[ebook.nsO] [buddhism] Preparing for Death and Helping the Dying - Sangye Khadro [www.NorthSh.pdf

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E-mail: bdea@buddhanet.net

Web site: www.buddhanet.net

Buddha Dharma Education Association Inc.

by Sangye Khadro

Preparing for Death

and Helping the Dying

Preparing for Death

and Helping the Dying

First published in 1999

Revised edition published in May 2003

for free distribution

Kong Meng San Phor Kark See Monastery

Publication, Art & Design Department

88 Bright Hill Road

Singapore 574117

Tel: (65) 6552 7426

Email: publication@kmspks.org

www.kmspks.org

10,000 books, September 2003

ISBN 981-04-8920-X

Although reprinting of our books for free distribution is

encouraged as long as the publication is reprinted in its

entirety with no modifications, including this statement of

the conditions, and credit is given to the author and the

publisher, we require permission to be obtained in writing,

to ensure that the latest edition is used.

Printed by

Ad Graphic Pte Ltd

Tel: 6747 8320

Email: ps@adgraphic.com.sg

iii

CONTENTS

Preface To The Revised Edition ...... v

Introduction ...... vii

Buddhist Perspective on Death

● Death is a natural, inevitable part of life ...... 1

● It is very important to accept

and be aware of death ...... 4

● Death is not the end of everything,

but a gateway into another life ...... 6

● It is possible to become free from death

and rebirth ...... 8

How to Prepare for Death

● The four tasks of living and dying ...... 10

● Live ethically ...... 13

● Study spiritual teachings ...... 15

● Cultivate a spiritual practice ...... 15

● Become familiar with the stages

of the death process ...... 19

Helping Others who are Dying

● Working on our own emotions ...... 24

● Giving hope and finding forgiveness ...... 26

● How to help someone

who is a Buddhist ...... 28

● How to help someone

who is not a Buddhist ...... 31

● The time of death ...... 33

● Helping after death ...... 36

Conclusion ...... 38

Appendix ...... 39

Inspiring Quotes ...... 45

Recommended Reading ...... 50

PREFACE TO THE REVISED

EDITION

This booklet is based on material used during a

seminar that I have taught a number of times in

Singapore and elsewhere, entitled “Preparing for

Death and Helping the Dying.” This seminar

answers a genuine need in today’s world, as

expressed by one participant: “I am interested to

know more about death and how to help dying

people, but it’s very difficult to find anyone willing

to talk about these things.”

The material for the seminar is taken mainly

from two sources: traditional Buddhist teachings,

and contemporary writings in the field of caring

for the dying. This booklet is meant as a brief

introduction to the subject rather than a detailed

explanation. My hope is that it will spark interest

in the ideas presented. For those of you who wish

to learn more, a list of recommended books is

provided at the end.

The booklet was first published in October,

1999 in Singapore. For this present edition, I have

made some changes to the original text, and added

more material, including two appendices. Any

suggestions for further changes and additions would

be most welcome.

Sangye Khadro

March, 2003

vii

INTRODUCTION

Death is a subject that most people do not like to

hear about, talk about, or even think about. Why

is this? After all, whether we like it or not, each and

every one of us will have to die one day. And even

before we have to face our own death, we will most

probably have to face the deaths of other people—

our family members, friends, colleagues, and so

forth. Death is a reality, a fact of life, so wouldn’t

it be better to approach it with openness and

acceptance, rather than fear and denial?

Perhaps the discomfort we have towards death

is because we think it will be a terrible, painful and

depressing experience. However, it doesn’t have to

be so. Dying can be a time of learning and growth;

a time of deepening our love, our awareness of what

is important in life, and our faith and commitment

to spiritual beliefs and practices. Death can even be

an opportunity to gain insight into the true nature

of ourselves and all things, an insight that will

enable us to become free from all suffering.

Let’s take the example of Inta McKimm, the

director of a Buddhist centre in Brisbane, Australia.

viii

Inta died of lung cancer in August, 1997. Two

months before her death she wrote in a letter to her

Spiritual Teacher, Lama Zopa Rinpoche: “Although

I am dying, this is the happiest time of my life!....

For a long time life seemed so hard, so difficult. But

when really recognizing death it turned into the

greatest happiness. I wouldn’t want anyone to miss

out on their own death, the great happiness that

comes with having recognized impermanence and

death. This is quite surprising and unexpected, and

extremely joyful. It is the greatest happiness of my

whole life, the greatest adventure and the greatest

party!”

Inta spent the last few months of her life

dedicating herself to spiritual practice. At the time

of her death her mind was peaceful, and she was

surrounded by family and friends praying for her.

There are many similar stories of Lamas, monks,

nuns and spiritual practitioners who are able to face

death with serenity and dignity, and in some cases

are even able to remain in a state of meditation

during and after their death. With the proper

training and preparation, a peaceful and positive

death is possible for each and every one of us.

It is important to examine the thoughts, feelings

and attitudes we have regarding death and dying, to

see whether or not they are realistic and healthy.

How do you feel when you read or hear the news

of a disaster where many people were killed

suddenly and unexpectedly? How do you feel when

you hear that one of your own family members or

friends has died or been diagnosed with cancer?

How do you feel when you see a hearse, or drive

past a cemetery? What do you think it will be like

to die? And do you believe in anything beyond this

life, on the other side of death?

There are two unhealthy attitudes people

sometimes have towards death. One is to be

frightened, thinking that it will be a horrible,

painful experience, or that it means total

annihilation. This fear leads to denial and wanting

to avoid thinking or talking about death. Is this a

good idea, considering the fact that we will have to

go through it one day? Wouldn’t it be better to

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