DOLLY DIALOGUES(多利·戴尔洛格斯)

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DOLLY DIALOGUES

by Anthony Hope

DOLLY DIALOGUES

A LIBERAL EDUCATION

"There's ingratitude for you!" Miss Dolly Foster exclaimed suddenly.

"Where!" I asked, rousing myself from meditation.

She pointed to a young man who had just passed where we sat. He

was dressed very smartly, and was walking with a lady attired in the height

of the fashion.

"I made that man," said Dolly, "and now he cuts me dead before the

whole of the Row! It's atrocious. Why, but for me, do you suppose he'd

be at this moment engaged to three thousand a year and--and the plainest

girl in London?"

"Not that," I pleaded; "think of--"

"Well, very plain anyhow. I was quite ready to bow to him. I almost

did."

"In fact you did?"

"I didn't. I declare I didn't."

"Oh, well, you didn't then. It only looked like it."

"I met him," said Miss Dolly, "three years ago. At that time he was--

oh, quite unpresentable. He was everything he shouldn't be. He was a

teetotaler, you know, and he didn't smoke, and he was always going to

concerts. Oh, and he wore his hair long, and his trousers short, and his

hat on the back of his head. And his umbrella--"

"Where did he wear that?"

"He carried that, Mr. Carter. Don't be silly! Carried it unrolled, you

know, and generally a paper parcel in the other hand; and he had

spectacles too."

"He has certainly changed, outwardly at least.

"Yes, I know; well, I did that. I took him in hand, and I just taught

him, and now--!"

"Yes, I know that. But how did you teach him? Give him Saturday

evening lectures, or what?"

"Oh, every-evening lectures, and most-morning walks. And I taught

him to dance, and broke his wretched fiddle with my own hands!"

DOLLY DIALOGUES

"What very arbitrary distinctions you draw!"

"I don't know that you mean. I do like a man to be smart, anyhow.

Don't you, Mr. Carter? You're not so smart as you might be. Now, shall

I take you in hand?" And she smiled upon me.

"Let's hear your method. What did you do to him.?"

"To Phil Meadows? Oh, nothing. I just slipped in a remark here

and there, whenever he talked nonsense. I used to speak just at the right

time, you know."

"But how had your words such influence, Miss Foster?"

"Oh, well, you know, Mr. Carter, I made it a condition that he should

do just what I wanted in little things like that. Did he think I was going

to walk about with a man carrying a brown paper parcel--as if we had been

to the shop for a pound of tea?"

"Still, I don't see why he should alter all his--"

"Oh, you are stupid! Of course, he liked me, you know."

"Oh, did he? I see."

"You seem to think that very funny."

"Not that he did--but that, apparently, he doesn't."

"Well you got out of that rather neatly--for you. No, he doesn't now.

You see, he misunderstood my motive. He thought--well, I do believe he

thought I cared for him, you know. Of course I didn't."

"Not a bit?"

"Just as a friend--and a pupil, you know. And when he'd had his hair

cut and bought a frock coat (fancy he'd never had one!), he looked quite

nice. He has nice eyes. Did you notice them."

"Lord, no!"

"Well, you're so unobservant."

"Oh, not always. I've observed that your--"

"Please don't! It's no use, is it?"

I looked very unhappy. There is an understanding that I am very

unhappy since Miss Foster's engagement to the Earl of Mickleham was

announced.

"What was I saying before--before you--you know--oh, about Phil

Meadows, of course. I did like him very much, you know, or I shouldn't

DOLLY DIALOGUES

have taken all that trouble. Why, his own mother thanked me!"

"I have no more to say," said I.

"But she wrote me a horrid letter afterward."

"You're so very elliptical."

"So very what, Mr. Carter?"

"You leave so much out, I mean. After what?"

"Why, after I sent him away. Didn't I tell you? Oh, we had the most

awful scene. He raved, Mr. Carter. He called me the most horrid names,

and--"

"Tore his hair?"

"It wasn't long enough to get hold of," she tittered. "But don't laugh.

It was really dreadful. And so unjust! And then, next day, when I thought

it was comfortably over, you know, he came back, and--and apologized,

and called himself the most awful names, and--well, that was really

worse."

"What did the fellow complain of?" I asked in wondering tones.

"Oh, he said I'd destroyed his faith in women, you know, and that I'd

led him on, and that I was--well, he was very rude indeed. And he went

on writing me letters like that for a whole year? It made me quite

uncomfortable."

"But he didn't go back to short trousers and a fiddle, did he?" I asked

anxiously.

"Oh, no. But he forgot all he owed me, and he told me that his heart

was dead, and that he should never love any one again."

"But he's going to marry that girl."

"Oh, he doesn't care about her,"said Miss Dolly reassuringly. "It's the

money, you know. He hadn't a farthing of his own. Now he'll be set

up for life."

"And it's all due to you!" said I admiringly.

"Well, it is, really."

"I don't call her such a bad-looking girl, though." (I hadn't seen her

face.)

"Mr. Carter! She's hideous!"

