62 (BS) - Oh No It Isn't!

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T H E N E W

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

A D V E N T U R E S

OH NO IT ISN'T!

Paul Cornell

First published in Great Britain in 1997 by

Virgin Publishing Ltd

332 Ladbroke Grove

London W10 5AH

The right of Paul Cornell to be identified as the Author of

this Work has been asserted by him in accordance with the

Bernice Summerfield originally created by Paul Cornell

Cover illustration by Jon Sullivan

ISBN 0 426 20507 3

Typeset by Galleon Typesetting, Ipswich

Printed and bound in Great Britain by

Mackays of Chatham PLC

All characters in this publication are fictitious and any resemblance

to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall

not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, resold, hired

out or otherwise circulated without the publisher's prior

written consent in any form of binding or cover other

than that in which it is published and without a similar

condition including this condition being imposed on the

subsequent purchaser. So there.

Scanned by The Camel

Contents

CHAPTER 1 PORTERHATCH BLUES ........................................................................................................ 8

CHAPTER 2 NEW ADVENTURES, NEW DANGER ................................................................................... 18

CHAPTER 3 A COMEDY TONIGHT ............................................................................................................ 28

CHAPTER 4 WHAT KIND OF A-Z WOULD GET YOU HERE? ................................................................... 40

CHAPTER 5 BEAUTY AND BERNICE ........................................................................................................ 50

CHAPTER 6 A WHOLE NEW BALL GAME ................................................................................................. 58

CHAPTER 7 FAIRY STORIES .................................................................................................................... 66

CHAPTER 8 ANOTHER BREAK IN THE NARRATIVE ............................................................................... 77

CHAPTER 9 JUST DESERTS AND DEEPER PLOTS, AND DEADLY DANGER LOOMING . . . LOTS! .... 85

CHAPTER 10 RAIDERS OF THE SEVEN DWARVES .................................................................................. 87

CHAPTER 11 'SCUSE ME WHILE I RIP THE SKY ....................................................................................... 97

CHAPTER 12 IMMINENT DESTRUCTION GRIEF ....................................................................................... 104

CHAPTER 13 A CAT IN HELL'S CHANCE .................................................................................................... 110

EPILOGUE MOMENTS OF PLEASURE .................................................................................................... 118

Thanks to Gareth Roberts and Penny List, Jackie Mulligan, Jac Rayner and Steven Moffat, without

whom there would be no book and no me.

Thanks also to: Russell Davies, Jason Haigh-Ellery, Craig Hinton, Matt Jones, Rebecca Levene,

Claire Longhurst, John McLaughlin, Paul Marquess, Carrie O'Grady, Kate Orman, Dave Owen, Gary

Russell, Carla Tsampiras, Sam Walke, Jo Ware, Peter Ware, and Mark Wyman.

For Jac Rayner

Laughter is a celebration of our failings. That's what

clowns are for. And that's what I am.

Emma Thompson

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