robbed of? To say nothing of letting our children grow up with freedom and
elbow room, out where there wasn't a bureaucrat standing behind every
productive worker dreaming up more rules and restrictions? Answer me that?
Mother never answered and we never emigrated,
We were always short of money. Two extra mouths, extra taxes, and no family
assistance for the two extras make the stabilized family income law as poor a
fit as the clothes Mum cut down for us from Dad's old ones. It was darn'
seldom that we could afford to dial for dinner like other people and Dad even
used to bring home any of his lunch that he didn't eat. Mum went back to work
as soon as we twins were in kindergarten, but the only household robot we had
was an obsolete model "Morris Garage" Mother's Helper which was always burning
out valves and took almost as long to program as the job would have taken. Pat
and I got acquainted with dish water and detergents-at least I did; Pat
usually insisted on doing the sterilizing or had a sore thumb or something.
Dad used to talk about the intangible benefits of being poor-learning to
stand on your own feet, building character, and all that. By the time I was
old enough to understand I was old enough to wish they weren't so intangible,
but, thinking back, maybe he had a point. We did have fun. Pat and I raised
hamsters in the service unit and Mum never objected. When we turned the bath
into a chem lab the girls did make unfriendly comments but when Dad put his
foot down, they sweet-talked him into picking it up again and after that they
hung their laundry somewhere else, and later Mum stood between us and the
house manager when we poured acid down the drain and did the plumbing no good.
The only time I can remember when Mum put her foot down was when her brother,
Uncle Steve, came back from Mars and gave us some canal worms which we planned
to raise and sell at a profit. But when Dad stepped on one in the shower (we
had not discussed our plans with him) she made us give them to the zoo, except
the one Dad had stepped on, which was useless. Shortly after that we ran away
from home to join the High Marines-Uncle Steve was a ballistics sergeant-and
when lying about our age did not work and they fetched us back, Mum not only
did not scold us but had fed our snakes and our silkworms while we were gone.
Oh, I guess we were happy. It is hard to tell at the time. Pat and I were
very close and did everything together but I want to get one thing straight:
being a twin is not the Damon-and-Pythias dream that throb writers would have
you think. It makes you close to another person to be born with him, share a
room with him, eat with him, play with him, work with him, and hardly ever do
anything without him as far back as you can remember, and farther according to
witnesses. It makes you close; it makes you almost indispensable to each
other-but it does not necessarily make you love him.
I want to get this straight because there has been a lot of nonsense talked
about it since twins got to be suddenly important. I'm me; I'm not my brother
Pat. I could always tell us apart, even if other people couldn't. He is the
right-handed one; I'm the left-handed one. And from my point of view I'm the
one who almost always got the small piece of cake.
I can remember times when he got both pieces through a fast shuffle. I'm not
speaking in general; I'm thinking of a certain white cake with chocolate icing
and how he confused things so that he got my piece, too, Mum and Dad thinking
he was both of us, despite my protests. Dessert can be the high point of the
day when you are eight, which was what we were then.
I am not complaining about these things...even though I feel a dull lump of
anger even now, after all the years and miles, at the recollection of being
punished because Dad and Mum thought I was the one who was trying to wangle
two desserts. But I'm just trying to tell the truth. Doctor Devereaux said to
write it all down and where I have to start is how it feels to be a twin. You
aren't a twin, are you? Maybe you are but the chances are forty-four to one
that you aren't-not even a fraternal, whereas Pat and I are identicals which
is four times as unlikely.