ANDREW look at REX, surprised, as they get up and leave.)
BREE: I know that you think I'm angry about coming here, but
I'm not. I mean, the kids wanted a change of pace, something
fun. I get it. (Smiles at REX) Probably will want something
healthier tomorrow night though, I'm thinking about chicken?
REX: (interrupts BREE) I want a divorce. (BREE looks at him,
stunned) I just can't live in this... this detergent commercial
anymore.
(The SERVER stops beside their table.)
SERVER: The salad bar's rights over there, help yourself.
REX: Thank you.(watches as the SERVER walks away)
BREE: Um. Think I'll go get your salad for you.
(BREE takes his plate and walks to the salad bar. MRS. HUBER
sees her and gets up, following BREE to the salad bar. BREE puts
some lettuce leaves on the plate as MRS. HUBER comes up to
her. )
MRS. HUBER: Bree Van De Kamp!
BREE: (looks up, startled) Oh, hello Mrs. Huber. (Distractedly
putting some onions onto REX's salad.)
MRS. HUBER: Oh we didn't get a chance to talk at Mary Alice's
wake. How are you doing?
(BREE is lost for words, unable to answer as she looks back at
REX sitting in their booth, avoiding her eyes.)
NARRATOR: Bree longed to share the truth about her husband's
painful betrayal, but sadly for Bree, admitting defeat was not an
option.
BREE: (smiles at MRS. HUBER) Great. Everything is just great.
(Puts some dressing on the salad)
(Cut to: BREE slides back into their booth, where REX is sitting.)
BREE: Okay, well, I got you the honey mustard dressing; the
ranch looked just a little bit suspect. (Starts cutting the bread as
REX sighs, starting on his salad)
REX: (chews the salad as he watches BREE) Are we gonna talk
about what I just said?
BREE: If you think I'm gonna discuss the dissolution of my
marriage in a place where the restrooms are labeled "chicks"
and "dudes "(looks up at REX), you're out of your mind.
REX: (starts to choke, wheezing. He gestures at his salad) What's
in this?
BREE: What do you mean what's in this? It's salad.
REX: With? (Coughing and wheezing) with onions?
BREE: What?
REX: (fighting for breath) You put onions in my salad!!
(REX slides out of the booth, collapsing on the floor as he pulls
the tablecloth, and everything on it, along with him on the
ground. BREE stands up, stunned as she watches him collapsed
on the floor.)
BREE: (gasps) No, I didn't! (Realizing) Oh wait?
------------------------------------------------------------
CUT TO: [INT. YOUNG HOUSE - ZACH'S ROOM --- NIGHT]
(A sound of a pick awakens ZACH, who slides out of bed, puts on
his glasses and looks out the window.)
NARRATOR: The sound that awakened my son was something
he'd heard only once before, many years ago, when he was quite
young.
(ZACH walks along the garden path, towards the sound. He
comes to the pool, where PAUL has drained the water, and is
digging the rocks and dirt on the bottom with a pick.)
NARRATOR: But he recognized it instantly.
(PAUL looks up at ZACH, who watches him, breathing hard. PAUL
returns to his task, using the pick to loosen the concrete at the
bottom of the pool systematically, lit by only a small light
propped up next to him. ZACH just stands at the side of the pool,
watching, as we hear the sounds of PAUL grunting as he hacks at
the concrete.)
NARRATOR: It was the sound of family secret.
------------------------------------------------------------
CUT TO: [EXT. WISTERIA LANE --- MORNING]
(Cut to: INT. SCAVO HOUSE - LIVING ROOM/KITCHEN ---
MORNING
LYNETTE is feeding the baby, trying to coax him to eat puréed
peaches.)
NARRATOR: Seven days after my funeral, life on Wisteria Lane
finally returned to normal. Which, for some of my friends, was
unfortunate.
(The baby flicks a spoonful of peaches onto LYNETTE's face and
shirt. The baby gurgles with laughter. She puts her head in her
hands as PARKER appears at the open doorway.)
PARKER: Mommy, Mommy!
LYNETTE: (sotto) Now what.
PARKER: Daddy's home! (LYNETTE turns to look at the doorway,
surprised.)
(TOM appears at the door, holding a luggage bag, PORTER and
PRESTON in his arms, PARKER hanging onto his trouser leg.)
TOM: (laughing) Come on! Is everybody home?
LYNETTE: Hey, yeah! (Smiling and laughing, she gets up and picks
up the baby. She is surprised, happy to see him.)
SCAVO kids: Yeah, yeah!
TOM: Hey!
LYNETTE: I wasn't expecting you for a week!
TOM: (puts PORTER and PRESTON on the floor as he pats the
baby on the head. LYNETTE wipes some of the peach off her
face.) I have to go back to Frisco in the morning. When I got your
call, you sounded a little frazzled. (Kisses LYNETTE)
LYNETTE: Yeah! It's been a little rough!
TOM: Hmm, yeah, peaches.
PARKER: Daddy, Daddy, did you buy us any presents?
TOM: Oh god presents. Oh, wait a minute, lemme see. (Takes a
rugby ball out of his bag) Ooooh.
SCAVO kids: Yaaaaayyy! (LYNETTE smiles)
TOM: But I'm not gonna give it to you, unless you promise me
that you're gonna go outside right now and practice throwing
for 20 minutes, okay? You promise?
SCAVO kids: Yeah, yeah, yeah!! (All run outside)
TOM: Get out! Who's open! Go left! (Throws the ball out the
open doorway)
SCAVO kids: Yeah yeah yeah!
TOM: Deeper, deeper, touchdown! (throws his arms up in the
air)
(Cut to: TOM and LYNETTE, bursting through the doorway to
their bedroom, kissing and giggling)
LYNETTE: Oh my god, oh my, oh!
(They collapse on the bed, TOM on top of LYNETTE.)
LYNETTE: Ooh, you gotta be kidding! I'm exhausted! I look
terrible, I'm covered in peaches!
TOM: Sorry baby, I gotta have you.
LYNETTE: (rubs her forehead with her hand) Well, is it ok if I just
lie here?
TOM: Absolutely. (Kisses her)
LYNETTE: (giggles) I love you.
TOM: I love you more. (LYNETTE giggles as they kiss)
LYNETTE: Oh wait, I gotta tell you, I was having trouble with
swelling, so the doctor took me off the pill, so you're just gonna
have to put on a condom.
TOM: Condom?
LYNETTE: Yeah.
TOM: What's the big deal? Let's risk it.
LYNETTE: (incredulous) Let's risk it?
TOM: Yeah.
LYNETTE: Ooh! (Hits him on the face)
(TOM collapses on the bed, groaning, holding his face. LYNETTE
hits him with a stuffed toy.)
------------------------------------------------------------
CUT TO: [INT. HOSPITAL - REX'S ROOM --- DAY]
(REX is lying in the hospital bed, watching BREE, who sits a chair
next to the bed, avoiding his eyes.)
REX: I can't believe you tried to kill me.
BREE: Yes, well, I feel badly about that. I told you, Mrs. Huber
came over and I got distracted. It was a mistake.
REX: Since when do you make mistakes?
BREE: (laughing) What's that supposed to mean?
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REX: It means I'm sick of you being so damn perfect all the time.
I-I-I'm sick of the bizarre way your hair doesn't move. I'm sick of
you making the bed in the morning before I've even used the
bathroom. (BREE looks incredulously at REX) You're, you're this
plastic suburban housewife with her pearls and her spatula, who
says things like we owe the Hendersons a dinner? (BREE looks
down in at her lap, upset) Where's the woman I fell in love with?
Who, who used to burn the toast, drink milk out of the carton,
and laugh? I need her. Not this cold perfect thing you've
become.
BREE: (composes herself. She gets up and takes a vase off the
table) These need water.
(BREE walks into the bathroom, putting the vase in the sink and
filling it with water. She looks at herself in the mirror, and starts
to cry, putting her hand over her mouth.)
NARRATOR: BREE sobbed quietly in the bathroom for 5 minutes.
But her husband never knew. Because when Bree finally
emerged, she was perfect.
(BREE walks out of the bathroom holding the vase, smiling
serenely.)
------------------------------------------------------------
CUT TO:[EXT. SOLIS HOUSE - YAR D --- NIGHT]
(CARLOS kneels on the sidewalk, putting his face close to the
grass. GABRIELLE comes out of the front door, all dressed up in
an elegant dress, hair curled on her head. She shuts the door
and comes down the steps.)
GABRIELLE: I found my earrings, we can go now.
CARLOS: Was John here today?
(GABRIELLE stops short.)
GABRIELLE: Well, yeah.
CARLOS: The lawn hasn't been mowed. I've had it; we're getting
a real gardener.
GABRIELLE: Why??
CARLOS: Are you deaf? I just said, he's not doing his job.
GABRIELLE: It's dark; you just can't see that the lawn has been
mowed.
CARLOS: It hasn't been. Feel this grass.
GABRIELLE: I'm not feeling the grass! Let's just get going, come
on! We're late! (walks off towards the car as CARLOS looks
closely at the grass.)
(Cut to: EXT. OUTDOOR PARTY VENUE --- NIGHT)
(CARLOS walks with GABRIELLE on his arm. The party is filled
with elegantly dressed people.)
CARLOS: (throws his car keys at the valet) Take care of it.
VALET: Yes, sir.
CARLOS: There's Tanaka. Time for me to go into my dance.
GABRIELLE: (smiles) Good luck, sweetheart. (Kisses CARLOS on
the cheek.)
(CARLOS smiles at GABRIELLE and walks away towards TANAKA.
GABRIELLE looks around, and stops a WAITER passing by.)
GABRIELLE: Oh, excuse me.
WAITER: Ma'am?
GABRIELLE: You see that man who just walked away? Can you
make sure he has a drink in his hand all Night long. (Tucks a
folded banknote in his pocket.)
Waiter: (smiles) Yes, ma'am.
(GABRIELLE looks around, and hurries off.)
(Cut to: INT. GABRIELLE'S CAR --- NIGHT (LATER)
GABRIELLE is driving the car. We see that she's driving back to
Wisteria Lane. She parks the car in her driveway, hurries into the
open garage door, reappearing pushing the lawn mower. She
pushes the machine onto the grass and begins to mow the lawn,
tottering along in her high heels and party dress.)
(Cut to: EXT. OUTDOOR PARTY VENUE --- NIGHT (STILL LATER)
GABRIELLE hurries back to the party. She sees CARLOS with
TANAKA, a drink on his hand, who hasn't even noticed that she'd
left. She sighs with relief, running her hand along her hair.
GABRIELLE picks a piece of grass from her hair, throwing it over
her shoulder hastily.
(Cut to: EXT. SOLIS HOUSE --- DAY (THE NEXT MORNING)
CARLOS comes out of the front door and walks down the
walkway. He stops and crouches down to run his hand along the
mowed grass. Looking puzzled, CARLOS straightens up and
continues walking to the car mollified. We pan up to see
GABRIELLE watching from the upstairs balcony, sighing with
relief as she's successfully covered her affair.)
------------------------------------------------------------
CUT TO:[INT. SUPERMARKET --- DAY]
(SUSAN pushes her cart along the aisle. Spotting MRS. HUBER,
she tries to sneak past, with no luck. MRS. HUBER notices her.)
MRS. HUBER: Susan? Susan!
SUSAN: (smiles) Oh. Mrs. Huber, how you doing?
MRS. HUBER: Not too well, I'm afraid. I'm trying to find
something to soothe my stomach.
SUSAN: It's upset?
MRS. HUBER: Yeah, I had the worst macaroni and cheese at the
wake, it's been running through my system ever since.
SUSAN: (sympathetic smile) Oh.
MRS. HUBER: And I need to be at my best tonight. Edie Britt's
son is spending the night tonight.
SUSAN: (raises her eyebrows) He's spending the night?
MRS. HUBER: Apparently, Edie is having a gentleman friend over
on dinner, and I think she plans on entertaining into the wee
hours, if you know what I mean.
(SUSAN is stunned. She immediately hurries out, leaving her cart
in the middle of the aisle while MRS. HUBER is busy browsing.)
MRS. HUBER: Oh, here's some antacid. Have you ever tried this?
(looks up, notices SUSAN is gone)
(Cut to: INT. SUSAN's HOUSE - KITCHEN ---- NIGHT SUSAN is
pacing the floor as JULIE watches her, curled up on the couch.)
SUSAN: I can't believe it. This can't be happening. Mike can't like
Edie better than me, he just can't!
JULIE: I don't know what's going on. Maybe they're just... having
dinner.
(SUSAN gives her a look.)
JULIE: You're right. They're doing it.
(Cut to: EXT. WISTERIA LANE --- NIGHT)
(SUSAN holds a measuring cup and walks up to EDIE's front
porch. She rings the doorbell.)
SUSAN: Edie?
(SUSAN walks along the side of EDIE's house, peering in the back
door.)
SUSAN: Edie? Hello..?
(SUSAN tries the back door and finds it open. Hearing music, she
walks in.)
SUSAN: Anybody home? I need to borrow sugar?
(SUSAN walks along the corridor, where she picks up a piece of
EDIE's discarded clothing. She goes into the living room, where
she sees lots of candles lit, glasses of wine and chocolate on the
coffee table. The measuring drop drops out of her hand and
onto the floor. She picks up EDIE's pink, flowered bra, looking at
it as she hears a noise.)
EDIE: [OS] Oh! Oh my god!
(SUSAN realizes what EDIE is doing upstairs. Upset, she drops
down onto the couch)
NARRATOR: And just like that, the possibility that Susan had
clung onto, the maybe of Mike Delfino was gone forever. And
despite the precariousness of the situation, Susan took a
moment to mourn her loss.
(SUSAN throws EDIE's bra behind her, where it catches the flame
of the candles. It starts to burn, and lights up the curtain as well.
SUSAN picks up a piece of chocolate and eats it. Smelling smoke,
she turns around and discovers the curtain is on fire.)
SUSAN: Oh... Oh! Oh!
(SUSAN tries to put out the fire with no avail. She throws the
leftover wine from the glasses onto the fire, which makes it
worse.)
NARRATOR: It didn't take long for Susan to realize, this was just
not her night.
(SUSAN abandons the scene, and runs out, cutting through the
back garden. Meanwhile, EDIE's living room goes up in flames.)
EDIE: (OS) Is somebody out there? Oh my god, there's smoke!
------------------------------------------------------------
CUT TO: [EXT. EDIE'S HOUSE ---- NIGHT (LATER)]
(The house is a burning inferno. The neighborhood has turned
out to watch as fire-fighters try and save the blazing house. EDIE,
wrapped in a blanket and followed by a fireman, rushes out from
behind a fire truck and sees the burning house.)
