file:///F|/rah/Frederik%20Pohl/Pohl,%20Frederik%20-%20Heechee%202%20-%20Beyond%20The%20Blue%20Event%20Horizon.txt
"You're a raunchy stud for your age, Wan," the Dead Man offered; and then, "Tell you about
the time I almost got busted for a sex offense? It was hot as hell. I was going home on the late
train to Roselle Park, and this girl came in, sat across the aisle from me, put her feet up, and
began to fan herself with her skirt.
Well, what would you do? I looked, you know. And she kept on doing it, and I kept looking,
and finally around Highlands she complained to the conductor and he threw me off the train. Do you
know what the funny thing was?"
Wan was rapt. "No, Tiny Jim," he breathed.
"The funny thing was I'd missed my regular train. I had time to kill in the city, so I
went to a porn flick. Two hours of, my God, every combination you could think of. The only way I
could've seen more was with a proctoscope, so why was I slouching out over the aisle to peek at
her little white panties? But you know what was funnier than that?"
"No, Tiny Jim."
"She was right! I was staring, all right. I'd just been watching acres of crotches and
boobs, but I couldn't take my eyes off hers! That wasn't the funniest thing, though. Do you want
me to tell you the funniest thing of all?"
"Yes, please, Tiny Jim. I do."
"Why, she got off the train with me! And took me to her home, boy, and we just made out
over and over, all night long. Never did catch her name. What do you say to that, Wan?"
"I say, is that true, Tiny Jim?"
Pause. "Aw. No. You take all the fun out of things."
Wan said severely, "I don't want a made-up story, Tiny Jim. I want to learn facts." Wan
was angry, and thought of turning the Dead Man off to punish him, but was not sure whom he would
be punishing. "I wish you would be nice, Tiny Jim," he coaxed.
"Well-" The bodiless mind clicked and whispered to itself for a moment, sorting through
its conversational gambits. Then it said, "Do you want to know why mallard drakes rape their
mates?"
"No!"
"I think you really do, though, Wan. It's interesting. You can't understand primate
behavior unless you comprehend the whole spectrum of reproductive strategies. Even strange ones.
Even the Acanthocephalan worms. They practice rape, too, and do you know what Moniliformis dubius
does? They not only rape their females, they even rape competing males. With like plaster of
Paris! So the poor Other Worm can't get it up!"
"I don't want to hear all this, Tiny Jim."
"But it's funny, Wan! That must be why they call him `dubius'!" The Dead Man was chuckling
mechanically, a-heh! A-heh!
"Stop it, Tiny Jim!" But Wan was not just angry any more. He was hooked. It was his
favorite subject, as Tiny Jim's willingness to talk about it, at length and in variety, was what
made him Wan's favorite among the Dead Men. Wan unwrapped a food packet and, munching, said, "What
I really want to hear is how to make out, Tiny Jim, please?"
If the Dead Man had had a face it would have shown the strain of trying to keep from
laughing, but he said kindly, "`Kay, sonny. I know you keep hoping. Let's see, did I tell you to
watch their eyes?"
"Yes, Tiny Jim. You said if their pupils dilate it means they are sexually aroused."
"Right. And I mentioned the existence of the sexually dimorphic structures in the brain?"
"I don't think I know what that means, exactly."
"Well, I don't, either, but it's anatomically so. They're different, Wan, inside and out."
"Please, Tiny Jim, keep telling me about the differences!" The Dead Man did, and Wan
listened absorbedly. There was always time to go to the ship, and Tiny Jim was unusually coherent.
All of the Dead Men had their own special subjects that they zeroed in to talk about, as though
each had been frozen with one big thought in his mind. But even on the favored topics you could
not always expect them to make sense. Wan pushed the mobile unit that they used to catch him-when
it was working-out of the way and sprawled on the floor, chin in hands, while the Dead Man
chattered and reminisced and explained courtship, and gifting, and making your move.
It was fascinating, even though he had heard it before. He listened until the Dead Man
slowed down, hesitated, and stopped. Then the boy said, to confirm a theory:
"Teach me, Tiny Jim. I read a book in which a male and a female copulated. He hit her on
the head and copulated her while she was unconscious. That appears to me an efficient way to
`love', Tiny Jim, but in other stories it takes much longer. Why is this?"
"That was not love, sonny. That was what I was telling you about. Rape. Rape is a bad idea
for people, even if it works for mallard ducks."
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