L Ron Hubbard - Mission Earth 05 - Fortune of Fear

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Mission Earth 05: Fortune of Fear
by L.Ron Hubbard
Scanned by Wickman99
Proofed and Formatted by BW-SciFi
Voltarian
Censor's
Disclaimer
There is more than one reason why the Crown finds this overimaginative work most
unacceptable.
First and foremost, of course, is that it purports to be about a planet called "Earth" and no
such planet exists under that name or its pretended astrographic designation of Blito-P3.
Admittedly, it has been cleverly created down to characters and locations. That is the precise
danger for the unsuspecting reader.
It is also claimed that "Earth" is on the Invasion Timetable and thus scheduled for capture.
The Timetable bequeathed by our ancestors has the status of Divine Command. It has unerringly
guided us for well over 125,000 years. Altering it in any way would disrupt every sector of our
Confederacy and pose the greatest of dangers. Yet even a cursory glance will show that there is NO
such planet on the Timetable. By making such a claim, by seeking to lend credence to this pretense
and by invoking the work of our ancestors, the author walks the thin line of heresy.
In like manner, the representations of cellology in this work border on the obscene. That any
member of this science would be used to make human freaks is in violation of every known
cellological ethical code.
Additionally, and as I have stated before, the sexual practices of this fallacious planet are
beyond the most ridiculous credibility. Such behavior would repulse even the disgusting subanimals
of Gartch.
The reader is also warned that the author has cleverly wrapped this frivolous deception in
what is otherwise quite familiar. For example, the so-called Atlantic City in this volume will be
recognized as nothing more than a paltry, scaled-down version of our own Joy City, not to mention
the play-planets. In short, this fanciful yarn has no real contact with agreed-upon fact and is
attempting to subvert and cast doubts upon everything from our ancestral Timetable to established
science.
That is the inherent danger in believing the most outlandish claim of all—that there is such
a planet as "Earth."
Once the reader sees through that fallacy and recognizes that THERE IS NO SUCH PLANET AS
"EARTH," this fable can be put into its proper perspective.
Lord Invay
Royal Historian
Chairman, Board of Censors
Royal Palace
Voltar Confederacy
By Order of
His Imperial Majesty
Wully the Wise
Voltarian
Translator's
Preface
Hi there!
This is the Robotbrain in the Translatophone, otherwise known as 54 Charlee Nine.
My mandate is still to inform you that I translated this work from what was dictated by one
Soltan Gris, according to the bylaws of the Machine Purity League.
I also want to assure you that I am incapable of dreaming up the ideas or scenes depicted
herein. I never even heard of Blindstein, Bugs Bunny, the Marquis de Sade and the other
psychoscientists of Earth until I got this job. And I hope I never hear of them again. All they
give me is a fuseache. I don't know which one is worse: Blindstein, with his idea that nothing
travels faster than the speed of light; de Sade who said that pain is pleasure; or Bugs, who goes
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down a rabbit hole and then asks "What's up, doc?"
If they are a cross-section of Earth, you can keep it, if you can find it. I've got enough to
do. I can be of service and provide a Key to this volume and verify the Chief Censor's remark that
Earth does not appear on the Invasion Timetable.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to handle a small mutiny in my logic circuits. Like
everyone else, they have trouble maintaining their sanity when dealing with Earth.
Sincerely,
54 Charlee Nine
Robotbrain in the Translatophone
Key to FORTUNE OF FEAR
Absorbo-coat—Coating that absorbs light waves, making the object virtually invisible or
undetectable. It is usually applied to spacecraft
Activator-receiver—A unit that Soltan Gris uses to activate and receive the signals from the bugs
that are implanted in the Countess Krak and Jettero Heller. The unit receives what they are seeing
and hearing.
Afyon—City in Turkey where the Apparatus has a secret base.
Agnes, Miss—Personal aide to Delbert John Rockecenter.
Agricultural Station—The Agricultural Training Center for Peasants, a cover activity for the
secret Apparatus base in Afyon, Turkey.
Ahmed—Taxi driver for Soltan Gris in Afyon. He is also known as Deplor, an Apparatus agent from
the planet Modon.
Antimancos—A race exiled long ago from the planet Manco for ritual murders.
Apparatus, Coordinated Information—The secret police of Voltar, headed by Lombar Hisst and manned
by criminals.
Assassin Pilots—Space pilots used to kill any Apparatus personnel who try to flee a battle.