EDIE: (teary) Oh my god. Oh... (Leans against the fire truck)
(We follow SUSAN, as she walks by MRS. HUBER.)
MRS. HUBER: (in a lowered voice, to neighbor) ...candles
unattended in the den. Paramedics say she was lucky, she
could've been killed!
(SUSAN walks up to where LYNETTE, BREE and GABRIELLE are
standing together behind the police tape, facing the burning
house.)
LYNETTE: (to GABRIELLE and BREE) She was having sex with
some guy when the fire started.
GABRIELLE: What happened to him?
LYNETTE: He got smoke inhalation, he's at the hospital.
SUSAN: Oh..
BREE: Susan, are you alright? You look awful.
SUSAN: I'm fine. I'm fine. I just feel really bad for Edie.
GABRIELLE: Oh, don't worry about Edie. She's a strong lady.
LYNETTE: Absolutely. She'll get through this. She'll find a way to
survive.
BREE: We all do.
GABRIELLE: Come on.
(They all turn around and walk away. BREE, GABRIELLE and
LYNETTE go to their respective spouses. SUSAN goes to lean
against a police car hood, watching the burning house, arms
folded. Suddenly, MIKE walks up behind her.)
MIKE: Wow, what happened?
SUSAN: (surprised) Mike!
NARRATOR: And suddenly, there he was, like a phoenix rising
from the ashes.
SUSAN: I, I thought you were... um. Where were you?
MIKE: I just got back from the movies. Edie had a fire, huh?
SUSAN: Yeah. Yeah, but she's fine now. Everything's fine now.
NARRATOR: And just like that, Susan was happy. Life was
suddenly full of possibilities.
(SUSAN smiles, looking back at the burning house. MIKE looks at
her, smiling, as he too turns his head to the house. The camera
pans out, showing them standing together from behind, both
watching the burning house side by side.)
(Cut to: INT. MIKE'S HOUSE - ENTRANCE ---- NIGHT)
NARRATOR: Not to mention a few unexpected surprises.
(MIKE picks up the phone and dials.)
MAN: Hello?
MIKE: Hey, it's me.
MAN: Do you have anything yet.
MIKE: No, not yet, but don't worry. I'm definitely getting closer.
(MIKE pulls a gun out of his pocket, putting it down next to the
phone.)
------------------------------------------------------------
CUT TO: [EXT. MARY ALICE'S HOUSE - FRONT YARD --- DAY]
(SUSAN, BREE, LYNETTE and GABRIELLE walk down the pathway
to the gate, where a car with the trunk open is parked at the
kerb.)
SUSAN: I brought some champagne. I thought we should all
have a toast.
NARRATOR: The next day, my friends came together to pack
away my clothes, my personal belongings, and what was left of
my life.
SUSAN: Alright ladies, lift 'em up. To Mary Alice, good friend and
neighbor. Wherever you are, we hope you've found peace.
LYNETTE: To Mary Alice.
GABRIELLE: To Mary Alice.
(They clink their glasses together, and drink their champagne.
They lower their glasses, and look at each other, remembering.
LYNETTE runs her hand across SUSAN's cheek affectionately,
then goes to the car trunk as they all break up.)
LYNETTE: Let's get this show on the road.
(GABRIELLE holds up a pair of pants from a box on the sidewalk.
A piece of paper falls onto the ground.)
GABRIELLE: You guys check out Mary Alice's clothes? Size 8, hah!
She always told me she was a size 6. Guess we found the
skeleton in her closet.
NARRATOR: Not quite, Gabrielle, not quite.
(BREE picks up the piece of paper.)
GABRIELLE: What's that?
BREE: It's a letter, addressed to Mary Alice.
NARRATOR: How ironic, to have something I tried so desperately
to keep secret, treated so casually.
(GABRIELLE opens up the piece of paper.)
LYNETTE: What're you doing? That's private.
GABRIELLE: It's open, what's the big deal?
(GABRIELLE and LYNETTE read the piece of paper. They pass it to
SUSAN, who reads the note with BREE looking over her
shoulder:
I KNOW WHAT YOU DID
IT MAKES ME SICK
I'M GOING TO TELL
They look up in shock and amazement.)
SUSAN: What does this mean?
LYNETTE: I don't know, but check out the postmark.
BREE: Oh my god, she got it the day she died.
GABRIELLE: (takes the envelope, looking at it) Do you think this
is why she...?
NARRATOR: I'm so sorry, girls. I never wanted you to be
burdened with this.
SUSAN: Oh Mary Alice, what did you do?
(The camera pans out on BREE, GABRIELLE, LYNETTE and SUSAN,
looking at each other in amazement.)
DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES
1X02: AH, BUT UNDERNEATH
------------------------------------------------------------
Previously on Desperate Housewives.
(MARY ALICE takes a box off a shelf in the closet. Looking
worried and distraught, she shakily puts a revolver to her temple.
We see a finger pulling the trigger, and a loud shot is heard. The
camera stays on the YOUNG family picture, as the blurred
reflection of MARY ALICE is shown in the frame of the picture
falling to the ground.)
(Cut to: )
GABRIELLE: If Mary Alice was having some sort of crisis, we'd
have known. She lives 50 feet away, for God's sakes.
SUSAN: Gabby, the woman killed herself. Something must've
been going on.
(Cut to: )
GABRIELLE: Every time I'm around that man, he tries to grab my
ass!
CARLOS: I made over $200,000 doing business with him last year.
If he wants to grab your ass, you let him.
(Cut to: )
JOHN: Why aren't you happy?
GABRIELLE: Turns out I wanted all the wrong things.
(Cut to: )
GABRIELLE: What's that?
BREE: It's a letter, addressed to Mary Alice.
(GABRIELLE and LYNETTE read the piece of paper. They pass it to
SUSAN, who reads the note with BREE looking over her
shoulder.)
I KNOW WHAT YOU DID
IT MAKES ME SICK
I'M GOING TO TELL
SUSAN: Oh Mary Alice, what did you do?
------------------------------------------------------------
OPEN ON: [EXT. GRAVEYARD -- DAY]
(We open on a lily flower planted on the ground of the
graveyard. We pan to Mary Alice's freshly buried grave, where
we see her tombstone:
MARY ALICE YOUNG
11.18.65 - 9.26.04
Beloved Wife and Mother
There are two bunches of orangey-red roses on either side of
the tombstone.)
NARRATOR: An odd thing happens when we die. Our senses
vanish. Taste, touch, smell and sound become a distant memory.
But our sight, ah, our sight expands. And we can suddenly see
the world we've left behind so clearly. Of course, most of what's
visible to the dead can also be seen by the living, if they only
take the time to look.
(Cut to: GABRIELLE, with her eyes closed, naked as she lies
underwater in her bathtub, holding her breath.)
NARRATOR: Like my friend Gabrielle. I should've seen how
unhappy she was. But I didn't. I only saw her clothes from Paris;
(Flashback to: GABRIELLE giggling as she twirls, wearing a
beautiful black dress, walking towards CARLOS, who takes her
hand and pulls her towards him, kissing her.)
NARRATOR: And her platinum jewellery;
(Cut to: GABRIELLE, holding her hair back, excited as CARLOS
fastens a necklace around her neck, a piece of paper,
presumably the bill! wedged in his mouth.)
NARRATOR: And her brand new diamond watch.
(Cut to: CARLOS, handing GABRIELLE an open box as he walks by,
talking business on his cell phone. GABRIELLE smiles when
CARLOS hands her the box, but the smile fades as CARLOS walks
off, still talking on his phone.
End of Flashback. Resume to present.)
NARRATOR: Had I looked closer, I've seen that Gabrielle was a
drowning woman, desperately in search of a life raft. Luckily for
her, she found one.
(GABRIELLE sits up, smiling as she leans towards JOHN as they
英语电影网：www.walenglish.com Desperate Hosuewives《绝望主妇》1-5 季英文剧本 ——第5/297 页——
kiss.)
NARRATOR: Of course, Gabrielle only saw her young gardener as
a way to infuse her life with a little excitement. But now, she was
about to discover just how exciting her life could get.
(Cut to: CARLOS in his car, pulling in the driveway. We flash
between scenes of GABRIELLE kissing JOHN, giggling as CARLOS
gets out, holding a briefcase in his hand. As he slams the door,
GABRIELLE stops, hearing a noise. She peeks out the window
and sees CARLOS walking along the path towards the house.)
GABRIELLE: Damn it!?(grabs JOHN's arm, pulling him out of the
bathroom) Come on.
JOHN: Whoa!
(GABRIELLE and JOHN hurry down the stairs, slipping and sliding
as they go.)
GABRIELLE: Come on, come on, hurry! Let's go, let's go!
(They run into the living room. GABRIELLE grabs the strewn
clothes on the floor, shoving them at JOHN.)
JOHN: Where're the rest of my clothes?
(CARLOS stops at the bottom of the path, opening the letterbox
to get the mail.)
GABRIELLE: I'll find them, just get out!
JOHN: Where?
(GABRIELLE looks around, sees the back windows facing the side
garden. She points at the window.)
GABRIELLE: Out the window.
JOHN: What?
GABRIELLE: Go, go!
(As JOHN tries to get out the window, GABRIELLE looks at the
door, panicked as we cut to CARLOS walking up the steps of the
front porch. GABRIELLE pushes JOHN out the window, grabbing
his towel as she wraps her hair in the towel JOHN was using. She
smiles at CARLOS who walks in.)
GABRIELLE: Hi honey, you're home early!
CARLOS: My meeting got cancelled. (looks at GABRIELLE as he
puts down his things on the table.) You just took a shower this
morning.
GABRIELLE: I, uh, I just finished a workout.
(GABRIELLE's smile fades as she sees JOHN's jeans in the corner
of the couch, luckily hidden from CARLOS's view. She walks
towards CARLOS, covering the jeans with a cushion.)
CARLOS: Mmm. Where's John?
GABRIELLE: John?
CARLOS: Yeah. That's his truck out front.
(GABRIELLE is speechless, her mouth moving, but no sound
coming out of her mouth.)
NARRATOR: Gabrielle was panicked. She knew if her husband
discovered her secret, she would feel the full force of his wrath.
JOHN: Hey Mr. Solis.
(We pan to the open front window, where JOHN is seen,
trimming the hedge with his shears. He is wearing his flannel
shirt.)
CARLOS: Hey, John, did you take care of that ficus yet?
JOHN: I'll get to it as soon as I've done here.
CARLOS: Alright. We need to talk about the hedges later.
(JOHN flashes GABRIELLE a brief, shy smile as GABRIELLE
breathes a sigh of relief.)
NARRATOR: But she was quickly reminded that what Carlos
couldn't see, couldn't hurt her.
JOHN: Yeah, sure, no problem.
(The camera pans to the outside view, where we see JOHN,
wearing only his flannel shirt and nothing else, as he stands on a
stepladder, pretending to trim the hedges. Hehe. Yummy.)
Opening Credits
------------------------------------------------------------
[OPEN ON:INT. MEYER HOUSE - KITCHEN -- NIGHT]
(We open to look out the kitchen window, where we see the
darkened YOUNG house opposite SUSAN's house. The camera
pans to show LYNETTE sitting on the kitchen counter, rubbing
her neck with one hand. We then see BREE holding a dishcloth
and wiping her hands, her face sombre, as GABRIELLE holds a
glass of red wine in her hands. SUSAN is sitting at the table. They
are all looking at the kitchen table, where, in front of SUSAN,
lays the mysterious warning letter found in MARY ALICE's
belongings. The camera cuts to show a face shot of SUSAN,
GABRIELLE, BREE, then LYNETTE. They all look solemn.)
NARRATOR: The peaceful facade of Wisteria Lane had recently
been shattered. First by my suicide, and then by the discovery of
a note among my belongings that suggested a suspicious reason
for my desperate act. My friends gathered to discuss its
implications.
SUSAN: (sighs) I think we should give it to Paul.
GABRIELLE: He's still mourning, Susan, he'll probably freak out.
SUSAN: It doesn't matter, she was his wife. He deserves to have
all the facts.
BREE: Well, we could do it gently. We could tell him about it over
coffee and pastry. (hands LYNETTE a cup of tea.)
LYNETTE: (sips the tea) That would be fun. Paul, we have proof
your wife killed herself over some deep dark secret. Another ??
GABRIELLE: We could always call the police.
LYNETTE: Maybe it's just some sort of sick joke.
BREE: Well if it was a joke, it was in very poor taste.
SUSAN: No, this was serious, I know it was. We gotta find out
what was going on.
LYNETTE: (puts the cup of tea down on the counter and slides off
to lean against the counter) Let's say we do. There's a chance
we're not gonna like what we find.
SUSAN: Well, isn't it worse to be in the dark, imagining she did
all these horrible things?
BREE: It's the age-old question, isn't it? (SUSAN looks up at
BREE.) How much do we really wanna know about our
neighbours?
(SUSAN looks at GABRIELLE, who looks down at the letter. The
camera pans to show the threatening letter.)
------------------------------------------------------------
[FADE TO:EXT. YOUNG HOUSE -- NIGHT --- LATER]
(ZACH stands at the bottom of the emptied pool, looking down
into a deep, dark hole that PAUL dug up. He looks back at the
dark house, where we cut to PAUL staggering into the garage,
carrying a large, heavy chest. It looks like it hasn't been opened
for a long time.)
NARRATOR: My friends were right to be concerned. They knew
that every family has its secrets. And as my son and husband
could've told them, you need to think carefully before digging
them up.
------------------------------------------------------------
[CUT TO: EXT. MEYER HOUSE -- NIGHT --- LATER]
(We see our four housewives walking towards the gate. They say
their farewells, as SUSAN walks back into her house. LYNETTE
walks along the left path, GABRIELLE walks along the right path
and BREE crosses the street all in four different directions.)
NARRATOR: After talking for hours, my friends still hadn't agreed
on what to do with the note. So, they decided to talk about it in
the morning after a good night's rest. But no one could fall
asleep that night. They each kept thinking of my suicide, and
how terribly alone I must've felt. You see, lonely was something
my friend's understood all too well.
(Cut to: SUSAN, lying awake in her bed as she sighs.)
(Pan to: GABRIELLE, lying alone in her bed, CARLOS' side empty.
She looks frustrated, angry and sad.)
(Pan to: LYNETTE, who turns her head to the empty side of the
bed. Presumably TOM is on another one of his business trips.)
(Pan to: BREE, who still looks very prim and proper lying in her
bed with a proper white, frilly, lacy nightgown. But, it's
sleeveless,Sassy. BREE sighs as she looks sideways at the empty
side of the bed. We cut to BREE walking down the stairs to the
living room, tying the cord of her dressing gown. She stops at
the foot of the makeshift bed where REX is lying, back towards
the camera.)
