7
To further enlarge the ceremony he got down--a bit reluctantly--his copy of The Book: A. J.
Specktowsky's How I Rose From the Dead in My Spare Time and So Can You, a cheap copy
with soft covers, but the only copy he had ever owned; hence he had a sentimental attitude toward it.
Opening at random (a highly approved method) he read over a few familiar paragraphs of the great
twenty-first century Communist theologian's apologia pro vita sua.
"God is not supernatural. His existence was the first and most natural mode of being to form
itself."
True, Ben Tallchief said to himself. As later theological investigation had proved. Specktowsky
had been a prophet as well as a logician; all that he had predicted had turned up sooner or later.
There remained, of course, a good deal to know . . . for example, the cause of the Mentufacturer's
coming into being (unless one was satisfied to believe, with Specktowsky, that beings of that order
were self-creating, and existing outside of time, hence outside of causality). But in the main it was all
there on the many-times-printed pages.
"With each greater circle the power, good and knowledge on the part of God weakened, so that
at the periphery of the greatest circle his good was weak, his knowledge was weak-- too weak for
him to observe the Form Destroyer, which was called into being by God's acts of form creation. The
origin of the Form Destroyer is unclear; it is, for instance, not possible to declare whether (one) he
was a separate entity from God from the start, uncreated by God but also selfcreating, as is God, or
(two) whether the Form Destroyer is an aspect of God, there being nothing--"
He ceased reading, sat sipping scotch and rubbing his forehead semi-wearily. He was forty-two
years old and had read The Book many times. His life, although long, had not added up to much, at
least until now. He had held a variety of jobs, doing a modicum of service to his employers, but
never ever really excelling. Maybe I can begin to excel, he said to himself. On this new assignment.
Maybe this is my big chance.
Forty-two. His age had astounded him for years, and each time that he had sat so astounded,
trying to figure out what had become of the young, slim man in his twenties, a whole additional year
slipped by and had to be recorded, a continually growing sum which he could not reconcile with his
self-image. He still saw himself, in his mind's eye, as youthful, and when he caught sight of himself in
photographs he usually collapsed. For example, he shaved now with an electric razor, unwilling to
gaze at himself in his bathroom mirror. Somebody took my actual physical presence away and
substituted this, he had thought from time to time. Oh well, so it went. He sighed.
Of all his many meager jobs he had enjoyed one alone, and he still meditated about it now and
then. In 2105 he had operated the background music system aboard a huge colonizing ship on its
way to one of the Deneb worlds. In the tape vault he had found all of the Beethoven symphonies
mixed haphazardly in with string versions of Carmen and of Delibes and he had played the Fifth, his
favorite, a thousand times throughout the speaker complex that crept everywhere within the ship,
reaching each cubicle and work area. Oddly enough no one had complained and he had kept on,
finally shifting his loyalty to the Seventh and at last, in a fit of excitement during the final months of the
ship's voyage, to the Ninth--from which his loyalty never waned.
Maybe what I really need is sleep, he said to himself. A sort of twilight of living, with only the
background sound of Beethoven audible. All the rest a blur.
No, he decided; I want to be! I want to act and accomplish something. And every year it
becomes more necessary. Every year, too, it slips further and further away. The thing about the
Mentufacturer, he reflected, is that he can renew everything. He can abort the decay process by
replacing the decaying object with a new one, one whose form is perfect. And then that decays. The
Form Destroyer gets hold of it-- and presently the Mentufacturer replaces that. As with a succession