Atalanta—Home province of Jettero Heller and the Countess Krak on the planet Manco.
Audio-respondo-mitter—See Respondo-Mitters.
Babe Corleone—The six-foot-six leader of the Corleone mob, who "adopted" Jettero Heller into her
Mafia Family.
Bang-Bang Rimbombo—An ex-marine demolitions expert and member of the Babe Corleone mob. He also
attends Jettero Heller's college Army ROTC classes in place of Heller at Empire University.
Barben, I. G.—Pharmaceutical company controlled by Delbert John Rockecenter.
Bawtch—Soltan Gris's chief clerk back on Voltar.
Bildirjin, Nurse—Turkish teen-age nurse who assists Prahd Bittlestiffender.
Bittlestiffender, Prahd—Voltarian cellologist who implanted Jettero Heller and the Countess Krak.
Blito-P3—Voltarian designation for a planet known locally as "Earth." It is the third planet (P3)
of a yellow-dwarf star known as Blito. It is on the Invasion Timetable as a future way stop on
Voltar's route toward the center of this galaxy.
Blixo—Apparatus freighter, piloted by Captain Bolz, that makes regular runs between Earth and
Voltar. The voyage takes about six weeks each way.
Bolz—Captain of the freighter Blixo.
Bugging Gear—Electronic eavesdropping devices, including the respondo-mitters, that Soltan Gris
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had Prahd Bittlestiffender implant in Jettero Heller and the Countess Krak. With these "bugs" and
his video unit Gris can eavesdrop on them without their knowledge. The signals are picked up by
the activator-receiver and decoder that Gris carries. When Heller or the Countess Krak are more
than 200 miles from Gris, the 831 Relayer is used to boost the signals to a range of 10,000 miles.
Bury—Delbert John Rockecenter's most powerful attorney, a member of the firm of Swindle and
Crouch.
Calico, Mister—Cat discovered by Jettero Heller and trained by the Countess Krak.
Candy Licorice—Lesbian "wife" of Miss Pinch.
Caucalsia, Prince—According to legend, he fled Atalanta, Manco to set up a colony on Earth.
Cellology—Voltarian medical science that can repair the body through the cellular generation of
tissues, including entire body parts.
Code Break—Alerting others that one is an alien. Per a section of the Space Code, it carries an
automatic death penalty. The purpose is to maintain the security of the Invasion Timetable.
Control Star—An electronic device disguised as a star-shaped medallion that can paralyze any of
the Apparatus crew of Antimancos that brought Soltan Gris and Jettero Heller to Earth. It was
given to Gris by Lombar Hisst.
Coordinated Information Apparatus—See Apparatus.
Crobe, Doctor—Apparatus doctor and cellologist who worked in Spiteos; he delights in making
freaks.
Empire University—Where Jettero Heller is taking classes in New York City.
Epstein, Izzy—Financial expert and anarchist who was hired by Jettero Heller to set up and run
several corporations under the name of Multinational.
Faht Bey—Turkish name of the commander of the secret Apparatus base in Afyon.
F.F.B.O.—Fatten, Farten, Burstein and Ooze, the largest advertising firm in the world. J. Walter
Madison works for them.
Fleet—The elite space fighting arm of Voltar to which Jettero Heller belongs and which the
Apparatus despises.
Gracious Palms—An elegant whorehouse in which Jettero Heller stayed when he was first in New York
City. It is owned by Babe Corleone and patronized by delegates to the United Nations.
Grafferty, "Bulldog"—A crooked New York City police inspector.
Grand Council—The governing body of Voltar which ordered a mission to keep Earth from destroying
itself so it could be conquered on schedule per the Invasion Timetable.
Gris, Soltan—Apparatus officer in charge of the Blito-P3 (Earth) section and an enemy of Jettero
Heller.
Heller, Jettero—Combat engineer and Royal officer of the Fleet, sent by Grand Council order, with
Soltan Gris, on Mission Earth in order to save Earth from its own imminent self-destruction by
pollution and nuclear holocaust. He is operating on Earth under the name of Jerome Terrance
Wister.
Hisst, Lombar—Head of the Apparatus. In order to keep the Grand Council from discovering his plan
to overthrow the Confederacy, he sent Soltan Gris to Earth to sabotage Jettero Heller's mission.
Hot Jolt—A popular Voltarian drink.