REX: (turns around) It's okay, I'm up.
BREE: (smiles) Good. I have a question for you.
REX: (rolls his eyes, and gets up, sitting next to BREE on the side
of the bed.) Okay.
BREE: Do you remember when you proposed?
REX: For god's sake.
BREE: We sat on Skyline Drive and drank a bottle of apple wine.
And when we finished it, you turned to me and you said, If you
marry me, Bree Mason, I promise to love you for the rest of my
life. And even though I was engaged to Ty Grant, and even
though my father didn't like you, I said yes.
REX: That was a long time ago.
BREE: You're gonna cancel the meeting with that divorce lawyer,
and we're gonna find ourselves a marriage counsellor.
REX: Bree, I?
BREE: (looks crestfallen) You promised.
REX: Alright.
BREE: (smiles) Good, I'm gonna go make myself some, uh, warm
milk. Would you like something to drink?
REX: Anything but apple wine.
[CUT TO:INT. MEYER HOUSE - KITCHEN -- NIGHT --- LATER]
(SUSAN stands at the kitchen counter, filling a glass filled with
water. She takes a sip as she looks out the window. She sees
MIKE walking his dog across the road, sighing.)
NARRATOR: Susan awoke that night alone and parched. And as
she gazed out her window, she saw the tall drink of water she
needed to quench her thirst.
JULIE: Dear Diary, Mike doesn't even know I'm alive.
SUSAN: Shut up.
JULIE: If you wanna date him, you're gonna have to ask him out.
SUSAN: I keep hoping he'll ask me out.
JULIE: How's that going?
SUSAN: Shouldn't you be making brownies for your nerdy
friends?
JULIE: I can't find the measuring cup. Have you seen it?
SUSAN: The measuring cup? (flashbacks to dropping the
measuring cup in the living room of the BRITT house.)
JULIE: Yeah.
SUSAN: Hm. (flashbacks to SUSAN yelping, the living room on
fire, then to the firefighters trying to save the burning house.)
Uh, well it's gotta be here somewhere. Just keep looking.
[CUT TO: INT. SOLIS HOUSE - BEDROOM -- NIGHT --- LATER]
(The bedroom door opens, and CARLOS walks in. He goes to the
walk-in closet and takes off his suit jacket. GABRIELLE's eyes are
closed.)
CARLOS: I know you're awake.
GABRIELLE: I know you're a jerk.
CARLOS: Dinner with Tanaka ran long, I'm sorry.
GABRIELLE: (sits up) You know, Carlos, I didn't marry you so I
could have dinner by myself 6 nights a week. You know how
bored I was today? I came this close to actually cleaning the
house.
CARLOS: Don't be that way. I got you a gift.
GABRIELLE: Nope. No, no, no, no. you're not gonna buy your
way outta this one.
CARLOS: It's a good gift. (lays on the bed next to her, and tosses
the jewellery box next to GABRIELLE.)
GABRIELLE: Is that white gold?
CARLOS: Yeah. Put it on. (kisses GABRIELLE's shoulder) And then
make love to me.
GABRIELLE: I'm not in the mood. But, we could stay up and talk.
CARLOS: (laughs and gets up, walking to the table at the end of
the bed) When a man buys a woman expensive jewellery, there
are many things he may want in return. For future reference,
conversation ain't one of them.
(GABRIELLE throws the box at him, pissing off. Jerk.)
CARLOS: Hey, that was a joke.
GABRIELLE: Yeah, right. (throws the bedcovers back and gets up)
CARLOS: (catches hold of her by her arms) What the hell's wrong
with you?
GABRIELLE: Let go of me.
CARLOS: You're been acting like a nightmare for a month. What's
wrong?
GABRIELLE: Stop.
CARLOS: I can't fix it unless you tell me.
GABRIELLE: (throws her arms free, and sits back on the bed,
sighing) It's not exciting anymore, Carlos.
CARLOS: (sighs, sits on the bed next to her) So what am I
supposed to do?
GABRIELLE: I don't know. Be the way you used to be, surprise me,
take my breath away.
CARLOS: (sighs) Okay. Okay.
[CUT TO: EXT. MEYER HOUSE -- DAY ]
(The front door opens, and SUSAN walks out, holding a bag of
rubbish. She looks like she literally just rolled out of bed. She
stifles a yawn as she opens the rubbish bin at the kerb, stuffing
the plastic rubbish bag into it. We see MIKE a little distance
away behind her, walking his dog again. He turns at the sound of
SUSAN dumping the rubbish.)
MIKE: Hey Susan.
SUSAN: (stops short, eyes wide, not turning around) Mike!
MIKE: What's wrong?
SUSAN: I didn't realize anyone was gonna be out here, I just
sorta rolled outta bed.
MIKE: I'm sure you look fine.
SUSAN: Oooh. (fixes herself, then turns around, smiling.)
MIKE: (pulls Bongo back as the dog starts barking at SUSAN, who
looks startled) Ooh, Bongo, Bongo! Shh.. Sorry, uh, he scares
easy.
SUSAN: No, it's fine, I get it.
MIKE: I didn't mean to disturb you. I'll see you later. (turns
around to go)
SUSAN: Do you wanna have dinner with me?
MIKE: (turns back towards SUSAN) Just the two of us?
SUSAN: Heh, well, and Julie. Uh, it's a thing we do when
somebody new moves into the neighbourhood, we invite them
over for a home-cooked meal. Sort of a tradition.
MIKE: You said you were a lousy cook.
SUSAN: Well. I order takeout.
MIKE: Oh, you invite them over for a home-cooked meal and you
order takeout.
SUSAN: Yeah, it's sort of a new tradition. I'm working out the
kinks.
MIKE: (chuckles) I'll tell you what. How about I cook? And you
guys come over to my place.
SUSAN: Oh. Great.
MIKE: Friday night at six?
SUSAN: I'll be there.
MIKE: Alright.
SUSAN: (laughs, bending down towards Bongo) Bye, Bongo.
(Bongo barks at SUSAN, who jumps back, laughing tentatively.
SUSAN runs back into the house, excited. JULIE watches her
smiling at her mother's obvious excitement. SUSAN bursts into
the kitchen door.)
SUSAN: Julie? Mike Delfino just invited us to dinner Friday night.
JULIE: He did? Cool.
SUSAN: But only I'm going. Because you're gonna come down
with something semi-serious that requires bed-rest and fluids.
(runs up the stairs as she squeals)
[CUT TO: EXT. BRITT HOUSE -- DAY]
(EDIE and MRS. HUBER are sifting through the burnt-out shell of
the house.)
NARRATOR: Julie was glad Susan was rekindling her love life. Of
course, she was unaware of her mother's recent track record
with fire.
EDIE: It's all gone. Everything my ex-husband's worked for all
those years. Gone.
MRS HUBER: Don't worry about clothing, I already started a
collection from people in the neighbourhood.
EDIE: (picks up a little burnt pot, and puts it in a bucket) What? I
don't wanna wear other people's old crap.
MRS HUBER: Edie, you can be homeless or you can be
ungracious. You really can't afford to be both.
EDIE: (picks up a semi-burnt pink bra, and sighs) That reminds
me. My insurance cheque still hasn't come yet. Can I stay with
you for a few more weeks?
MRS HUBER: Of course. What kind of Christian would I be if I
denied shelter to a friend in need? (spots SUSAN's burnt
measuring cup on the ground)Oh look, here's something we can
salvage, your measuring cup. We can just scrape off the burnt
part and it'll look good as new.
EDIE: That's not my cup. Mine was plastic.
MRS HUBER: Well, how did it get in here?
EDIE: I don't know. Who cares? Now would you put that down
and start looking for jewellery? (MRS. HUBER holds onto the
burnt glass measuring cup, looking suspicious.)
[CUT TO:INT. DR. GOLDFINE'S OFFICE -- DAY]
NARRATOR: Doctor Albert Goldfine was the most accomplished
marriage counsellor in the city. He had dealt with problems
ranging from substance abuse, to infidelity, to domestic violence.
Yes, Dr. Goldfine thought he had seen it all. And then, he met
the Van De Kamp's.
(DR. GOLDFINE is sitting at his desk, writing when he hears a
knock at his office door. He walks over to open it. BREE and REX
are standing there. BREE is looking sparkly and happy as usual,
while REX looks on, incredulously exasperated.)
BREE: Hi, I'm Bree, and this is my husband Rex. And I brought
you some homemade pot pourri. (She hands him a packet of pot
pourri as she walks past him into the office.)
REX: (pats DR. GOLDFINE on the shoulder) The answer is yes,
you're about to make a fortune off us.
(DR. GOLDFINE looks ambushed. Tee-hee.)
[CUT TO:INT. SCAVO CAR -- DAY]
LYNETTE: Boys, guys, I'm begging you, sit in your seats. I'm not
gonna tell you again! Buckle up! I mean it, so help me, I'll-(A
police motorcycle drives up behind her, siren sounding) Oh ..
crap! (She stops the car.)
OFFICER: (the policeman gets off his bike and walks to LYNETTE's
window) License and registration please. (accepts the
documents from LYNETTE) Ma'am, you know why I pulled you
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over?
LYNETTE: I have a theory.
OFFICER: Your kids are jumping up and down; they should be
sitting, wearing a seatbelt.
LYNETTE: I yelled at them. They never listen to me, it's very
frustrating.
OFFICER: Well, you're gonna hafta find a way to control them.
After all, that's your job. (Walks off back to his motorbike)
NARRATOR: Though he's been a policeman for 6 years, Officer
Hayes had never found himself in a truly dangerous situation.
Then again, he had never before told a woman how to raise her
children.
(LYNETTE sits with her hands on the wheel of her car, looking
pissed.)
LYNETTE: (gets out of her car, slamming the door) You saying I'm
a bad mother?
OFFICER: Ma'am, you need to get back in your car please.
LYNETTE: (slowly walks towards the policeman) I have no help,
my husband's always away on business.
OFFICER: I'm gonna hafta ask you to step back now. (slowly
moves his hands towards his weapon)
LYNETTE: My babysitter joined the witness relocation program. I
haven't slept through the night in 6 years.
OFFICER: Ma'am..?
LYNETTE: (gets right in the policeman's face) And for you to
stand there, and judge me.
OFFICER: Okay. I'm not gonna give you a ticket. I'm just gonna let
you off with a warning.
LYNETTE: I accept your apology. (takes her license and
registration from his hands and gets back in her car.)
OFFICER: Buckle up!
[CUT TO: EXT. ROWLAND HOUSE -- DAY]
(We see someone (JOHN's mum) come out the front door, get in
their car and drive off. As soon as the car drives down the road,
a car door opens, and a pair of leopard-print high-heels steps
out of the car. It's GABRIELLE, who looks around, a little shiftily.
She walks,struts across the street. A doorbell is heard, and JOHN
opens the door to GABRIELLE.)
JOHN: (smiles) Mrs. Solis!
GABRIELLE: Hello Jonathan.
(Cut to: JOHN and GABRIELLE walk into his room. JOHN closes
the door behind them.)
JOHN: Well, this is my room. Sorry about the mess.
GABRIELLE: Oh, well, don't... (hesitates as she sees his messy
room) worry about it.
JOHN: You just missed my mom. On Friday she coaches my little
sister's soccer team.
GABRIELLE: (takes a half-eaten sandwich on a plate off JOHN's
bed, putting it on his desk) Oh yes, I heard that. Uh, John, we
need to talk about what happened the other day.
JOHN: Mr. Solis isn't starting to catch on, is he?
GABRIELLE: (sits on the edge of his bed) No, no, he doesn't have
a clue, God love him. It's just, I was thinking, that when you
come over to garden, you might actually have to garden.
JOHN: Great, you're breaking up with me. In my own bedroom.
GABRIELLE: No, no, no, I'm not dumping you. Lately, you're been
the only thing keeping me going. It's just, we can't do it at my
house anymore.
JOHN: Oh, so then, where do you wanna do it?
GABRIELLE: Well, uh, what time does your mom get back from
soccer practice?
JOHN: (smiles a little shyly) Mrs. Solis.
GABRIELLE: You better hurry, we don't have a lot of time.
(JOHN rips his shirt off as he walks over to GABRIELLE, laying her
down on the bed as he kisses her neck. GABRIELLE catches sight
of a picture of a younger JOHN playing baseball next to the bed.
She flips the photo down out of sight, then smiles.)
[CUT TO:INT. DR. GOLDFINE'S OFFICE -- DAY]
(The camera opens on a recording voice-recorder as we hear
BREE talking in the Van De Kamp's therapy session.)
BREE: And so, there's just the four of us. My oldest son Andrew
is 16, Danielle is 15, and?(looks down as she reaches into her
purse.)
DR GOLDFINE: (hastily) I don't need to see pictures. Bree, you're
spent most of the hour engaging in small talk.
BREE: (smiles serenely) Oh, have I?
(REX flashes BREE a sideways glance.)
DR GOLDFINE: Yes. Rex has been very vocal about his issues.
Don't you want to discuss your feelings about your marriage?
BREE: (shifts uncomfortably, smoothing her hair) Um, Doc,um?
REX: This is the thing you need to know about Bree. She doesn't
like to talk about her feelings. To be honest, it's hard to know if
she has any. (BREE looks at REX incredulously.) Does she feel
anger, rage, ecstasy? Who knows? She's always pleasant. And I
can't tell you how annoying that is. (BREE catches sight of a
loose button on DR. GOLDFINE's jacket. She stares at it, lost in
thought as REX's words start sounding distorted as she loses
concentration in the conversation) Whatever she feels is so far
below the surface that.. that no one can see?she uses all those
domestic things.
(BREE keeps staring at DR. GOLDFINE fiddling with his loose
button as she unconsciously reaches down into her bag, taking
out a handy sewing kit.)
DR GOLDFINE: Bree? Bree.
BREE: What? I-I'm sorry.
DR GOLDFINE: Would you like to respond to what Rex just said?
BREE: Oh, I..(looks lost for words)
DR GOLDFINE: Is there some truth there? Do you use housework
as a way to disengage emotionally?
BREE: Of course not. (drops the sewing kit back in her bag
quickly. Tee-hee. Gotta love the woman.)
[CUT TO:INT. ROWLAND HOUSE - JOHN'S BEDROOM -- DAY ---
LATER]
(JOHN is laying back in his bed, wearing just his boxers, sighing
with contentment. GABRIELLE is sitting at the edge of his bed,
putting her earrings back on.)
JOHN: This is great. I got tons of homework tonight. It's so much
easier to concentrate after sex.
GABRIELLE: I'm glad I could help. Education is very important.