I dropped that subject.

DOLLY DIALOGUES

"And now," said Miss Dolly again, "he cuts me dead!"

"It is the height of ingratitude. Why, to love you was a liberal

education!"

"Yes, wasn't it? How nicely you put that. A liberal education!' I

shall tell Archie." (Archie is Lord Mickleham.)

"What, about Phil Meadows?"

"Goodness me, no, Mr. Carter. Just what you said, you know."

"But why not tell Mickleham about Phil Meadows?" I urged. "It's all

to your credit, you know."

"I know, but men are so foolish. You see, Archie thinks--"

"Of course he does."

"You might let me finish."

"Archie thinks you were never in love before."

"Yes, he does. Well, of course, I wasn't in love with Phil--"

"Not a little bit?"

"Oh, well--"

"Nor with any one else?"

Miss Dolly looked for an instant in my direction.

"Nor with any one else? said I.

Miss Dolly looked straight in front of her.

"Nor with--" I began.

"Hullo, old chappie, where did you spring from?"

"Why, Archie!" cried Miss Dolly.

"Oh, how are you, Mickleham, old man? Take this seat; I'm just off--

just off. Yes, I was, upon my honor--got to meet a man at the club.

Goodbye, Miss Foster. Jove! I'm late!"

And as I went I heard Miss Dolly say, "I thought you were never

coming, Archie, dear!" Well, she didn't think he was coming just then.

No more did I.

DOLLY DIALOGUES

CORDIAL RELATIONS

The other day I paid a call on Miss Dolly Foster for the purpose of

presenting to her my small offering on the occasion of her marriage to

Lord Mickleham. It was a pretty little bit of jewelry--a pearl heart,

broken (rubies played the part of blood) and held together by a gold pin,

set with diamonds, the whole surmounted by an earl's coronet. I had

taken some trouble about it, and was grateful when Miss Dolly asked me

to explain the symbolism.

"It is my heart," I observed. "The fracture is your making; the pin--"

Here Miss Dolly interrupted; to tell the truth I was not sorry, for I was

fairly graveled for the meaning of the pin.

"What nonsense, Mr. Carter!" she said; "but it's awfully pretty.

Thanks so very very much. Aren't relations funny people?"

"If you wish to change the subject, pray do," said I. "I'll change

anything except my affections."

"Look here," she pursued, holding out a bundle of letters. "Here are

the congratulatory epistles from relations. Shall I read you a few?"

"It will be a most agreeable mode of passing the time," said I.

"This is from Aunt Georgiana--she's a widow--lives at Cheltenham.

'My dearest Dorothea--'"

"Who?"

"Dorothea's my name, Mr. Carter. It means the gift of heaven, you

know."

" 'My dearest Dorothea, I have heard the news of your engagement to

Lord Mickleham with deep thankfulness. To obtain the love of an honest

man is a great prize. I hope you will prove worthy of it. Marriage is a

trial and an opportunity--'"

"Hear, hear!" said I. "A trial for the husband and--"

"Be quiet, Mr. Carter. 'A trial and an opportunity. It searches the

heart and affords a sphere of usefulness which--' So she goes on, you

know. I don't see why I need be lectured just because I'm going to be

married, do you, Mr. Carter?"

DOLLY DIALOGUES

"Let's try another," said I. "Who's that on pink paper?"

"Oh, that's Georgy Vane. She's awful fun. 'Dear old Dolly,--So

you've brought it off. Hearty congrats. I thought you were going to be

silly and throw away--' There's nothing else there, Mr. Carter. Look

here. Listen to this. It's from Uncle William. He's a clergyman, you

know. 'My dear Niece,--I have heard with great gratification of your

engagement. Your aunt and I unite in all good wishes. I recollect Lord

Mickleham's father when I had a curacy near Worcester. He was a

regular attendant at church and a supporter of all good works in the

diocese. If only his son takes after him (fancy Archie!) You have secured

a prize. I hope you have a proper sense of the responsibilities you are

undertaking. Marriage affords no small opportunities, it also entails

certain trials--'"

"Why, you're reading Aunt Georgiana again."

"Am I? No, it's Uncle William."

"Then let's try a fresh cast--unless you'll finish Georgy Vane's."

"Well, here's Cousin Susan's. She's an old maid, you know. It's

very long. Here's a bit: 'Woman has it in her power to exercise a sacred

influence. I have not the pleasure of knowing Lord Mickleham, but I

hope, my dear, that you will use your power over him for good. It is

useless for me to deny that when you stayed with me, I thought you were

addicted to frivolity. Doubtless marriage will sober you. Try to make a

good use of its lessons I am sending you a biscuit tin'--and so on."

"A very proper letter," said I.

Miss Dolly indulged in a slight grimace, and took up another letter.

"This," she said, "is from my sister-in-law, Mrs. Algernon Foster."

"A daughter of Lord Doldrums, wasn't she?"

