L. Sprague De Camp - Two Yards of Dragon

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2024-11-24 0 0 44.31KB 16 页 5.9玖币

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TWO YARDS OF DRAGON

EUDoRIc DAMBERTSON, ESQUIRE, rode home from his courting of Lusina, daughter

of the enchanter Baldonius, with a face as long as an olif ant's nose.

Eudoric's sire, Sir Dambert, said:

"Well, how fared thy suit, boy? Ill, eh?"

"I-" began Eudoric.

"I told you 'twas an asinine notion, eh? Was I not right? When Baron

Emmerhard has more daughters than he can count, any one of which would fetch a

pretty parcel of land with her, eh? Well, why answerest not?"

"I-" said Eudoric.

"Come on, lad, speak up!"

"How can he, when ye talk all the time?" said Eudoric's mother, the Lady

Aniset.

"Oh," said Sir Dambert. "Your pardon, son. Moreover and furthermore, as

I've told you, an ye were Emmerhard's son-in-law, he'd use his influence toget

you your spurs. Here ye be, a strapping youth of three-and-twenty, not yet

knighted. 'Tis a disgrace to our lineage."

"There are no wars toward, to afford opportunity for deeds of knightly

dought," said Eudoric.

"Aye, 'tis true. Certes, we all hail the blessings of peace, which the

wise governance of our sovran emperor hath given us for lo these thirteen

years. Howsomever, to perform a knightly deed, our young men must needs waylay

banditti, disperse rioters, and do suchlike fribbling feats."

As Sir Dambert paused, Eudoric interjected, "Sir, that problem now seems

on its way to solution."

"How meanest thou?"

"If you'll but hear me, Father! Doctor Baldonius has set me a

task, ere he'll bestow Lusina on me, which should fit me for knighthood in any

jurisdiction?'

"And that is?"

"He's fain to have two square yards of dragon hide. Says he needs 'em

for his magical mummeries."

"But there have been no dragons in these parts for a century or more!"

"True; but, quoth Baldonius, the monstrous reptiles still abound far to

eastward, in the lands of Pathenia and Pantorozia. Forsooth, he's given me a

letter of introduction to his colleague, Doctor Raspiudus, in Pathenia."

"What?" cried the Lady Aniset. "Thou, to set forth on some yearlong

journey to parts unknown, where, 'tis said, men hop on a single leg or have

faces in their bellies? I'll not have it! Besides, Baldonius may be privy

wizard to Baron Emmerhard, but 'tis not to be denied that he is of no gentle

blood."

"Well," said Eudoric, "so who was gentle when the Divine Pair created

the world?"

"Our forebears were, I'm sure, whate'er were the case with those of the

learned Doctor Baldonius. You young people are always full of idealistic

notions. Belike thou'lt fall into heretical delusions, for I hear that the

Easterlings have not the true religion. They falsely believe that God is one,

instead of two as we truly understand."

"Let's not wander into the mazes of theology," said Sir Dambert, his

chin in his fist. "To be sure, the paynim Southrons believe that God is three,

an even more pernicious notion than that of the Easterlings."

"An I meet God in my travels, I'll ask him the truth o't," said Eudoric.

"Be not sacrilegious, thou impertinent whelp! Still and all and

notwithstanding, Doctor Baldonius were a man of influence to have in the

family, be his origin never so humble. Methinks I could prevail upon him to

utter spells to cause my crops, my neat, and my villeins to thrive, whilst

casting poxes and murrains on my enemies. Like that caitiff Rainmar, eh? What

of the bad seasons we've had? The God and Goddess know we need all the

supernatural help we can get to keep us from penury. Else we may some fine day

awaken to find that we've lost the holding to some greasy tradesman with a

purchased title, with pen for lance and tally sheet for shield."

"Then I have your leave, sire?" cried Eudoric, a broad grin splitting

his square, bronzed young face.

The Lady Aniset still objected, and the argument raged for another hour.

Eudoric pointed out that it was not as if he were an only child, having two

younger brothers and a sister. In the end, Sir Dam. bert and his lady agreed

to Eudoric's quest, provided he return in time to help with the harvest, and

take a manservant of their choice.

"Whom have you in mind?" asked Eudoric.

"I fancy Jillo the trainer," said Sir Dambert.

Eudoric groaned. "That old mossback, ever canting and haranguing me on

the duties and dignities of my station?"

"He's but a decade older than ye," said Sir Dambert. "Moreover and

furthermore, ye'll need an older man, with a sense of order and propriety, to

keep you on the path of a gentleman. Class loyalty above all, my boy! Young

men are wont to swallow every new idea that flits past, like a frog snapping

at flies. Betimes they find they've engulfed a wasp, to their scathe and

dolor."

"He's an awkward wight, Father, and not overbrained."

"Aye, but he's honest and true, no small virtues in our degenerate days.

In my sire's time there was none of this newfangled saying the courteous 'ye'

and 'you' even to mere churls and scullions. 'Twas always 'thou' and 'thee."

"How you do go on, Dambert dear," said the Lady Aniset.

"Aye, I ramble. 'Tis the penalty of age. At least, Eudoric, the faithful

Jillo knows horses and will keep your beasts in prime fettle." Sir Dambert

smiled. "Moreover and furthermore, if I know Jillo Godmarson, he'll be glad to

get away from his nagging wife for a spell."

So Eudoric and Jillo set forth to eastward, from, the knight's holding

of Arduen, in the barony of Zurgau, in the county of Treveria, in the kingdom

of Locania, in the New Napolitanian Empire. Eudoric

-of medium height, powerful build, dark, with square-jawed but otherwise

undistinguished features-rode his paifrey and led his mighty destrier Morgrim.

The lank, lean Jillo bestrode another palfrey and led a sumpter mule. Morgrim

was piled with Eudoric's panoply of plate, carefully nested into a compact

bundle and lashed down under a canvas cover. The mule bore the rest of their

supplies.

For a fortnight they wended uneventfully through the duchies and

counties of the Empire. When they reached lands where they could

no longer understand the local dialects, they made shift with Hella. die, the

tongue of the Old Napolitanian Empire, which lettered men spoke everywhere.

They stopped at inns where inns were to be had. For the first fortnight,

Eudoric was too preoccupied with dreams of his beloved Lusina to notice the

tavern wenches. After that, his urges began to fever him, and he bedded one in

Zerbstat, to their mutual satisfaction. Thereafter, however, he forebore, not

as a matter of sexual morals but as a matter of thrift.

When benighted on the road, they slept under the stars-or, as befell

them on the marches of Avaria, under a rain-dripping canopy of clouds. As they

bedded down in the wet, Eudoric asked his companion:

"Jillo, why did you not remind me to bring a tent?"

Jillo sneezed. "Why, sir, come rain, come snow, I never thought that so

sturdy a springald as ye be would ever need one. The heroes in the romances

never travel with tents."

"To the nethermost hell with heroes of the romances! They go clattering

around on their destriers for a thousand cantos. Weather is ever fine. Food,

shelter, and a change of clothing appear, as by magic, whenever desired. Their

armor never rusts. They suffer no tisics and fluxes. They pick up no fleas or

lice at the inns. They're never swindled by merchants, for none does aught so

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