
Mirakles laughed, a deep, booming sound. "Magical talents? A little, wizened-up old man like you?"
Glorian joined in the laughter without anger. "I don't have to look like this, you know," he said. "I
chose this appearance because I thought it was appropriate for our relationship at this point. I can easily
change it if you don't like it, though. I can be young or old, male or female, human or some scungy,
roiling, fetid cloud of interdimensional horror."
Mirakles thought that one over. "Why don't you just stick with the kindly old gnome look for a
while?"
"Fine. My knees complain when I put myself through this, but you can't have everything."
Mirakles took a deep breath and looked around at the forest again. "So here we are. How do you
plan to help me? I mean, if I was actually on a heroic quest — which I'm not, remember — but if I was,
what would you do first?"
Glorian reached into his jacket and pulled out a pamphlet. "Here," he said, giving the literature to
Mirakles, "this is standard. Look it over later when you have a few minutes."
The pamphlet's cover was a light gray color. The words on it were printed in blue. Mirakles had
some trouble sounding them out. "Heroic Behavior," he read haltingly. "Some Do's And Don'ts. Powers
That Be Printing Office. Publication No. 6014-B."
"I'm sure you know most of that stuff already," said Glorian. "And next, I suppose I should get us
out of this forest. The house should be right over there." He turned and pointed south, then started
marching along a narrow path. He didn't even wait to see if Mirakles was following him.
"Hey," cried the hero, "who do you think you are, handing me this stupid pamphlet? As if I need
helpful hints on heroing or something! I was rescuing maidens almost before I knew what a maiden was.
Hey! Wait a minute!"
The path widened until it entered a clearing. There was a white house in the clearing. It had no door
on the north side, but workmen were busily tearing down the boards that covered the windows.
"Renovation!" said Glorian. "And about time, too."
There was a billboard on the property that advertised 3 Rms Barrow View, Spacious Downstairs
Excellent for Playroom, Etc. A number of prices covered the billboard, each lower than the previous
one, all of them crossed out. Now a poster slashed slantwise from lower left to upper right and
proclaimed Coming Soon! Casa Blanca Condos! Only 6 Left! Below that was the address of the
Frobozz Magic Realty Company, a wholly-owned subsidiary of Frobozzco International.
"As I recall, this used to be a pretty marketable parcel of real estate," said Glorian, leading Mirakles
around behind the house to the east. "There was serious talk of constructing an entire community to go
with it, with a school, a shopping mall, a massive Cosmoplex for car shows and auctions of sofa-sized
art, and all that sort of modern convenience. Today, though, there's still only the house, but at least
Frobozzco seems to be taking an interest in the property."
"What's Frobozzco?" asked Mirakles.
"Well," said Glorian, frowning, "Frobozzco is the parent corporation of a million little specialized
companies, whose board of directors seem to be made up of interlocking combinations of the
Implementors, who function just beneath the Powers That Be, who are supervised by the Autoexec."
"Ah," said the brawny hero. "So if I want to make my mark quickly in this world, I should just skip
all those intermediaries and face down this Autoexec in person."
Glorian and Mirakles walked around the third side of the house, where there was another path back
into the foreboding forest. "I'm not entirely positive that the Autoexec is at the very top of the corporate
ladder, if you understand my meaning. I just know that I get occasional memos from him, and I've
learned not to ignore them. Furthermore, the intermediaries, as you called them, generally won't let
themselves be skipped."
"By Thrag!" shouted the wrathful Mirakles. "What am I supposed to do now?"
"Let's just finish walking around the house. There's a mailbox there that I want to check."
"Fine," said Mirakles sulkily. "And then I want to kill something. I want to rip something to pieces
and then char it over a fire and eat it all bloody and raw in the middle."
Glorian looked off into the distance, where the tall trees were bending in the stiffening breeze. "I