JOHN: Oh, I got something for you. I was gonna give it to you the
next time I mowed your lawn, but since you're here?(gets a
single rose from his shelf.)
GABRIELLE: Oh, it's a rose.
JOHN: It's not just any rose. Look at all the petals. There's no
flaws, it' perfect.
GABRIELLE: Oh, John.
JOHN: Just like you.
NARRATOR: The truth hit her like a thunderbolt.
JOHN: I spent days looking for this one. Finally found it.
NARRATOR: For John, this was no longer a meaningless little
affair. Gabrielle could now clearly see he was falling in love with
her.
GABRIELLE: (smiles at him) It's just beautiful. I, uh, I gotta go.
JOHN: Bye.
[CUT TO:EXT. DELFINO HOUSE -- DAY --- LATER]
(MIKE is getting bags of groceries out of his truck, nudging the
door shut. SUSAN runs across his lawn towards him.)
SUSAN: Hey you. What're we having?(takes a bag of groceries
from him)
MIKE: I talked to Julie, thanks, and she suggested rib-eye steaks.
She said it's your favourite.
SUSAN: Oh yeah, I love my steak.
(A silver sportscar, maybe Porsche?, drives up and stops at the
bottom of MIKE's driveway. EDIE toots the horn.)
EDIE: Hi Mike. Susan.
(MIKE walks back down the driveway towards the car.)
SUSAN: Edie. (sighs as she walks down to join MIKE.)
MIKE: Hey, I'm sorry about your house. How you holding up?
EDIE: Alright, I guess. (opens the car door and steps out.) Oh, is
somebody having a party?
MIKE: No, Susan's just throwing me one of her traditional
welcome-to-the-neighbourhood dinners. Only I'm cooking. And
having it at my house.
EDIE: (laughs) Traditional. Hm. I didn't get one.
SUSAN: Oh, it's sort of a new tradition.
MIKE: Well, it won't be anything fancy, just a little home
cooking.
EDIE: Mmm, that sounds so good.
NARRATOR: Susan suddenly had an awful feeling in the pit of her
stomach.
EDIE: I've been having nothing but fast food lately. (rummages
through MIKE's grocery bags, taking out a grape and eating it
seductively, staring at MIKE.)
NARRATOR: As if she was watching an accident in slow motion.
She knew it would happen, but was powerless to stop it.
(MIKE turns around to look at SUSAN, cocking his head as if to
ask if it's okay.)
SUSAN: Edie, would you like to join us for dinner?
EDIE: Oh that's so sweet. No, I don't wanna intrude. Three's a
crowd.
MIKE: No, it's not like that. I mean, Susan's bringing Julie.
SUSAN: It's not like that. The more the merrier.
EDIE: Well, this'll be fun.
MIKE: Alright. Tomorrow night. We'll eat at six.
EDIE: Great. Oh, and Susan.
SUSAN: Yeah.
EDIE: This'll make up for the dinner that you never threw me.
SUSAN: Right. (laughs feebly)
EDIE: Ha!
MIKE: I haven't, ah, told her we were having steak. She's not like
a vegetarian, is she?
SUSAN: Oh, no, no. No, Edie's definitely a carnivore.
(Pan to: SCAVO HOUSE, where MRS. HUBER is standing on the
porch. She's peering out onto the road, watching EDIE's silver
car drive off as EDIE toots the horn again. LYNETTE comes out of
the front door with a box of clothing.)
LYNETTE: Here's, uh, here's what I pulled for Edie. I should warn
you, most of the clothes in there aren't that stylish.
MRS HUBER: Oh don't worry about it, Edie's a beggar now,
which means she can't be a chooser. (sorts through the box of
clothing, then pulls out a yellow-and-orange shirt, giving it back
to LYNETTE) Of course we don't have to add salt to the wound.
LYNETTE: Listen, I was just getting dinner ready.
MRS HUBER: Say no more. I'll get out of your hair.
LYNETTE: No, no.
MRS HUBER: By the way, was that you I saw getting pulled over
by a policeman?
LYNETTE: Yeah, the boys were acting up in the car, I couldn't get
them to sit down.
MRS HUBER: Young boys can be so wilful.
LYNETTE: I try everything. I scream, I threaten, I reason, I beg,
nothing works. I don't know if it's because they're too young and
they don't understand, or if they're just getting some perverse
joy out of testing me! (looks frazzled, rubbing her eyes with her
fingers)
MRS HUBER: My mother used to have the worst time with me in
the car, so one time when I was acting up, she stopped and left
me on the side of the road, and she drove off.
LYNETTE: You're kidding.
MRS HUBER: Oh, she came back immediately. But I never
misbehaved in the car again. You should try that.
LYNETTE: Mrs. Huber, I could never leave my kids by the side of
the road.
MRS HUBER: When it comes to discipline, sometimes you must
be creative. My mother knew that. Smart lady. Of course she's in
a home now, and her mind has just turned to mush.
LYNETTE: Well, like I said, I should go back and get dinner ready.
MRS HUBER: Oh right. Well. Goodbye.
LYNETTE: Goodbye.
(Pan to: MRS. HUBER walking across the road as she passes by
SUSAN, stopping her.)
MRS HUBER: Susan! Have you been able to find old clothes for
Edie? She has nothing to wear.
SUSAN: I thought that was a look she was going for.
MRS HUBER: Oh Susan. Edie may be trash, but she's still a
human being.
(MRS. HUBER walks down the road as the camera stops on ZACH
standing in the front garden of the YOUNG house, watering the
lawn. SUSAN stops, looking at ZACH as she takes the mysterious
letter out of her pocket and looks at it.)
SUSAN: Zach? Is your dad home? I need to talk to him.
(ZACH opens the YOUNG's garage door, where PAUL is inside,
duct-taping the mysterious box shut.)
SUSAN: Hey Paul.
PAUL: Hey. (continues securing the box)
SUSAN: I hope I'm not interrupting.
PAUL: Actually I was getting ready to go somewhere.
SUSAN: I just wanted to come by and say hello, you know, see
how you guys are doing.
PAUL: We're trying to move on. It's been pretty tough.
SUSAN: I can only imagine. Not knowing why Mary Alice?
PAUL: Why what? (lifts the box off the table, almost dropping it)
SUSAN: Why she did it. Oh! Let me help you.
PAUL: I got it, I've got it. (pulls the box away from SUSAN as he
heaves it into the open trunk of his car. He shuts the trunk, then
goes to the front of the car, opening the driver's seat door.)
SUSAN: Sorry if I upset you.
PAUL: Can I be frank?
SUSAN: Of course.
PAUL: I don't care what her reasons were. Maybe she was
depressed, maybe she was bored. She abandoned her husband
and her son. And I'll never forgive her.
(PAUL gets in the car and shuts the door. He drives off, as SUSAN
stands in the driveway, watching him drive away.)
NARRATOR: As I watched Susan, I couldn't help feeling sorry for
her. She wanted so much to know why I did it.
[CUT TO: EXT. WILDERNESS -- NIGHT --- LATER]
(PAUL moves the heavy box out of his car trunk, and dumps it
into a river. He watches as it floats for a few seconds, then slowly
sinks to the dark depths.)
NARRATOR: Why I killed myself. It's not enough to want the
truth. You must know where to look for it. And the truth is
elusive, because it knows where to hide.
[CUT TO: INT. MEYER HOUSE -- AFTERNOON]
(JULIE is in the kitchen. She opens the back door to MRS.
HUBER.)
MRS HUBER: Hello Julie, I talked to your mom about donating
some clothes for Edie.
JULIE: She's at Mrs. Van De Kamp's, but I'll see if she left some
stuff upstairs.
(JULIE runs up the back stairs. MRS. HUBER walks into the
kitchen, sauntering over to peer into the grocery bags. She takes
out a perfume spray, spraying some on her neck. She coughs as
she puts it back in the bag, then takes out (gasp) a new glass
measuring cup. She looks up as a revelation hits her. JULIE
comes back down the stairs, stopping at the landing as she sees
MRS. HUBER holding the measuring cup.)
MRS HUBER: Oh Julie. I-I was just, um, just admiring your new
measuring cup.
JULIE: Yeah, we lost ours. (takes the measuring cup back)
MRS. HUBER: Really.
JULIE: So I couldn't find the clothes, I'm sorry.
MRS HUBER: That's okay.
JULIE: If you want me to keep looking.
MRS HUBER: No, you've done more than enough. Truly.
(MRS. HUBER walks out the back door. JULIE stands there,
looking like she's thinking "you weird old
lady."(Tee hee.)
[CUT TO: INT. DR. GOLDFINE'S OFFICE -- DAY ]
(BREE is sitting in the waiting room of DR. GOLDFINE's office,
turning as he opens the door of his office.)
DR GOLDFINE: Bree, Rex just called, he won't be able to meet
you here today. Apparently, there was an emergency at the
hospital.
BREE: Oh. Well, I wish he had called me. (stands up, slinging her
bag onto her shoulder as she walks towards DR. GOLDFINE)
DR GOLDFINE: He suggested maybe you'd like to meet with me
by yourself? You've been very quiet in our joint sessions.
BREE: (again notices DR. GOLDFINE's loose button, distracted)
What? Oh, oh, oh no, thank you. I have some things that I, I
need to do today.
DR GOLDFINE: Are you sure?
BREE: Uh, yeah, I'm sure.
DR GOLDFINE: Okay. (shuts his office door.)
(BREE walks out of the office,then turns around decidedly, goes
back and knocks on DR. GOLDFINE's office, walking in. DR.
GOLDFINE looks up.)
BREE: Dr. Goldfine. There is something you can do for me.
DR GOLDFINE: What's that?
BREE: Take off your coat. (shuts the office door)
(DR. GOLDFINE looks startled. Hee.)
[CUT TO: INT. SOLIS HOUSE -- DAY ]
(GABRIELLE and SUSAN walk in the front door, holding many,
many shopping bags.)
GABRIELLE: So now you're taking Julie on your dinner date with
Mike?
SUSAN: Yeah, well, if Edie's gonna be there, I'm gonna need
emotional support.
GABRIELLE: I can't believe she wormed her way in. How did you
let her do that?
SUSAN: I don't know, I was gonna take her out at the knees, but
it all happened so fast.
GABRIELLE: Well, you know what you need to do. You need to
get there early, spend a little time with Mike before little
barracuda gets there.
SUSAN: That's a good idea. Edie will get there at 5:45, which
means her breasts will arrive at 5:30, so I should shoot for 5.
GABRIELLE: Attagirl. I'm just gonna take these upstairs.
SUSAN: I'm gonna keep my one little bag and go home.
GABRIELLE: Okay.
SUSAN: That is a beautiful rose. Where did you get it? (leans
down to smell the rose)
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GABRIELLE: Oh, John gave it to me. (stops halfway up the stairs,
cringing as she says it)
SUSAN: John? Your gardener, he gave you a rose?
GABRIELLE: Yes, I am having some new bushes planted outside,
and he gave me that as a colour palette.
SUSAN: Oh. Okay. Sure is beautiful, isn't it? (turns around and
walks out the front door)
GABRIELLE: Yes, it is.
[CUT TO:INT. DR. GOLDFINE'S OFFICE -- DAY --- L AT ER]
(DR. GOLDFINE is leaning against his desk, watching as BREE
sews his button back on.)
DR GOLDFINE: I'm sure Freud would not approve of this.
BREE: Oh, who cares what he thinks? I took psychology in
college, we learned all about Freud. A miserable human being.
DR GOLDFINE: What makes you say that?
BREE: Well, think about it. He grew up in the late 1800's, there
were no appliances back then. His mother had to do everything
by hand, just backbreaking work from sunup to sundown. Not to
mention the countless other sacrifices she probably had to make
to take care of her family. And what does he do? He grows up
and becomes famous, peddling a theory that the problems of
most adults can be traced back to something awful their mother
has done. (sighs) She must have felt so betrayed. He saw how
hard she worked; he saw what she did for him. Did he even ever
think to say, thank you? I doubt it. (smiles at DR. GOLDFINE,
helping him put his jacket back on.) There you go.
DR GOLDFINE: Just so you know, many of Freud's theories have
been discredited.
BREE: Good. (smiles, turns to leave)
[CUT TO: INT. SCAVO CAR -- DAY]
(LYNETTE is driving, and again, the SCAVO kids are misbehaving.
Screaming, yelling, standing up, moving around. Ugh. Devil-kids.)
LYNETTE: Boys, I am not gonna tell you again, sit. I mean it, I am
serious. You guys are gonna be in so much trouble if you don't
sit back in those seats.
(The three kids suddenly go quiet, whispering in each other's
ears, giggling maliciously, peering at LYNETTE, cackling. LYNETTE
looks back in the mirror, seeing them mocking her.)
NARRATOR: For the first time, Lynette could see this was not the
innocent play of children. She was being challenged. So she
decided it was time to get creative.
(LYNETTE stops the car by the side of the road. She marches the
kids out of the car.)
LYNETTE: Out. Can't behave, you heard me, can't ride. You, out.
Move it.
(LYNETTE gets back in the car, looks at the three noisy kids on
the sidewalk and drives off. The kids stand there, watching her
drive off.)
SCAVO KIDS: Where she's going? I don't know. Where's she
going?
(LYNETTE pulls her car into a random driveway.)
LYNETTE: Okay. (to the baby) Mommy's a genius! Five, six, alright.
(spots the empty sidewalk where she left her kids) Uh. Oh! Uhh.
I'll be right back, Mommy'll be right back.
(LYNETTE parks the car and gets out. She looks around the front
garden of a house frantically searching.)
LYNETTE: Boys? Boys? Boys?? If you're hiding, you've gotta stop
now cause Mommy doesn't think
it's funny!
(A LADY comes out of the front door of the house LYNETTE is
searching through.)
LYNETTE: Oh! Excuse me, I'm sorry, I'm looking for my boys.
Three boys with red hair, have you
seen'em?
LADY: Yeah, I also saw you drive away and leave'em.
LYNETTE: I know, I was just trying to scare them into behaving.
Did you see where they went?
LADY: Yeah, yeah, they're in my kitchen.
(LYNETTE puts a hand over her heart, relieved)
LADY: Listen, uh, it seems to me that you have some anger
management issues.
LYNETTE: I have 4 kids under the age of six, I absolutely have
anger management issues. (tries to go into the house as the
woman stops her)
LADY: Yeah, well I think you need to talk to somebody, because
abandoning your children?
LYNETTE: I-I-I didn't abandon them, I came back! (tries to go into
the house again, and the woman stops her.)
LADY: Yeah, I'm just saying, it's not normal.
LYNETTE: Well, my kids aren't normal, and now I don't have time
for this, lady, so. Boys! Get out here. (tries to go into the house a
third time as the woman stops her again.)