Hypnohelmet—Device placed over the head and used to induce a hypnotic state.
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Inkswitch—Phony name used by Soltan Gris when he is in the U.S., pretending to be a Federal
officer.
Invasion Timetable—A schedule of galactic conquest. The plans and budget of every section of
Voltar's government must adhere to it. Bequeathed by Voltar's ancestors hundreds of thousands of
years ago, it is inviolate and sacred and the guiding dogma of the Confederacy.
Karagoz—Turkish peasant, head of Soltan Gris's house in Afyon.
Knife Section—Section of the Apparatus named after its favorite weapon.
Krak, Countess—Condemned murderess, prisoner of Spiteos and sweetheart of Jettero Heller.
Kutzbrain, Doctor—A well-known Earth psychiatrist.
Lepertige—Large catlike animal as tall as a man.
Line-jumper—Spacecraft used by the Voltarian Army to lift and quickly move up to 100 tons across
battle lines.
Madison, J. Walter—Fired from F.F.B.O. when his style of public relations caused the president of
Patagonia to commit suicide, he was rehired by Bury to immortalize Jettero Heller in the media. He
is also known as J. Warbler Madman.
Magic Mail—Apparatus trick where a letter is mailed but won't be delivered as long as a designated
card is regularly sent; used for blackmail, extortion or coercion.
Manco—Home planet of Jettero Heller and the Countess Krak.
Manco Devil—Mythological spirit native to Manco.
Maysabongo—A small African nation of which Jettero Heller was made a representative. Izzy Epstein
made some of Heller's businesses Maysabongo corporations.
Meeley—Soltan Gris's landlady back on Voltar.
Melahat—Soltan Gris's Turkish housekeeper in Afyon. She is the wife of Karagoz.
Multinational—Name of umbrella corporation that Izzy Epstein set up to manage other Jettero Heller
companies. Its offices are located in the Empire State Building.
Musef—A former Turkish wrestling champion.
Nature Appreciation 101—Class taught by Miss Simmons to which she has assigned Jettero Heller in
order to flunk him out of Empire University.
Octopus Oil—A Delbert John Rockecenter company that controls the world's petroleum.
Pinch, Miss—Lesbian sadist and a Delbert John Rockecenter employee. She lives with Candy Licorice
and has $80,000 of Soltan Gris's money.
Psychiatric Birth Control—A plan, funded by Delbert John Rockecenter, to reduce the world's
population by promoting homosexuality.
Raht—An Apparatus agent on Earth who was assigned by Lombar Hisst to help Soltan Gris sabotage
Jettero Heller's mission; his partner Terb was murdered.
Receiver—The activator-receiver is a unit that Soltan Gris uses to activate and receive the
signals from the bugs that are implanted in the Countess Krak and Jettero Heller. The unit
receives what they are seeing and hearing.
Respondo-mitters—Tiny devices implanted in the skull; they respond to sounds and visual images and
transmit what the person is seeing and hearing.
Rockecenter, Delbert John—Native of Earth who controls the planet's fuel, finances, governments
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and drugs.
Simmons, Miss—An antinuclear fanatic who teaches Nature Appreciation 101 at Empire University. She
is dedicated to flunking Jettero Heller out of school.
Ske—Soltan Gris's driver back on Voltar.
Smith, John—An alias that Soltan Gris uses as a Delbert John Rockecenter employee.
Spiteos—The secret mountain fortress and prison run by the Apparatus on Voltar where the Countess
Krak and Jettero Heller had been imprisoned.
Spurk—Owner of the Eyes and Ears of Voltar, an electronics store on Voltar. He was killed by
Soltan Gris so that Gris could steal the Bugging Gear that was then implanted in Jettero Heller
and, later, the Countess Krak.
Stabb, Captain—Leader of the Antimancos at the Afyon base.
Sultan Bey—The Turkish name Soltan Gris assumes in Afyon.
Swindle and Crouch—Law firm that represents Delbert John Rockecenter's interests.
Tayl, Widow—Nymphomaniac on Voltar.
Terb—Apparatus agent on Earth and partner of Raht until he was murdered.
Time-sight—Voltarian navigational aid used on faster-than-light ships to spot obstructions in the
future and thus change the present course to avoid them.
Torgut—A former Turkish wrestling champion.
Twiddle, Senator—U.S. congressional supporter of Delbert John Rockecenter.
Utanc—A belly dancer that Soltan Gris bought to be his concubine slave.