"Yes. 'My dear Dorothea,--I have heard your news. I do hope it will

turn out happily. I believe that any woman who conscientiously does her

duty can find happiness in married life. Her husband and children

occupy all her time and all her thoughts, and if she can look for few of the

lighter pleasures of life, she has at least the knowledge that she is of use in

the world. Please accept the accompanying volumes (it's Browning) as a

small--' I say, Mr. Carter, do you think it's really like that?"

DOLLY DIALOGUES

"There is still time to draw back," I observed.

"Oh, don't be silly. Here, this is my brother Tom's. 'Dear Dol,--I

thought Mickleham rather an ass when I met him, but I dare say you know

best. What's his place like? Does he take a moor? I thought I read that

he kept a yacht. Does he? Give him my love and a kiss. Good luck,

old girl. Tom. P.S.--I'm glad it's not me, you know.'"

"A disgusting letter," I observed. "Not at all," said Miss Dolly,

dimpling. "It's just like dear old Tom. Listen to grandpapa's. 'My dear

Granddaughter,--The alliance' (I rather like it's being called an alliance, Mr.

Carter. It sounds like the Royal Family, doesn't it?) 'you are about to

contract is in all respects a suitable one. I send you my blessing and a

small check to help towards your trousseau.--Yours affectionately, Jno.

Wm. Foster.'"

"That," said I, "is the best up to now."

"Yes, it's 500," said she, smiling. "Here's old Lady M.'s."

"Whose?" I exclaimed.

"Archie's mother's, you know. 'My dear Dorothea (as I suppose I must

call you now)--Archibald has informed us of his engagement, and I and

the girls (there are five girls, Mr. Carter) hasten to welcome his bride. I

am sure Archie will make his wife very happy. He is rather particular

(like his dear father), but he has a good heart, and is not fidgety about his

meals. Of course we shall be delighted to move out of The Towers at

once. I hope we shall see a great deal of you soon. Archie is full of your

praises, and we thoroughly trust his taste. Archie--' It's all about Archie,

you see."

"Naturally," said I.

"Well, I don't know. I suppose I count a little, too. Oh, look here.

Here's Cousin Fred's, but he's always so silly. I shan't read you his."

"O, just a bit of it," I pleaded.

"Well, here's one bit. 'I suppose I can't murder him, so I must wish him

joy. All I can say is, Dolly, that he's the luckiest (something I can't read--

either fellow or--devil) I ever heard of. I wonder if you've forgotten that

evening--'"

"Well, go on." For she stopped.

DOLLY DIALOGUES

"Oh, there's nothing else."

"In fact, you have forgotten the evening?"

"Entirely," said Miss Dolly, tossing her head.

"But he sends me a love of a bracelet. He can't possibly pay for it,

poor boy."

"Young knave!" said I severely. (I had paid for my pearl heart.)

"Then comes a lot from girls. Oh, there's one from Maud Tottenham-

-she's a second cousin, you know--it's rather amusing. 'I used to know

your FIANCE slightly. He seemed very nice, but it's a long while ago,

and I never saw much of him. I hope he is really fond of you, and that it

is not a mere fancy. Since you love him so much, it would be a pity if he

did not care deeply for you.'"

"Interpret, Miss Dolly," said I.

"She tried to catch him herself," said Miss Dolly.

"Ah, I see. Is that all?"

"The others aren't very interesting."

"Then let's finish Georgy Vane's."

"Really?" she asked, smiling.

"Yes. Really."

"Oh, if you don;'t mind, I don't," said she, laughing, and she hunted out

the pink note and spread it before her.

"Let me see. Where was I? Oh, here. 'I thought you were going to

be silly and throw away your chances on some of the men who used to

flirt with you. Archie Mickleham may not be a genius, but he's a good

fellow and a swell and rich; and he's not a pauper, like Phil Meadows, or a

snob like Charlie Dawson, or--' shall I go on, Mr. Carter? No, I won't. I

didn't see what it was."

"Yes, you shall go on."

"O, no, I can't," and she folded up the letter. "Then I will," and I'm

ashamed to say I snatched the letter. Miss Dolly jumped to her feet. I

fled behind the table. She ran round. I dodged.

"'Or'" I began to read.

"Stop!" cried she.

" 'Or a young spendthrift like that man--I forget his name--who you

DOLLY DIALOGUES

used to go on with at such a pace at Monte Carlo last winter.'"

"Stop!" she cried. "You must stop, Mr. Carter."

So then I stopped. I folded the letter and handed it back to her. Her

cheeks flushed red as she took it.

"I thought you were a gentleman," said she, biting her lip.

"I was at Monte Carlo last winter myself," said I.

"Lord Mickleham," said the butler, throwing open the door.

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DOLLYDIALOGUES1DOLLYDIALOGUESbyAnthonyHopeDOLLYDIALOGUES2ALIBERALEDUCATION"There'singratitudeforyou!"MissDollyFosterexclaimedsuddenly."Where!"Iasked,rousingmyselffrommeditation.Shepointedtoayoungmanwhohadjustpassedwherewesat.Hewasdressedverysmartly,andwaswalkingwithaladyattiredintheheightofthefashio...

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