LADY: No, I don't think they should go anywhere until you calm
down.
LYNETTE: Oh. Get in the car.
PARKER: She's got cookies!
LYNETTE: Well, bring 'em, we're leaving.
LADY: Oh, no, no, no. Stay put.
LYNETTE: Oh, I don't think so. Oh! (tries to go towards her kids
as the woman grabs onto LYNETTE's elbow, pulling her back)
LADY: Listen, lady, you and I are gonna talk.
PARKER: Leave my mommy alone!
LYNETTE: Let go of me! What's the matter with you? (one of the
kids bites the woman's leg as another pushes her down onto the
grass) Run, boys, run!
(LYNETTE and the kids run towards the car and get in.)
PORTER: Come on!
LYNETTE: Oh, crap.
LADY: (gets back up, running towards the SCAVO's car) You get
back here!
LYNETTE: Boys, you're gonna need to put on your-(turns around
as she sees all three boys putting on their seatbelts. She turns
around, adjusting her glasses smugly.)
LADY: Get back, or I'm gonna call Social Services! (watches as the
SCAVO's drive off)
[CUT TO: INT. SOLIS HOUSE -- DAY]
(GABRIELLE is sitting on the stairwell, looking at the one perfect
rose sitting in a glass on the front foyer table. She hears a horn
as she gets up and peers out the front door. She gasps as she
walks out the door to see CARLOS standing next to a beautiful,
sleek black sportscar with a huge red ribbon against the hood.)
GABRIELLE: Oh, my god. Carlos, what have you done?
CARLOS: I saw it when I drove by the dealership. I thought,
Gabrielle would look so beautiful in this.
GABRIELLE: Carlos! (pushes him against the chest in excitement
as he laughs, sorta evilly.)
CARLOS: Cost me an arm and a leg. It's got GPS navigation,
200-watt stereo system, rear parking sensors.
GABRIELLE: God, it's beautiful!
CARLOS: So, did I take your breath away?
GABRIELLE: Absolutely!
CARLOS: Is it the best gift you've ever gotten?
NARRATOR: Gabrielle could see what this gesture had cost
Carlos, so she responded the only way she knew how.
(GABRIELLE kisses CARLOS as he picks her up. She wraps her legs
around his waist as he twirls her around, laughing together.)
NARRATOR: She had a feeling the truth would've been lost on
her husband anyway. After all, it's the rare man who
understands the value of a single, perfect rose.
(We pan to across the street, where JOHN stands with a rake in
his hands, looking desolate as he watches the SOLIS'
affectionately kissing and laughing together.)
[CUT TO: EXT. DELFINO HOUSE -- DAY --- AFTERNOON]
(SUSAN walks decidedly up the walkway and up the porch steps.
She gasps as Bosco suddenly gets up from where he's lying by
the side of the porch, half-wagging his tail as he growls and
barks at SUSAN. She sighs, startled as she rings the doorbell.
MIKE opens the door, surprised to see her.)
MIKE: Susan.
SUSAN: I hope you don't mind, I thought I'd come by early and
help you set up.
MIKE: Oh, um.
(EDIE comes from inside the kitchen, coming to stand next to
MIKE at the door.)
EDIE: Hey, Susan. Don't worry, Mike and I have got everything
under control.
SUSAN: Oh. (laughs)
MIKE: Bongo! I don't know why he barks at you.
EDIE: Oh, I wouldn't take it personally. Dogs are very sensitive.
(goes to Bongo, patting him, rubbing him, looking at SUSAN
innocently) What's up, Bongo, huh? You never know what freaks
them out, huh?
NARRATOR: In the distance, Susan thought she heard a bell ring.
EDIE: Oh, is it a strange noise, huh? What is it? A weird smell?
What is it?
NARRATOR: (A bell sounds) Round one had started.
[CUT TO:INT. DR. GOLDFINE'S OFFICE -- DAY]
(DR. GOLDFINE is listening as BREE sits on the couch next to REX,
who's talking animatedly.)
REX: Look, all I'm saying is that this whole
it-takes-two-to-mess-up-a-marriage theory is bull. The problems
that we have are because of her.
BREE: (crosses her arms) That is not true, Rex.
REX: Alright, fine. What have I been doing for the past 20 years
that's been so awful? You're not saying anything because I've
been a great husband and it kills you to admit that.
(DR. GOLDFINE looks down, fiddling with his newly-sewn button
as REX talks.)
DR GOLDFINE: Rex, I'm curious. Do you ever acknowledge the
benefits of living with Bree?
(BREE turns slowly to look at DR. GOLDFINE, beginning to see
where this is going.)
REX: Huh?
DR GOLDFINE: By your own admission, your home is always
clean, your clothes are always freshly pressed, sounds like a
wonderful cook. Despite her flaws, do you ever remember to say
thank you?
(A slow smile appears on BREE's face as she looks at DR.
GOLDFINE, silently thanking him for sticking up for her.)
REX: Thank you?
DR GOLDFINE: Yes. (moves his eyes towards BREE, who smiles
and looks at REX, who just looks annoyed.)
[CUT TO: INT. DELFINO HOUSE -- NIGHT --- L ATER]
(MIKE, SUSAN, JULIE and EDIE are sitting at the table, eating.
Bongo half-jumps onto the table to lick EDIE's plate.)
MIKE: Bongo, Bongo, get down, down.
EDIE: Go on, uh-uh, go on.
MIKE: Down. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. (to SUSAN) So, um, who's the
guy who lives across from Mrs. Huber again?
SUSAN: Mm, that's Mr. Mullin. And just so you know, if he invites
you in, you have to meet all of his pets.
MIKE: That's okay, I love animals.
SUSAN: He's a taxidermist. (laughs)
MIKE: Oh. Okay, thanks for the warning.
EDIE: (is annoyed at the easy-going camaraderie between SUSAN
and MIKE) Isn't Mr. Mullin's brother your divorce attorney?
SUSAN: Uh, yes, yes he was.
EDIE: Can I say something? In my heart, I still believe you and
Carl are gonna get back together. (winks at JULIE, who looks
amused, looking at SUSAN)
MIKE: Really?
EDIE: Oh, yeah. I've never seen two people more in love. I mean,
she's never gonna find that kind of chemistry with another man.
Never!
(SUSAN smiles, head tilted away from MIKE as she runs a hand
through her hair, forcibly smiling)
NARRATOR: It was everything Susan could do to keep a smile on
her face. Round two was under way, and she was already taking
a beating.
JULIE: You know what, Mrs. Britt, do you know who I always
liked?
NARRATOR: What Edie hadn't counted on was Susan had
someone else in her corner.
JULIE: Mr. Rothwell. Your 4th husband.
EDIE: Oh, he was my 2nd husband. I'vee only been married
twice.
JULIE: Twice? You weren't married to the guy with all the tattoos
that they took away in handcuffs?
SUSAN: No, Julie, she wasn't married to Xavier. That was just one
of her special friends. I think we should change the subject, you
know, unless you wanna keep talking about it.
EDIE: (is happily distracted by Bongo jumping up to lick EDIE's
plate again) Oh!
MIKE: Bongo, get down.
EDIE: Oh wait, wait. Let me show you something. Bongo, Bongo,
come! While you were in there tossing the salad, I taught him
something. (holds a bit of food up in the air as Bongo jumps up
on two feet, reaching for the food as he walks around on two
feet) Up! Oh, what a good boy!
(SUSAN shoots a glance at MIKE, who is watching EDIE and
Bongo, laughing and smiling)
NARRATOR: Susan was furious at Edie for using a dog to
ingratiate herself with its owner. She was also furious with Mike
for not seeing through this blatant manoeuvre.
SUSAN: So, you know what? I am gonna go get dessert. (gathers
the plates and walks into the kitchen)
NARRATOR: But mostly, she was furious at herself for not having
thought of it first.
(SUSAN stacks the dirty dishes in the sink. She hears EDIE and
MIKE's conversation as they play with Bongo outside, furious.)
EDIE: You are such a smart boy!
MIKE: I can barely get him to sit.
EDIE: You are a good dog. Yes you are!
MIKE: (laughs) I've never seen him walk on two legs. Look at
that!
EDIE: Well, he knows who to come to, doesn't he? He knows
who to come to.
(SUSAN dips two fingers into the gravy as she smears it across
her neck and hands, grinning at her brilliant idea. She comes
back out again, holding three plates of strawberry shortcake. )
SUSAN: Here's your dessert.
EDIE: Thank you. Mmm, Mike, this looks yummy.
(SUSAN moves her hand in front of Bongo's face as Bongo licks
SUSAN's hand, then her neck as she bends down.)
MIKE: Oh, look at that. Looks like Bongo's finally warming up to
Susan.
(EDIE watches, furious as SUSAN laughs and giggles. MIKE
watches, laughing as JULIE smiles.)
SUSAN: Ooh, we just got off on the wrong foot, we're really best
buddies now. Oh, what a good boy! (Bongo starts to wheeze,
and SUSAN looks at him.) Bongo, are you okay?
EDIE: What's wrong with him?
MIKE: I don't know, I've never heard him make that sound. (gets
up and bends down next to Bongo,
who's still wheezing.) Hey, you okay, fella?
JULIE: Mom? (gestures to SUSAN's ear, where one earring is
missing. Uh oh. SUSAN's eyes go wide as she looks at MIKE, who
just looks at her crossly.)
(Cut to: MIKE, holding Bongo as he hurries down his porch steps
towards his truck. He puts Bongo on the back seat. EDIE, SUSAN
and JULIE come out after him.)
MIKE: Call the vet, the numbers on the fridge, tell him I'll be
right there.
EDIE: Okay, don't you worry' bout a thing, I'll stay here and get
everything cleaned up.
MIKE: Thanks, Edie.
SUSAN: Is there anything I can do?
MIKE: No.
(EDIE whistles lowly as she goes back inside, shutting the door.
SUSAN stands there, looking helpless as MIKE's truck screeches
off. JULIE looks worriedly at SUSAN, who gnaws on her lower
lip.)
[CUT TO: INT. VET'S OFFICE --- L AT ER]
(MIKE looks up as SUSAN walks into the office, accidentally
shutting the door a little too loudly.)
SUSAN: Hey.
MIKE: Hey.
SUSAN: How's Bongo doing?
MIKE: I'm, uh, just waiting to see if they'll have to operate.
SUSAN: Oh, god. Uh, I-stopped and I got this, uh. I am just so
sorry for this.
MIKE: I'm really sorry that I snapped at you, I was just so
worried.
SUSAN: Oh no, it's okay.
(The VET comes out of the inner office.)
VET: Good news, we won't have to do surgery.
SUSAN: Oh, that's great.
VET: Uh, we've given Bongo something to help pass the earring.
When he does, would you like us to retrieve it for ya?
SUSAN: Uh, I'm gonna say no.
VET: Okay, you should be able to take him home within an hour.
SUSAN: Wow. You must be so relieved.
MIKE: I'm sorry, I was just really worried.
SUSAN: Well, it was your dog, I get it.
MIKE: Actually, he was my wife's dog, and, uh, one of the last
things she said to me in the hospital before she died was to be
sure I looked after him, and, um, I promised her I would.
NARRATOR: And just like that, Susan could suddenly see
something she's never seen before.
MIKE: He, um, meant so much to her.
NARRATOR: Mike Delfino was still in love with his late wife.
MIKE: And if, uh, something had happened, I would've felt like I
had failed her. I know that sounds stupid.
NARRATOR: And she knew right then, that neither she nor Edie
would be laying claim to his heart anytime soon.
SUSAN: No, it doesn't. Not at all.
NARRATOR: So, she decided, for now, she could settle for just
being his friend.
SUSAN: This is for you. No, for Bongo. You give it to him.
[CUT TO: INT. DELFINO HOUSE --- L ATER]
(EDIE is in the kitchen, still cleaning up as she bustles around the
kitchen. She opens the cupboard to put a few bottles of
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condiments back in, just missing seeing stacks of cash on the
cupboard shelf. The camera pans up to see a few maps stuck to
the wall, marked with many drawings and markings. We also see
a gun sitting on the shelf above, as well as a very detailed map
of Wisteria Lane and information about its many residents.)
NARRATOR: Yes, as I look back at the world I left behind, it's all
so clear to me. The beauty that waits to be unveiled, the
mysteries that long to be uncovered. But, people so rarely stop
to take a look. They just keep moving. It's a shame, really.
There's so much to see.
(The camera pans back down to the wilderness, where
somewhere in the depths of the forest, the mysterious chest
PAUL dumped into the river floats back up the surface.)
DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES
1X03: PRETTY LITTLE PICTURE
------------------------------------------------------------
ANNOUNCER: Previously on Desperate Housewives, Susan took
dating tips from her 12 year old daughter.
JULIE: If you wanna date him, you're gonna have to ask him out.
SUSAN: I keep hoping he'll ask me out.
JULIE: How's that going?
(Cut to: )
ANNOUNCER: Bree accidentally poisoned her husband.
REX: I can't believe you tried to kill me.
BREE: Yes, well, I feel badly about that.
(Cut to: )
ANNOUNCER: Lynette indulged in creative parenting.
LYNETTE: If any of you acts up, I will call Santa and tell him you
want socks for Christmas.
(Cut to: )
GABRIELLE: I really hate the way you talk to me.
CARLOS: And I really hate that I spent $15,000 on your diamond
necklace.
ANNOUNCER: While Gabrielle indulged in the company of her
gardener.
(Cut to: GABRIELLE, pushing a half-naked JOHN out the window,
as CARLOS walks in the house.)
GABRIELLE: Hi honey, you're home early.
(Cut to: )
ANNOUNCER: And everybody's wondering?
(Cut to: SUSAN, holding the mysterious note
I KNOW WHAT YOU DID
IT MAKES ME SICK
I'M GOING TO TELL
SUSAN: Oh Mary Alice, what did you do?
ANNOUNCER: Why their best friend just killed herself.
BREE: How much do we really wanna know about our
neighbours?
(Cut to: MIKE, putting down a gun on his side table.
Cut to: The mysterious chest PAUL dumped in the river floating
up to the surface.
ANNOUNCER: Everyone has a little dirty laundry.
(Fade out)
OPEN ON: [INT. CREMATORIUM -- NIGHT]
(We open on MARY ALICE, lying in a coffin. A coffin cover, with a
label "MARY ALICE YOUNG" is slid over the top. A hand turns a
nob, and we see cogs turning as a furnace is opened, and the
coffin slides into the furnace.)
NARRATOR: After I died, I began to surrender the parts of myself
that were no longer necessary. My desires, beliefs, ambitions,
doubts, every trace of my humanity was discarded. I discovered
when moving through eternity, it helps to travel lightly. In fact, I
held on to only one thing - my memory.
