
"A dream is only a dream," the Goddess murmured as Alanna looked skeptical. She added softly,
"Would it be so terrible if Jonathan did come to offer you comfort?"
Alanna blushed. "Of course it would. He—well, there's nothing like that between us. I don't want there
to be."
"Because you fear love," the Goddess told her. "You fear Jonathan's love and the love of the Rogue,
George Cooper. You even fear the love of Myles, who only wants to be your father. Yet what is there
for you to fear? Warmth? Trust? A man's touch?"
"I don't want a man's touch!" Alanna shouted. Horrified, she put out her hands in a gesture of apology.
"I'm sorry. I meant no disrespect. I just want to be a warrior maiden and go on adventures. I don't want
to fall in love, especially not with George or Jon. They'll ask me to give them parts of me. I want to keep
me for myself. I don't want to give me away. Look at my father. He never really got over my mother's
death. They told me when he died last month he was calling for her. He gave her part of himself, and he
just never got it back. That's not going to happen to me." She drew a deep breath. "What's my third fear?
I may as well hear it now and get it over with."
"Roger, Duke of Conte." The Goddess's voice was low, soft and deadly.
Alanna froze. Finally she said carefully (and very quietly), "I have no reason to fear Duke Roger. None at
all." Then she put her head in her hands. "I don't have any reason to fear him—but I do." If she had
doubted her visitor's identity, the fact that she was being so frank—almost against her will—convinced
her. "I hate him!" she yelled suddenly, lifting her face from her hands. It felt good to say it, after all this
time. "You know what I think? The Sweating Sickness. It drained every healer who tried to cure it. It
struck only in the capital, nowhere else, and Jon was the last one to get it. They knew it had to be
sorcerer's work. They sent for Duke Roger to help, but none of them—the King, Myles, Duke Gareth,
Duke Baird—none of them thought Duke Roger might have created it! Thom says Roger is powerful
enough to've sent it from as far as Carthak, where he was, and Thom ought to know." Alanna stood and
strode around inside the shelter of the willow, her hands linked tightly in her belt. "When Roger tested me
for magic, my head felt all funny, as if someone had been digging through my brain with a stick. Thom
wrote me he was being watched up in the City of the Gods. And last summer—"
"Last summer?" the Goddess prompted.
"I don't think Jonathan would have gone near the Black City if Roger hadn't gathered us all to warn us
about how dangerous it was. Jonathan's very responsible about being the Heir; he wouldn't risk his life
foolishly. But Roger was wearing a great blue jewel around his neck. He twisted it while he talked to us,
and the light bouncing off it made me sleepy, till I stopped looking at it. It seemed to me that Roger was
talking only to Jonathan, daring Jon to go to a place where Roger knew he could get killed!" She sighed
and settled back against the tree, feeling better than she had in a long time. "I can't say anything to Jon. I
tried to, once, but he got angry with me. He loves Roger. So does the King. Roger's handsome, young,
clever, a great sorcerer. Everyone thinks he's wonderful. No one stops to think that if something
happened to Jonathan, Roger would be the heir. No one but me, that is."
"What will you do about this third fear?" the Goddess wanted to know. She shooed the kitten off her lap.
"Watch," Alanna said wearily. "Wait. Mostly watch him as carefully as I can. George—the thief—he'll
help. Thom's helping, as much as he can." She had rarely felt this tired in her life. "And if Roger is what I
suspect, I won't stop until I've destroyed him."