
understudy. Such is the life of an actor.
However, Sorcerer! was a respectable off-Broadway musical, and I had been "resting" (i.e., waiting
tables fifty hours a week) for four months. Although I was only a chorus nymph in Sorcerer!, at least I
was working again. Besides, with any luck, Golly Gee would have an accident—not a fatal accident,
mind you, just a disabling one—and I'd step into the lead role.
Sorcerer! had no plot, and Virtue had the only good songs. The Sorcerer, played by magician Joe
Herlihy, was the centerpiece of the show, which had been conceived and designed around his magic act.
Joe was a highly strung guy whose wife's production company had financed Sorcerer! He was a
competent magician, but he couldn't sing or act, and he was too inexperienced to carry an entire
production comfortably on his shoulders. Although his magic act had improved considerably in recent
weeks, his performance still varied unpredictably. He was losing weight, and he lived in terror of Golly
Gee, who bullied him during rehearsals and upstaged him in performance.
The really worrying thing about working with Joe, though, was that he panicked whenever anything went
wrong, and with all of the changes that are made during the development of a new musical, lots of things
go wrong. Anytime someone missed a cue or bumped into a misplaced piece of scenery, Joe lost his
concentration. So, although I wanted Golly's part, there were days when I was glad that I wasn't the girl
Joe sawed in half eight shows per week.
We were still ironing out the kinks at the end of our first week of public performances the night that Joe
went to pieces. Golly Gee's nasal singing had already inspired a series of tepid-to-scathing reviews, so
she was feeling nasty that night—and Golly wasn't the sort of person who kept it all bottled up inside.
During intermission she accused Joe of nearly immolating her during the flame-throwing routine.
Personally, I wouldn't have blamed him.
However, despite Golly's histrionics, we were getting through the show smoothly for once, and I grew
optimistic as I frolicked around the set dressed as an oversexed wood nymph who never felt the cold.
Joe's concentration was better tonight than it usually was, so this was our best performance to date.
Waiting in the wings during the final scene now, I heard my cue and gamboled onto the stage.
Amid a bucolic forest setting, I capered and cavorted with elves, hobgoblins and faeries. I wriggled
delightedly when a satyr caressed me, biting back a scream at the touch of his ice-cold hands on my skin
as we performed a lift. The satyr grunted as he heaved me overhead. His arms trembled under the strain,
and he glared up at me. I had promised to give up Ben & Jerry's ice cream for the duration of the run; I
had lied.
My long green hair fluttered around us as we twirled around and then subsided onto the floor to gaze at
the Sorcerer with rapturous fascination. This was the point in the story when the Sorcerer, feeling kind of
bitter about things, threatened to make Virtue vanish forever, which would be a pretty sad thing for the
Kingdom (indeed, as one reviewer pointed out, it would then be just like New York City).
All the scantily clad woodland creatures watched while the Sorcerer demonstrated that he was putting
Virtue into a perfectly ordinary crystal cage—the sort of thing you might find in any enchanted forest. I
had spent enough rehearsal time in that cage to feel a little sorry for Golly Gee, who would pass the next
few minutes squeezed into the false bottom like a jellied eel.
My sympathy was limited, though. I was a broke, half-naked understudy in the chorus, and that
overpaid, egotistical slice of cheesecake was going to reappear in a puff of smoke— while the Sorcerer
was busy fighting the handsome Prince— and give a nasal rendition of the best song in the show while I
discreetly exited stage left.