[CUT TO: EXT. WISTERIA LANE -- NIGHT]
(We pan down on the peaceful Wisteria Lane at night, where
everyone is fast asleep in their houses.)
[PAN TO: INT. VAN DE KAMP HOUSE -- NIGHT]
(We pan to BREE lying in bed awake, drumming her fingers.)
NARRATOR: It's astonishing to look back on the world I left
behind. I remember it all, every single detail. Like my friend,
Bree Van De Kamp.
(Flashback to:MARY ALICE at BREE's house, talking animatedly as
BREE walks in with an easy smile, holding a dish in her hands.)
NARRATOR: I remember the easy confidence of her smile.
(Cut to:BREE standing at the head of the table, where REX, PAUL
and MARY ALICE are sitting. They watch as she drizzles some
alcohol over a dish, and lights it on fire.)
NARRATOR: the gentle elegance of her hands.
MARY ALICE: Wow.
(Cut to:MARY ALICE and PAUL leaving, as they say their
goodbyes at the front door.)
NARRATOR: the refined warmth of her voice.
BREE: Bye.
NARRATOR: But what I remember most about Bree?
BREE: Rex, wasn't that a lovely?(Her smile fades as she sees REX
walking off, completely ignoring what she's saying.)
NARRATOR: was the look of fear in her eyes.
(End of flashback.
Resume present)
NARRATOR: Bree had started to realize her world was
unravelling, and for a woman who despised loose ends, that was
unacceptable.
(BREE looks at the clock, which reads 5:35 am. She gets out of
bed, and goes downstairs. We see her wearing a robe, bending
over REX, sleeping downstairs on the couch. She shakes him
awake.)
BREE: Rex, Rex! You need to get up!
REX: It's not even light out.
BREE: Please hurry, if the kids see you sleeping down here,
they're gonna start asking questions. (takes REX's blanket off
him.)
REX: Let'em ask, I don't care anymore.
BREE: Well, I care. (pulls his pillow out from underneath his
head.) They don't need to be burdened with our marital
problems, and if we're working things out, the least we could do
is try to keep up appearances.
REX: (rolls his eyes) Oh yeah, appearances. I keep forgetting
about appearances.
BREE: Oh Rex, you look so tired.
REX: Ah, I didn't sleep. This damn thing is so uncomfortable.
BREE: Well, why don't you move back upstairs and sleep in our
bed?
REX: We're in marriage counselling, Bree, I think that would
confuse things.
BREE: It's just-I miss you.
REX: I know you do. Of course, if I don't get some sleep pretty
soon, I'll be forced to move back upstairs out of sheer
exhaustion. (goes upstairs)
(BREE waits till he moves out of sight, then goes to a cupboard
and takes out a pair of pliers. She flips one corner of the
mattress up, and cuts one of the wires in half. She bends both
sides up so they are vertical. She tests how sharp it is with one
finger, then pulls the mattress back on top of the sofa-bed,
dusting her hands off and sighing with satisfaction. Teehee. Evil
Bree rocks.)
NARRATOR: Yes, Bree was afraid of many things. But if there was
one thing she wasn't afraid of, it was a challenge.
Opening Credits
OPEN ON: [EXT. WISTERIA LANE -- MORNING]
(We pan on our Wisteria Lane, at the crack of dawn. The street
lights are still on, and there's a paper boy on a bike, throwing
papers onto the lawns.)
NARRATOR: The day on Wisteria Lane began like any other, with
a cup of coffee and the morning paper.
[CUT TO: INT. SCAVO HOUSE - KITCHEN]
(We see LYNETTE sitting at the kitchen table, the twins
sword-fighting next to her as she reads the business section of
the paper.)
LYNETTE: Just give me a second-5 minutes.
NARRATOR: And while Lynette read the business section-
[PAN TO: INT. SOLIS HOUSE - DINING ROOM]
(GABRIELLE sits at her dining table, holding a cup up in her right
hand, as her maid pours coffee into the cup. She is engrossed in
reading the paper, held by her left hand, the style section.)
NARRATOR: And Gabrielle studied the fall collections-
[PAN TO: INT. VAN DE KAMP HOUSE - DINING ROOM]
(BREE sits at the dining table, reading the section of the paper.
She fiddles with the flower arrangement in the middle of the
table in front of her.)
NARRATOR: And Bree searched for decorating ideas.
[PAN TO: INT. MEYER HOUSE - KITCHEN]
NARRATOR: Susan scanned the front page and saw something
that caught her eye.
(SUSAN and JULIE are sitting at the kitchen table. SUSAN reads
the front page of the paper, taking a bite of a muffin. JULIE wipes
something off SUSAN's face, then goes back to eating her cereal,
reading a book open in front of her. SUSAN suddenly stops, as
the camera pans to look at the paper. It reads:
The Fairview Herald
October 15, 2004
She looks up, then gets up and goes to a calendar hanging on
the wall. She flips open to October, where we see a post-it note,
reading Mary Alice dinner stuck on the 15th and 16th dates. She
rips it off.)
[CUT TO: EXT. SCAVO HOUSE -- MORNING]
(SUSAN steps over toys lying scattered everywhere on the
ground and front porch. She goes to the front door of the house,
and knocks on the window pane on the door. The door opens to
(Flashback to: MARY ALICE opening the door.)
MARY ALICE: Well, it's about time.
SUSAN: Be nice, I come bearing snacks. (holds up a bag of chips
and a bag of pretzels, walking in the door as MARY ALICE follows
her into the kitchen table, where LYNETTE, BREE and GABRIELLE
are gathered.)
BREE: Lynette, these cards are sticky.
LYNETTE: I know. Preston used the three of diamonds to scoop
jam out of the jar.
GABRIELLE: Gorgeous, thankful we have 49 cards to play with.
SUSAN: Hello, sorry I'm late.
LYNETTE: Hey.
MARY ALICE: So, Susan, I was just telling the girls I wanna throw
a dinner party.
SUSAN: Really?
MARY ALICE: Yes, I mean, how long have we all lived on this
street? We've never done a big group thing.
BREE: I think it's a great idea.
MARY ALICE: Paul never likes to have people over. Well, to heck
with him, I'm doing it.
SUSAN: So when is this shindig?
MARY ALICE: How about a month from tonight? That would be
the 16th, good for everyone?
LYNETTE: Yeah.
SUSAN: Yeah.
BREE: Works for me. Should we all make something?
MARY ALICE: Oh no, no. This is my party. I've been wanting to
have everyone over for years. Oh I'm so happy we're finally
doing this. It's gonna be so much fun.
(End of Flashback. Resume to present.)
(LYN ET TE opens the door.)
LYNETTE: Hey! (SUSAN holds up the post-it note) I know, our
dinner.
[CUT TO: EXT. WISTERIA LANE -- MORNING]
(BREE, LYNETTE, GABRIELLE and SUSAN are standing outside on
the street, next to a large tree. GABRIELLE passes the note along
back to SUSAN, who holds it up.)
SUSAN: How could we have all forgotten about this?
LYNETTE: We didn't exactly forget, it's just usually when the
hostess dies, the party's off.
BREE: Lynette! (puts her hand over her heart)
LYNETTE: I'm not being flip, I'm just pointing out a reality.
GABRIELLE: Mary Alice was so excited about it. So sad.
SUSAN: I think we should go through with it.
BREE: Really? Wouldn't that be in poor taste?
SUSAN: No, it's sort of a way to honour Mary Alice. It was so
important t o h e r.
GABRIELLE: We could all use a fun night.
BREE: Well, good, because I have some new flatbread that I've
just been dying to show off.
SUSAN: Lynette?
LYNETTE: I'm in.
BREE: I'll make braised lamb shanks.
LYNETTE: I'm still in.
BREE: So how many will I be cooking for?
GABRIELLE: 7. Three couples and Susan. Does that sound right?
SUSAN: No, it sounds very, very wrong.
GABRIELLE: Awww. (puts a hand on SUSAN's shoulder)
BREE: Is there somebody you'd like to invite?
(MIKE runs past, stops a distance away from SUSAN as he sees
her, all sweaty and panting. SUSAN smiles at him, waving as he
smiles back, waving, then keeps running.)
SUSAN: I have an idea. (they all smile)
[CUT TO: INT. SOLIS HOUSE -- MORNING]
CARLOS: A dinner party. Honey, I may be working late. The
Dillman proposal's a complete mess.
GABRIELLE: No, you promise to be home every night this week.
CARLOS: I'm trying, but I can't guarantee anything. This is
business!
GABRIELLE: Says the prince as he rides off into the sunset. Boy
did the movies ever get that wrong.
CARLOS: You know what your problem is? You're very tense.
Should go to a spa, go shopping. Find a way to relax.
(GABRIELLE smiles slyly as he walks out the door. She picks up
the phone and dials a number. Our view of GABRIELLE moves to
the right, as the left side of the screen opens up to JOHN in class,
picking up his phone.)
JOHN: Hello?
GABRIELLE: Where are you?
JOHN: Algebra.
GABRIELLE: You free at 4?
JOHN: I'm not sure, I got track after school.
GABRIELLE: Well, get here as fast as you can. My husband says I
need to relax.
JOHN: You, uh, want me to keep my gym clothes on, like last
time?
GABRIELLE: If you would. Please. (They both smile)
[CUT TO:INT. SCAVO HOUSE - KITCHEN]
(TOM sits at the kitchen table as LYNETTE does the laundry.)
TOM: A dinner party?
LYNETTE: Yeah, it'll be fun. Bree's cooking, everyone's coming.
TOM: You know what? I haven't even had a chance to unpack
yet, honey. I just, uh, I just need to chill out for the next few
days.
LYNETTE: Oh. Tom. There'll be liquor. And hors d'oeuvres. And
grown-ups without children. And, and silverware. Remember
silverware?
TOM: Honey, can you take this in for me? (hands LYNETTE a
camera)
LYNETTE: (takes the camera from him) Have you heard anything I
just said?
TOM: Yeah, honey, I'm sorry. I'm just, I'm wiped out. Three cities
in 6 days, my head is just pounding. I'm not ready for a dinner
party.
LYNETTE: I already got a sitter.
TOM: Can you cancel her? (LYNETTE makes a shocked sound)
Please? Look, let's just stay in tomorrow night. We can get a
bottle of wine, and rent a video, and I just wanna hang out with
my best gal. That's all.
LYNETTE: I was looking so forward to a night out.
TOM: I know, sweetie, I'm sorry, but I, I'm beat. I mean, do you
remember what it's like to work a 60- hour week? (tosses a pair
of socks into the laundry basket LYNTTE is holding and gets up,
grabbing his briefcase and walking away.)
(LYNETTE just stands there, looking at him as he walks away.)
[CUT TO: INT. VAN DE KAMP HOUSE - KITCHEN]
REX: A dinner party? Do I have to go?
BREE: Well, given that we're hosting it, I say so. By the way, you
won't be drinking at this party.
REX: Why's that?
BREE: Because when you drink, you get chatty. No one needs to
know that we're seeing Dr. Goldfine.
REX: You know, if you spent half as much time working on our
problems as you do covering them?
BREE: Not a drop!
REX: You know, this-this is ridiculous! This whole thing about us
taking tennis lessons.
BREE: Well, the nurses at your office may start wondering why
you're disappearing three times a week. Tennis lessons are a
plausible alibi. (hands REX a lunch bag)
REX: So these tennis lessons we're taking. How we doing?
BREE: My backhand's improving immensely, but you're still
having problems with your serve.
REX: Of course.
[CUT TO: EXT. MEYER HOUSE -- MORNING]
KARL: A dinner party?
SUSAN: It's tomorrow night, so if you could just keep Julie an
extra day.
KARL: Fine, but that's all. Brandy and I leave Sunday for a week
up at the cabin.
SUSAN: What cabin?
KARL: Brandy wanted someplace where we could get away.
(turns to wink at BRANDI)
(BRANDI is leaning against the red car, drinking from a can. She
waves back, smiling at KARL.)
KARL: Escrow just closed yesterday.
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SUSAN: You can afford a cabin, but you can't scrape up child
support?
KARL: The cheque is in the mail.
SUSAN: (opens the mailbox and looks in) Uh, no, it's not!
JULIE: (comes out the front door) I found my dental guard. I'm
ready.
(JULIE looks at KARL and SUSAN, who both look down
awkwardly.)
JULIE: Stop fighting.
SUSAN: We are being as nice as we possibly can to one another.
JULIE: Like I said, stop fighting. (gives SUSAN a kiss as she walks
to KARL's car)
(BRANDI throws her drink can towards the rubbish bin. She
misses, and it rolls to the ground in front of SUSAN.)
SUSAN: Excuse me. Brandy. (points at the can) Do you mind?
BRANDI: Oh. Okay.
KARL: Uh, Susan. You're right there, you can pick it up.
SUSAN: I could, but she's the one who threw it.
KARL: Come on, don't be petulant. Just pick up the stupid can.
(JULIE looks at KARL, seeing what's coming as it's about to
escalate.)
SUSAN: No.
JULIE: I can pick it up.
SUSAN: Honey, stay out of this.
KARL: Fine. (walks towards SUSAN, about to pick up the can)
This is so typical.
SUSAN: (kicks the can against KARL's legs) Oh, sorry. Was that
petulant too?
KARL: You know what? Pick up the damn can yourself.
SUSAN: Yeah, well you just go to hell. (picks the can against the
car, which rolls down the driveway and stops at MIKE and
Bongo's feet.)
MIKE: You want me to pick it up? (grins at SUSAN)
SUSAN: Uh-(gestures helplessly)
[CUT TO: INT. YOUNG HOUSE - DINING TABLE]
(ZACH and PAUL are sitting at the table. PAUL is reading the
paper.)
ZACH: Mrs. Formington said she looked for Mum's obituary,
couldn't find it. Did you put one in?
PAUL: (sighs) I've had other things on my mind, Zach.
ZACH: But how could you not do that? People will think we
didn't care about her.
PAUL: I doubt people will give it much thought. Don't worry
about it.
ZACH: You never talk about her. She hasn't been dead a month,
and it's like you totally forgot she ever existed.
PAUL: It's a little early for this kind of talk.
ZACH: Maybe when you die, I won't put in an obituary.
PAUL: That will be your choice to make. Assuming you outlive
me.
[CUT TO: INT. SOLIS HOUSE - DINING ROOM]
(GABRIELLE is on the phone with her mother. She picks up a
glass of orange juice from the dining table.)
GABRIELLE: Mum, it's no big deal. Carlos and I will drive in for
the baptism. Problem solved. (hears a tap on the front door, and
goes to open the door for JOHN) Okay. Fine. You go with Aunt
Maria, and I will take Nana to church. (whispers to John) Take
your clothes off. Uh huh. I gotta go, Mum. Yes, right now. Okay.