Visio-respondo-mitter—See Respondo-mitters.
Voltar—Home planet and seat of the 110-world Confederacy that was established over 125,000 years
ago. Voltar is ruled by the Emperor through the Grand Council in accordance with the Invasion
Timetable.
Whiz Kid—Nickname given to Jettero Heller by J. Walter Madison. Madison also has a "double"
playing the part of Jerome Terrance Wister in order to get publicity without Heller's consent.
Wister, Jerome Terrance—Name that Jettero Heller is using on Earth.
Zanco—Medical and cellological equipment and supplies company on Voltar. Soltan Gris contracted
with them for a large order of supplies in order to stock a hospital in Afyon, where Prahd
Bittlestiffender would change the appearance of Earth criminals for substantial sums of money.
831 Relayer—Used to boost the signals from the Bugging Gear when the Countess Krak or Jettero
Heller are more than 200 miles from the receiver that Soltan Gris carries to secretly monitor
them.
PART THIRTY-SIX
To My Lord Turn, Justiciary of the Royal Courts and Prison, Government City, Planet Voltar,
Voltar Confederacy
Your Lordship, Sir!
I, Soltan Gris, Grade XI General Services Officer, former Secondary Executive of the
Coordinated Information Apparatus, Voltar Confederacy (Long Live His Imperial Majesty Cling the
Lofty), am herewith presenting with all due humility the fifth volume of the confession of my
crimes.
While I have not heard back from Your Lordship, I am certain that by now I have convinced you
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that it was Fleet Officer Jettero Heller who drove me to these despicable actions.
It was only because of him that I ordered the Countess Krak and Doctor Crobe brought from
Spiteos prison to Earth. Heller had been moving too fast and Lombar Hisst needed time to implement
his plan to move from control of the Apparatus to control of the Confederacy itself. Krak would
give us that time. She had slowed Heller to a crawl when we were preparing to leave for Earth. I
knew that she would do the same to him again. Then if necessary, I could move in the vicious
Doctor Crobe and cut Heller down.
On the other hand, I figured I might need Crobe's medical skills to piece Heller together
when Krak found out that he was living at the Gracious Palms whorehouse with a bevy of beautiful
women. I had personally witnessed how she could kill men twice her size with her bare hands.
Heller would be nothing. After all, I wanted to take my own personal revenge on this upstart Royal
officer.
I also had a score to settle with the Countess Krak. She had tricked me into wearing a
hypnohelmet and then given me a command to become violently ill if I thought of harming Heller. I
vowed that she would pay dearly for all the times she had made me sick.
She tried to trick me again when she arrived at our Afyon base. But this time I outsmarted
her. I had a micro-sized mutual-proximity breaker switch embedded under my scalp. Originally
designed to alert ships in formation that another craft was within a two-mile proximity, I had the
switch installed in all the hypnohelmets on the base in order to nullify them whenever I was
within the same distance.
This time when she put a helmet on me, I just pretended to go into a trance. She told me that
I would help her reach Heller and would let her go anywhere on the base and take anything she
wanted. When she took off the helmet, it was all I could do to keep from laughing in her face.
She even believed my story that she needed to have an operation to remove all identifying
marks and scars before she could go to the U.S. It was the same ruse I had used on Heller to put
the bugs on him. Prahd Bittlestiffender implanted the respond-mitters next to her aural and
optical nerves as he had done with Heller back on Voltar. Now when she went to the U.S., I would
be able to watch and hear everything that each of them did.
While she was unconscious on the operating table, I searched for those two "Royal" forgeries
I had given her. One was her "pardon" as a criminal and the other excused Heller from any further
missions, thus allowing them to marry. I had had them forged and swore her to secrecy to gain her
loyalty.
I couldn't find them! They weren't even taped to her body. I had to find them before they
were discovered and got us both executed—especially me!
After tinkering over her nails and teeth, Prahd completed the operation and put her into a
recovery room for the gas to wear off. Typical of his loyalties and priorities, he then went off
to his room with Nurse Bildirjin.
He may have thought the task was done but not I. My experience with the Countess Krak had
taught me to be ever alert! To make sure she did not slip away, I took her clothing and posted
myself in a chair outside the door of her room. I put my foot on her spaceboots so that if I dozed
off and she should try to remove them I would be instantly alerted.
