
The first encounter between utod and man occurred ten years after the birth of Snok Snok. As
Snok Snok said, this encounter was staged on the planet his race called Grudgrodd. Had it
happened on a different planet, had different protagonists been involved, the outcome of the
whole matter might have been other than it was. Had someone ... but there is little point in
embarking on conditionals. There are no "ifs" in history, only in the minds of observers
reviewing it, and for all the progress we make, nobody has proved that chance is other than a
statistical delusion invented by man. We can only say that events between man and utod fell out
in such and such a way.
This narrative will chronicle these events with as little comment as possible, leaving the reader
on his honour to remember that what Quequo said applies as much to man as to aliens: truths
arrive in as many forms as lies.
Grudgrodd looked tolerable enough to the first utods who inspected it.
Autodian star-realm-ark had landed in a wide valley, inhospitable, rocky, cold, and covered
with knee-high thistles for the greater part of its length, but nevertheless closely resembling some
of the benighted spots one happened on in the northern hemisphere of Dapdrof. A pair of grorgs
were sent out through the hatch, to return in half an hour intact and breathing heavily. Odds were,
the place was habitable.
Ceremonial filth was shovelled out on to the ground and the Sacred Cosmopolitan was induced
to excrete out of the hatch, in the universal gesture of fertility.
"I think it's a mistake," he said. The utodian for "a mistake" was Grudgrodd (as far as an atonal
grunt can be rendered at an into terrestrial script), and from then on the planet was known as
Grudgrodd.
Still inclined to protest, the Cosmopolitan stepped out, followed by his three Politans, and the
planet was claimed as an appendage of the Triple Suns.
Four priestlings scurried busily about, clearing a circle in the thistles on the edge of the river.
With all their six limbs deretracted, they worked swiftly, two of them scooping soil out of the
circle, and then allowing the water to trickle in from one side, while the other two trod the
resulting mud into a rich rebarbative treacle.
Watching the work abstractedly with his rear eyes, the Cosmopolitan stood on the edge of the
growing crater and argued as strongly as ever a utod could on the rights and wrongs of landing on
a planet not of the Triple Suns. As strongly as they could, the three Politans argued back.
"The Sacred Feeling is quite clear," said the Cosmopolitan. "As children of the Triple Suns,
our defecations must touch no planets unlit by the Triple Suns; there are limits to all things, even
fertility." He extended a limb upwards, where a large mauve globe as big as an ammp fruit peered
coldly at them over a bank of cloud. "Is that apology for a sun Saffron Smiler? Do you take it for
Welcome White? Can you even mistake it for Yellow Scowler? No, no, my friends, that mauve
misery is an alien, and we waste our substance on it."