Uh, you can give me directions later. Bye. (puts down the phone)
Hi, how was school?
JOHN: Got an A minus on my biology exam.
GABRIELLE: You did. Well, let's see what you've learned. (Gasps
as she looks at the front door to see a little girl peering at her
and JOHN kissing)
JOHN: Who's that?
GABRIELLE: I don't know. (goes towards the front door as the
little girl runs away) Hey! You!
[CUT TO: EXT. SCAVO HOUSE]
(LYNETTE and SUSAN are getting out of the car, retrieving some
shopping from the back seat and trunk.)
LYNETTE: So did Mike say anything?
SUSAN: No, but god, you should've seen the look on his face.
LYNETTE: I'm sure it's not that bad. He's coming to the party,
right?
SUSAN: I left three messages. Oh, he's not gonna come. Big
surprise. I did everything but foam at the mouth. God, I hate
when I get that way. It's like every time I get within 10 feet of
Karl, I just become this monster.
LYNETTE: You know what, it's not gonna change until you resolve
your issues with that man.
SUSAN: What, you mean forgive him?
LYNETTE: Yeah.
SUSAN: You know, I've lived with this bitterness so long, I think
I'd be lonely without it.
LYNETTE: Honey. Get a pet. See ya. (looks through a stack of
photos, stopping at one.) Son of a-?
(Cut to: LYNETTE throwing a photo of TOM at a Mexican party
with two other men, in front of TOM)
TOM: It's a business meeting!
LYNETTE: It's a frat party.
TOM: Regional manager, corporate manager, head of sales.
LYNETTE: Margarita, cigar, sombrero.
TOM: Ooh, look, honey, what do you want me to do? Sit around
the hotel the whole time, watching cable?
LYNETTE: No! But when I say, we've been invited to a party,
don't whine about your exhausting 60-hour week. Put on your
dancing shoes, and take the mother of your children out for a
good time.
TOM: Fine, you know what? Let's go to that party. (goes to the
fridge, and takes out a pack of jelly and a spoon)
LYNETTE: Can't, I already cancelled the sitter.
TOM: Okay, well we'll throw the next one.
LYNETTE: Throw a dinner party? I don't even have time to wash
my face. No, you know what? I'm gonna go to this one. You can
stay home and babysit the kids.
TOM: Fine. I can handle that. (puts the spoon in his mouth as he
tries to open the jelly pack)
(LYNETTE watches as TOM fiddles around with the jelly, unable
to open it. She walks over and takes it from him, opening it with
one swift pull. She walks off.)
TOM: Thank you.
[CUT TO: EXT. WISTERIA LANE]
(GABRIELLE is driving around in her black car with the top down.
She pulls into her driveway to see CARLOS crouching in front of
the little girl. They shake hands and talk as GABRIELLE gets out
and walks over to CARLOS.)
NARRATOR: Gabrielle spent her morning searching for the
mysterious little girl. Sadly for her, the mystery was solved a bit
too quickly.
GABRIELLE: Hey! What's going on?
CARLOS: Have you met Ashley?
Neighbour: Found it! (walks up with a ball in her hands)
CARLOS: Babe, this is Sheila Bukowski, our new neighbour. They
just moved into the Miller's old house.
SHEILA: My daughter just left her ball in your yard. I'm so sorry.
GABRIELLE: Oh, oh, no problem. Nice to meet you, Ashley.
SHEILA: She's shy, she doesn't say much.
CARLOS: Yeah, well I can see her little mind working away.
(laughs)
SHEILA: Nice meeting you. Come on, Ashley.
[CUT TO: INT. YOUNG HOUSE - GARAGE]
(Zach goes into his garage at his house. He goes to a shelf,
moving a box off and setting it down on another bench. He spots
a small white box behind it, and takes it out, opening the box.
He slowly takes out a gun, the one his mother used to kill herself.
He looks at it.)
[CUT TO: INT. DR. GOLDFINE'S OFFICE - COUNSELLING ROOM]
(BREE and REX are sitting on the couch in front of DR.
GOLDFINE.)
BREE: Private sessions? I don't understand, why do we need
private sessions?
DR. GOLDFINE: Private sessions allow us to work on the personal
issues of both partners.
BREE: Oh, well I don't have any personal issues. My only issue is
that my husband wants to leave me, and how can I work on that
if he's not in the room?
REX: There are things I need to discuss with Dr. Goldfine, and I
can't have you there.
BREE: Why? I'm your wife, you can say anything in front of me.
All we need is a few more sessions, and I'm sure we can.
REX: Dammit, Bree! A few more sessions isn't gonna fix us. This
is bigger than that.
(BREE looks at REX, crestfallen.)
DR. GOLDFINE: Why don't we do it this way? Rex, you can take
the first half hour. Bree, you can take the second.
BREE: Fine. Oh, and Doctor. If what he's about to discuss has
anything to do with adultery, prostitution or internet
pornography, I would really appreciate you taking a moral
hardline. (gets up, holding a tennis racket, and walks out to the
waiting room.)
[CUT TO:EXT. WISTERIA LANE - SIDEWALK]
(ASHLEY is sitting on the sidewalk, drawing with chalk on the
sidewalk as GABRIELLE walks up to her tentatively.)
GABRIELLE: Hi, Ashley. Remember me? We met earlier?
(ASHLEY looks up at her, bored, then looks back down at her
drawing.)
GABRIELLE: Wow, aren't you the little artist. What are those,
flamingos?
ASHLEY: (sullenly) No.
GABRIELLE: (taken aback) Well, they're very pretty. It almost
looks like they're kissing. Funny thing about kissing. It's not just
for husbands and wives. Sometimes we kiss our mum, or our
grandpa. Sometimes we even kiss our dog. Sometimes we even
kiss people who are just our friends. Kinda like, a hi-five on the
lips. Right? (holds up her hand for a hi-five. When ASHLEY
doesn't respond, she laughs awkwardly) Hey, Ash. I was at the
mall, and I saw this. Thought you might like it. She's Hawaiian.
Her name is Princess Kahaluia. And, and I think it means Little
Waterfall- Or Big Pond-or something.
(ASHLEY looks at the doll, then puts it on her lap as she
continues to draw)
GABRIELLE: Okay! So we're good. Right?
(ASHLEY looks at GABRIELLE again, with an I-don't-believe-you
expression on her face. Heh.)
GABRIELLE: Okay. Well, you enjoy your new girlfriend. And if
there's anything else you need, you just let me know. (turns to
walk away)
ASHLEY: What I'd really like, is a bike.
[CUT TO: INT. YOUNG HOUSE - LIVING ROOM]
(Paul walks into his darkened living room. He goes to the fridge
and opens it, looking inside. Suddenly, he hears a clicking noise.
He turns to see Zach sitting on the floor against the couch,
holding the gun, turning the empty barrel of the gun. Paul walks
over and switches on the table lamp. He looks at ZACH.)
PAUL: Where did you find that?
ZACH: She used this to kill herself. Why would you keep it?
Why?!
PAUL: Because I thought we might need it someday.
ZACH: For what?
PAUL: Protection.
ZACH: I wanna talk about Mum.
PAUL: You need to take your medication.
ZACH: We are going to talk about Mum!
(There is a knock at the door. They both look at the door, then
back at each other. ZACH puts a finger to his lips, mouthing as he
goes to the door. He cracks it open to see BREE standing
outside.)
BREE: Hello Zach! I hope this isn't a bad time.
ZACH: What can I do for you, Mrs. Van De Kamp?
BREE: Well, I wanted to invite you and your father to a dinner
party tomorrow night.
ZACH: I'm not sure where he is right now.
BREE: Oh. Well, I'm sorry it's such late notice, but well, we
weren't sure whether you and your father were ready for any
kind of social engagement yet. But, well, we're, we're sort of
throwing it in your
mother's honour.
ZACH: Really?
BREE: Yes, it's just gonna be a casual night with the gang. We're
going to eat, and tell fun stories about your mum. (her smile
falters as she sees ZACH looking grief-stricken and disturbed)
Zach, are-are you okay?
PAUL: (appears at the door next to ZACH) Hello, Bree.
BREE: Oh hi, Paul, I was just?
PAUL: I heard. Thank you, we already have plans for tomorrow.
(takes his hand off ZACH's shoulder and moves it down his back
to take the gun from where ZACH is holding it behind his back)
BREE: Oh. That's too bad. Well, I should go.
ZACH: Thank you. Mrs. Van de Kamp.
BREE: For what, Zach?
ZACH: For remembering my mum.
NARRATOR: That night, Paul gave his son something to calm his
nerves.
(PAUL has his hand on ZACH's shoulder, and pulls him inside,
shutting the door.)
[CUT TO: EXT. SOLIS HOUSE]
(GABRIELLE opens the car trunk, and moves a bike out to put in
front of a waiting ASHLEY.)
NARRATOR: And the next day, Gabrielle calmed her own nerves
by giving something to her new best friend.
GABRIELLE: Here you go. Top of the line, free speed, aluminium
frame, handlebar ribbons, and a bell. And you'll notice it's royal
blue to match your pretty little eyes.
ASHLEY: My eyes are green.
GABRIELLE: Yeah, well, you'll be cruising so fast on this, no one
will even notice. (gives ASHLEY a helmet and props the bike up
on the sidewalk) It's all yours, hon. Have fun. (notices ASHLEY
isn't moving) What? What's wrong?
ASHLEY: I don't know how to ride a bike.
GABRIELLE: What? Well, then why did you ask for one?
ASHLEY: (shrugs her shoulders) Why can't you show me?
GABRIELLE: (laughs) Sure, one of these days.
ASHLEY: What's wrong with now?
[CUT TO:INT. MEYER HOUSE - STUDY]
(SUSAN sits at her work desk, flipping through a photo album.
We see many picture, where KARL's head is cut out of all the
photos.)
NARRATOR: After her talk with Lynette, Susan decided to take a
look at her old photo album. And she began to see herself in a
whole new light. And the picture wasn't flattering.
(SUSAN sighs, picking up the phone and dialling a number. We
hear KARL's voice mailbox message, yeah, you got Karl. Leave a
message. followed by a beep.)
SUSAN: Hey Karl, it's me. I was hoping you'll be there. Um, listen,
we need to talk. So, maybe when you drop Julie off tomorrow,
we could have a moment. It's important. Give my best to-Brandy.
Call me.
NARRATOR: Susan was proud of herself. She was finally ready to
let go of her anger. Well, almost.
(SUSAN slides the cut-out head of KARL from underneath one of
the pictures. She holds it up, looking at it for a moment until she
starts scrunching the head together between her fingers.)
[CUT TO: INT. SCAVO HOUSE - KITCHEN]
(We hear one of the boys yelling for LYNETTE in the background.
LYNETTE is wearing a robe with curlers in her hair, and a mask on
her face. TOM goes to the fridge and takes out a sports drink.)
LYNETTE: The boys will be hungry at 5:30, so put the fish sticks in
the toaster oven at 5 o' clock-
TOM: -for half an hour. Honey, I know, this is the third time
you've told me.
LYNETTE: Well, if the food's late, god help you.
TOM: Beautiful, I don't need a pamphlet. It's not brain surgery.
They're just kids, for god's sake. (goes up the stairs)
LYNETTE: Preston, would you come here?
PRESTON: Yeah?
LYNETTE: Sweetie, you know our rule about eating cookies,
right?
PRESTON: Yeah, we can't have'em after 5, cause sugar makes us
hy pe r.
LYNETTE: Yeah, but tonight, anything goes. (gives PRESTON a box
of animal cookies) Make sure you share with your brothers.
PRESTON: Thanks Mum! (goes up the stairs)
(LYNETTE fixes her curlers, looking proud of herself)
[CUT TO: EXT. WISTERIA LANE]
(We see GABRIELLE tottering along in her heels, as she helps
ASHLEY riding along in her bike.)
GABRIELLE: Don't look at your feet. Don't look at your feet, look
at the road. Look at the road. Ow. Uh, okay, find your balance.
Find your balance. Okay, it's all you. It's all you, you're doing
great! Okay, stay to the right. Watch the car. Watch the car.
Watch the car! (ASHLEY veers to the right of the car, narrowing
missing the car, but falling off the bike) Oh god. (runs towards
ASHLEY, helping her up) Are you okay?
ASHLEY: Yeah. Let's go again.
GABRIELLE: (panting) Oh honey. These heels don't have another
block in them.
ASHLEY: What about tomorrow?
GABRIELLE: Well, you won't be around tomorrow, 'cause you
have school.
ASHLEY: I'm home-schooled. I'm always around.
NARRATOR: It was in that moment that Gabrielle realized this
ride was far from over.
[CUT TO:EXT. MEYER HOUSE - PORCH]
(We hear a doorbell ring. SUSAN runs to the door with a towel
wrapped around her body.)
SUSAN: I'm coming! (opens the door to KARL) Karl, what are you
doing here? I asked you to come tomorrow.
KARL: You said you wanted to talk, it sounded important.
SUSAN: Tomorrow! I'm in a towel!
KARL: We were married 14 years, I know what's under there.
英语电影网：www.walenglish.com Desperate Hosuewives《绝望主妇》1-5 季英文剧本 ——第10/297 页——
Come on. (walks into the house)
SUSAN: I'm not really ready for this, I was gonna have a whole
speech prepared.
KARL: Brandy and I have plans tomorrow. I suggest you wing it.
SUSAN: Oh. Um, okay. Here's the thing, Karl. I was thinking
about what happened in the driveway yesterday. And I just don't
wanna, I don't wanna live like this. I don't wanna be that kind of
person. And I just thought, if the two of us had a nice calm-I
need an apology, Karl.
KARL: A what?
SUSAN: An apology. For the way you ended our marriage. You
never took any responsibility for your behaviour.
KARL: I don't know what to say, Susan. The heart wants what it
wants.
SUSAN: What does that mean?
KARL: I fell in love.
SUSAN: While you were married to someone else! (gesturing to
herself)
KARL: The heart wants what it wants.
SUSAN: Yeah, well, my heart wants to hurt you, but I can control
myself.
KARL: I don't wanna go back to that ugly place, really, and if you
do, I suggest you get some help. (walks outside)
SUSAN: (follows him outside, still wearing just the towel) You
know what? I don't need an apology. I
don't need anything from you.
KARL: You're humiliating yourself. (gets in the car)
SUSAN: (opens the passenger side door, and bends down to talk
to him) No, you're the one who's been humiliating yourself, Karl,
why don't you see that? You walked out on your family. People
think you're scum, not me. So worry about yourself, I'm okay
with me. I can walk down the street and walk my head high.