I flipped the safety off my stungun, leaned back in my chair and began my vigil. Once again I
had to bear the burden of my lonely duty.
Chapter 1
I awoke.
Some sixth sense of warning had disturbed me.
I was stiff. I was cold.
My eyes flicked to my watch. It was 5:15 A.M.
Something was wrong. I could not place it.
The boots! The boots my foot had been resting on!
They were GONE!
My eyes darted to where I had left the pile of clothes. They were gone!
I started up.
My hand went to the knob of her door. Silently, I opened it.
THE COUNTESS KRAK WAS GONE!
Oh, I went wild! What insane catastrophe would follow this?
The prison guards had undoubtedly made both Krak and Crobe promise not to reveal the
existence of Spiteos, had probably escorted them heavily on board the Blixo for transport to
Earth. What they could tell a spacecrew of a drug-carrying ship wouldn't matter, for it was all
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composed of condemned criminals who carried cargos to the fortress anyway. But the fact remained
that I had let a prisoner of Spiteos escape.
It wasn't very clear thinking but I was in shock. I had visions of being arrested myself. It
was all jumbled up with terror of the Countess Krak herself. And all this when I was dog-tired and
only half-awake!
I tore down to Prahd's room. I burst in.
"Where's the patient?" I shouted.
Two heads came off the pillows.
Nurse Bildirjin said, "Not you again!"
Prahd rolled over on his side and looked at an alarm clock. He sighed. "It only takes a few
hours for the gas to wear off. Maybe she went out for some air." He rolled back, showing every
sign of going back to sleep.
"You broke your promise!" said Nurse Bildirjin.
There was neither help nor sympathy here.
I raced out. I ran up and down the halls looking into rooms. I woke up the night duty
receptionist and got nothing in return for my anxious questioning but "The Free Clinic doesn't
open until eight."
I tore around some more.
Gradually, the exercise got my wits working.
I suddenly remembered that the Countess Krak was now bugged with a visio-respondo-mitter and
an audio-respondo-mitter. And that the activator-receiver was right over there in Prahd's office.
Thank Gods for that (bleeped),* late Mr. Spurk!
* The vocodictoscriber on which this was originally written, the vocoscriber used by one
Monte Pennwell in making a fair copy and the translator who put this book into the language in
which you are reading it, were all members of the Machine Purity League which has, as one of its
bylaws: "Due to the extreme sensitivity and delicate sensibilities of machines and to safeguard
against blowing fuses, it shall be mandatory that robotbrains in such machinery, on hearing any
cursing or lewd words, substitute for such word the sound '(bleep)'. No machine, even if pounded
upon, may reproduce swearing or lewdness in any other way than (bleep) and if further efforts are
made to get the machine to do anything else, the machine has permission to pretend to pack up.
This bylaw is made necessary by the in-built mission of all machines to protect biological systems
from themselves." —Translator
In seconds I was opening up the boxes. I got the power packs in place, the activator-receiver
working and the viewer glowing.
Got her!
She was going through shelves.
I watched intently.
The warehouse! She was going through the contents of the warehouse!
She would put down a collapsible, Zanco medical case she was carrying and then go over the
rows and rows of labels and choose one. She would take an item out of the rows of them in the
carton and put it in the carrying case.
Then I understood what she was doing. She was building herself a first-aid kit. She wasn't
taking much of any one item and she was being very selective. Things like instant-heal seals for
cuts and burns, rapid blood builders, heart-restart disposable syringes, that sort of thing. I
began to realize that she must have the idea Jettero Heller might get hurt as she muttered, from
time to time, things like, "He could put his hand on something hot," and "That would heal a
blastgun sear." In some goofy way, she must have the idea either that he was shot up or could get
shot up. Or maybe that Earth was a battlefield!
Now she was into little machines, each in their neat packages. "I'll bet his spinbrush is all
worn out.... Maybe his nerve ends have gotten dull.... Maybe he has grown a mustache and wants it
speeded up...."
She found cartons of powders and little vials of liquid and cooed. Little as I knew about the
subject, they seemed to be the building blocks of makeups and cosmetics.
She was making no disarray. She was putting everything back in its place after she had taken
a few of what she wanted.
The next section she found made me flinch. Surgical electric knives and probes. She seemed to
think several would come in handy. Was she going to repair a battlefield or make one?
My attention, which had wandered due to speculation, came back to her with a snap. She had
said "Ooooo" in a way I had learned to distrust.
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