(shuts the passenger side door of KARL's CAR as he drives off,
pulling the towel off SUSAN)
(SUSAN is appalled, and quickly runs towards the front door,
covering herself with her hands. She tries to open the door, but
it's locked. She gasps, and tiptoes towards a wooden post on her
porch, hiding behind it. She eyes a tall plant, and pulls it towards
her, covering herself more.)
NARRATOR: On Wisteria Lane, an unsettled Susan racked her
brain to find a way into her own house.
(SUSAN holds the plant in front of her, and sidesteps her way
down the steps and towards the garden shed on the left of her
house. She tries to open the door to the shed, but it's also
locked. She tiptoes towards a window, and tries to open it. It's
stuck. She puts down the plant and uses two hands to try and
open it. She slips, and falls into her shrubs on her back!)
NARRATOR: Lying naked in her shrubs, it occurred to Susan that
this could be the most humiliating moment of her life.
(MIKE walks by and notices her lying there.)
MIKE: Susan?
NARRATOR: She was wrong.
MIKE: (averts his eyes, grinning) Uh.. whatcha doing?
SUSAN: Locked myself out. Naked.
MIKE: Oh.
SUSAN: And then I fell. (crosses her legs) So how are you?
MIKE: Good. I just got back. I was gone all day, and I got your
messages about dinner, and, um, I would love to come if the
invite still stands.
SUSAN: It's a date.
MIKE: Alright, I um, assume the dress is, uh, casual.
SUSAN: Yeah, it's-it's casual.
(MIKE nods, grinning as he walks off. SUSAN squeals and covers
herself with the plants.)
[CUT TO: EXT. VAN DE KAMP HOUSE]
(SUSAN and MIKE walk up the porch. SUSAN is holding a bottle
of wine.)
SUSAN: Thanks for helping me break in. Do you think it's gonna
be hard to replace that screen?
MIKE: Well that depends. Nail it in yourself, you might wanna
wear gloves. Or pants. Pants wouldn't hurt.
SUSAN: Okay. I know what just happened is funny, in theory, but
I am nowhere near ready to laugh about it. So please, no jokes.
BREE: (opens the front door) Hey, where've you been?
MIKE: Um, Susan had a problem finding something to wear
(stifles his laughter). Oh, was that the kinda thing you meant?
SUSAN: Pretty much.
LYNETTE: The kids are bouncing off the walls?Huh. Well I'm sure
you can find a way to put them to bed, Tom. I mean, for god's
sakes, Tom, they're just kids.
SUSAN: (notices GABRIELLE is limping) Hey, are you okay?
GABRIELLE: Yes, I, I went jogging today, and I think I just pushed
myself too hard.
SUSAN: Well, you're probably not wearing the right shoes.
GABRIELLE: Yeah, that thought did cross my mind.
CARLOS: So Gabrielle says you and Bree are taking lessons three
times a week.
REX: Uh-huh.
CARLOS: I'm actually thinking about playing again. I mean, it's
such great exercise.
REX: That it is.
CARLOS: And my drop-shot could use a serious tune-up. Think
you could give me the number of your pro?
REX: Yeah, I'll, uh, give it to you later.
CARLOS: Well, what club does he work out of?
REX: Um. We're not really taking tennis lessons, Carlos.
CARLOS: You're not?
REX: That's a story Bree concocted to cover the fact that we're
seeing a marriage counsellor.
(BREE, standing right behind him, drops her plate of
hors'deuvres on the ground. REX turns around, startled.
Everyone else turns to watch.) Bree, Bree.
(BREE takes his glass of wine from him.)
REX: He wouldn't stop asking about the tennis pro. (turns to
everyone else) Bree and I are in marriage counselling. Everyone
knows our secret now. Did the sky fall? Has your life come
crashing down?
(GABRIELLE, LYNETTE and SUSAN look at each other,
dumbfounded.)
BREE: If everybody would please take your seats. Dinner is
served.
[CUT TO: INT. YOUNG HOUSE - LIVING ROOM]
(ZACH is sleeping on the couch with the TV on. PAUL comes in,
and sees him sleeping. He walks over and sits on the coffee table.
He looks at ZACh, pulling a blanket over him. He looks up as he
hears the news on TV, on channel KQRY 15.)
NEWS REPORTER: A recent discovery was made today in
Westbrook, when a chest was found in Rock Water Lake,
discovered by a local area businessman and his grandson while
they were fishing. Investigators recovered a wooden chest,
containing what appears to be human remains. Now a police
spokesman said that the body was...
(PAUL switches the TV off. He gets up and switches off the lamp,
leaving the room. ZACH opens his eyes.)
[CUT TO:INT. VAN DE KAMP HOUSE - DINING ROOM]
(The atmosphere is icy, as the dinner proceeds in silence. REX
looks at BREE, then down at his plate. BREE is embaressed. MIKE
looks at BREE, then REX,, then back down. CARLOS stares at his
plate as he raises his eyebrows. GABRIELLE pretends to be
engrossed in her food, then sips at her water. SUSAN can't stand
the silence.)
SUSAN: Okay, I gotta break the ice here. So you're in counselling,
big deal. You want humiliation? I'll give you humiliation. I locked
myself out of my house stark naked and got caught by Mike.
GABRIELLE: Oh my god, when did this happen?
SUSAN: Today. Right before the party.
MIKE: What can I say? Right place, right time.
(Everyone laughs, relieved to enjoy the story..)
LYNETTE: I think I can top that. Try getting thrown out of
Disneyland for lewd behaviour.
SUSAN: What? When was this?
LYNETTE: When Tom and I were first married, things got a little
out of hand on Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.
REX: (grinning) You're kidding.
LYNETTE: No, we got perp-walked down Main Street USA.
(BREE looks at REX, who's laughing at the others' stories. She is
appalled that he can out her secret and not give a damn. Uh-oh,
look out, Rex.)
GABRIELLE: Well since we're doing true confessions. Carlos and I
once broke a waterbed in Cancun.
MIKE: How'd you manage that?
GABRIELLE: Oh he used to have a thing for spiked heels.
CARLOS: I'd just like to make it clear, she was wearing them.
(Everyone laughs again, except BREE.)
BREE: Rex cries after he ejaculates.
(REX looks at BREE, appalled, who smiles at him, then looks
down at her plate. SUSAN looks at BREE, then looks down.
CARLOS looks at REX, then looks down as well. LYNETTE turns to
see REX's reaction. REX wipes his mouth, then gets up and
leaves the table. We see him grabbing his car keys, then
slamming the front door. BREE resumes eating, as the rest of
them sit uncomfortably.)
[CUT TO: EXT. WISTERIA LANE -- LATER]
(MIKE and SUSAN are walking down the darkened Wisteria
Lane.)
MIKE: You think we left too early?
SUSAN: I was thinking we left too late.
MIKE: So is, uh, Rex gone for good?
SUSAN: I don't know. God, I hope not. I mean, they're always
been wound a little tight, but I've never seen him like that. Then
again, who am I to judge?
MIKE: You mean, people who live in glass houses shouldn't
throw soda cans?
SUSAN: Okay, you have got to know that I only get that angry
around Karl. He just treated me so badly at the end, I-I haven't
been able to get past it.
MIKE: Maybe he did you a big favour.
SUSAN: What do you mean?
MIKE: Just look at Karl as the starter marriage, you know, boot
camp. Preparing you for something better next time.
SUSAN: Listen, Mike, I-about the whole seeing me naked thing. I
don't know, I just, I wanna thank you for being such a-perfect
gentleman.
MIKE: Oh I wasn't a perfect gentleman, I might've snuck a peek.
SUSAN: Oh. Goodnight. (bursts into laughter and walks towards
her door.)
MIKE: Oh, and, uh, for what it's worth,wow.
(SUSAN stares as MIKE walks away, smiling. She stands there
surprised, then a huge smile blooms on her face as she opens
her door and walks in.)
[CUT TO: INT. SCAVO HOUSE - LIVING ROOM]
(TOM is asleep on the couch. A red cloth comes down to tickle
his face and he starts, waking up to see LYNETTE.)
TOM: Hi.
LYNETTE: How was your night?
TOM: We are raising little terrorists, you know that, don't you?
LYNETTE: Oh. Didn't have a good time?
TOM: You know what, drop the act. I know you gave them
cookies.
LYNETTE: Oooh. Who cracked anyway?
TOM: Porter. Yeah. So how was your dinner party?
LYNETTE: Well, there was dinner, but it wasn't much of a party.
TOM: Uh oh, what happened?
LYNETTE: I don't know. Rex announced that he and Bree are in
counselling. She retaliated with this whole revelation which I
won't even go into now. And the bottom line is, he stormed out.
Clearly there's trouble in paradise.
TOM: Honestly, I'm not that surprised.
LYNETTE: Why not?
TOM: I don't know, I just never got the, uh, idea that they were
really happy.
LYNETTE: Are we happy?
(They look at each other.)
[CUT TO: INT. SOLIS HOUSE - BATHROOM]
(CARLOS is standing at the mirror, trimming his
nose-hair.GABRIELLE is rubbing oil up and down her legs.)
CARLOS: Man, oh man. I keep seeing that look on Rex's face, and
then him taking off like that. Heh. Some night. Then again, I
would probably cry too if I had to have sex with that woman.
(CARLOS cracks a smile.) I mean, you watch a man got torn down
like that, makes you wonder why he's let her get away with it.
(GABRIELLE looks up, spooked.) Believe me, if a woman ever
humiliated me like that in public, heh, it would only happen
once. (CARLOS walks off, but GABRIELLE stands there still looking
very scared.)
[CUT TO: INT. VAN DE KAMP HOUSE - BEDROOM]
(BREE is packing REX's suitcase. REX is sitting on the bed.)
BREE: So, uh, where are you going?
REX: I'll be staying at the motor launch.
BREE: Hotel by the interstate has better rates, and, uh, it's closer
to your work.
REX: Fine.
BREE: I'm packing your swimsuit. There's a pool there, and I
know how swimming relaxes you.
REX: When our kids ask where I am, what're you gonna say?
BREE: Umm, I can tell them that you went to tennis camp. That
was a joke.
REX: Yeah. I got it.
BREE: There. Obviously, if you've forgotten anything, you can,
um, come right back and get it.
REX: Well, I'll call you.
BREE: Rex. In college, when we first started dating, people were
so jealous of us. We were the golden couple. Everybody knew
we were gonna have this wonderful life. Why is this happening?
REX: Because you can't even let me pack my own suitcase.
(walks out, leaving BREE standing there.)
(BREE walks towards the bed. She looks like she's about to burst
into tears. She collects herself, clearing her throat as she
straightens the bed.)
[CUT TO: EXT. MEYER HOUSE]
(KARL is dropping JULIE off. SUSAN comes out the front door.)
KARL: (kisses JULIE on the head) Alright, see you. (gets in the
car)
JULIE: Hey, where're you going?
SUSAN: Just a sec.
JULIE: Mum?
SUSAN: Don't worry, I'm not packing heat. (opens the passenger
side door where BRANDI is sitting) Hey Brandy, could you scoot a
little? Just scoot, thank you. (gets in and shuts the door) Hi.
KARL: W-What are you doing?
SUSAN: I'll be quick. Brandy, I'm sorry for the way I treated you.
It was uncalled for, and childish, and it won't happen again. I
have built up a lot of anger towards you, both of you, and I
realise now that I just can't carry that around anymore. So,
apology or no apology, I'm moving on.
(BRANDI looks startled, sitting there. Suddenly, she gets up and
out of the car.)
BRANDI: Mrs. Meyer?
KARL: Brandy. Brandy, get in the car.
BRANDI: Mrs. Meyer?
SUSAN: Please. Call me Susan.
BRANDI: I just wanted you to know, what happened between me
and Karl, things got out of hand because I thought your marriage
was over. Anyway, I just wanted you to know I'm sorry, I really
am.
SUSAN: Thank you.
NARRATOR: And though it came from an unexpected source,
Susan finally got the apology she's always wanted.
[CUT TO: INT. SCAVO HOUSE - FOYER]
(LYNETTE comes in the door with bags of stuff, and mail in her
mouth.)
TOM: (comes down the stairs wearing a sombrero) Hey, let me
take those. (takes her shopping bags and mail)
LYNETTE: You're wearing a really big hat.
TOM: (puts the stuff down on the table, then puts some music
on) Yes, I am. Listen, the kids are watching a video, which means
that we've only got about 45 minutes until they actually find
Nemo, so I suggest that we make the most of it. (puts the
finishing touches on some margheritas.)
LYNETTE: By reliving your night out with the guys?
TOM: Lynette? I'm trying. (offers her a margherita)
LYNETTE: You look-ridiculous in that thing.
TOM: Sexy ridiculous?
LYNETTE: Maybe.
TOM: I can live with maybe.
LYNETTE: (twirls her around and slow-dances with her) Aww. You
know, it's gonna take more than just this one night.
TOM: I know. (they kiss) Ahh, looks like we have an audience.
(We see the three SCAVO kids sitting on the landing of the stairs,
watching their parents dance)
LYNETTE: Let 'em look. As long as they don't try and cut in.
[CUT TO:INT. DR. GOLDFINE'S OFFICE]
(There's a knock on the door as BREE comes in.)
BREE: Dr. Goldfine.
DR. GOLDFINE: Bree. We're not scheduled now, are we?
BREE: I didn't have time to make an appointment. Rex moved
out today.
DR. GOLDFINE: I'm very sorry to hear that, but unfortunately, I'm
completely booked right now.
BREE: I don't need much time, it just seems that you have more
insight into my situation than I do. And I just think that-
DR. GOLDFINE: Bree, we can't talk now.
BREE: If you would just tell me what he told you, then I could fix
the problem.
DR. GOLDFINE: You can't do that, it's completely unethical.
BREE: Well, why can't you?(stops when she hears a bell ring
from the outer office)
DR. GOLDFINE: That's my next appointment. You really need to
go.
BREE: Dr. Goldfine, please?
DR. GOLDFINE: Hold on. I'll go talk to my client.
(DR. GOLDFINE leaves the room. BREE paces around the room,
then spots a cupboard that hasn't been fully closed. She looks
through the tapes marked with names of DR. GOLDFINE's clients.
摘要：
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英语电影网：www.walenglish.comDesperateHosuewives《绝望主妇》1-5季英文剧本——第1/297页——DESPERATEHOUSEWIVES1X01:PILOT------------------------------------------------------------OPENON:[EXT.WISTERIALANE---MORNING](Aschoolbusdrivesuptheroad.Friendly"GoodMorning"areexchangedbetweenneighbors.Awomanpushesababycarriagealong,...
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