file:///G|/Program%20Files/eMule/Incoming/Tom%20Easton%20-%20Real%20Men%20Don't%20Bark%20at%20Fire%20Hydrants.txt
Bert followed him into the hallway before asking, "What are you
researching?"
"God knows. Answers, I guess. Why those cops came around to lean on me.
What that hydrant-woofer thought he was up to. Whatever. Or maybe I'm just not
working on that proposal."
Eyes hidden by dark glasses, back straight, one hand on the harness handle,
Mickey Gorgonzola was every inch a blind man. Yet he saw it all, and a sense
that somehow the rules that had always governed his world had changed told him
that if he did not run across another hydrant-woofer, he would surely find
something just as strange.
For the moment, he saw nothing unusual, though there were certainly plenty
of fire hydrants. He had never realized how many of them adorned the city's
streets, as if they grew like mushrooms after rain.
Near the corner, facing each other across a wire-mesh litter receptacle,
two hard-hatted construction workers screamed insults at each other. Ten feet
beyond them a hydrant leaked a shallow puddle from one of its firehose
connectors. A young woman in a tight sweater, a short skirt, and rose-patterned
panty hose rolled a newspaper into a tight cylinder, leaned over the hydrant,
lifted the rolled paper, and belted it across the leaky connector. "Bad!" she
cried. "Bad dog!" She hit it again.
When her paper was a soggy ruin, she straightened up, crossed the few feet
that separated her from the city's wastebasket, and chucked it in. Then she
grinned at the gaping construction workers, dusted one hand against the other,
and stepped into the crosswalk.
Did that strolling executive look familiar? He had the silvery sideburns,
the attache case, the freshly pressed suit. But there was another, and another,
as alike as the proverbial peas. Mickey could not possibly be sure unless one of
the dozens and hundreds and thousands of corporate look-alikes went down on his
knees and began to howl at a hydrant.
Not one of them obliged, even though there were plenty of hydrants
available. Space aliens welcome. Instant service. No waiting.
On the other hand, there didn't seem to be any lack of strange people on
the loose today. He had never before seen anyone scold a fire hydrant for
leaking, just as he had never seen anyone bark at one. Now he had seen both in
two days.
He was near the city's park when he saw a thirtyish man clad in a brown
sweater over gray slacks walking backwards and singing an unrecognizable tune.
The words--"N-aye-sh-nus eim raa oo-ie..."--seemed nonsense until Mickey played
them backwards in his mind.
The singer did not seem to notice when Mickey began to follow. He kept
singing as he threaded his way among the other pedestrians, and when he reached
the corner he stopped just as if he could see where he was going.
That was when a business executive, carrying a gleaming attache case,
flagged a passing cab and, as the cab's door swung open, faced the singer, bowed
low, and barked once.
Before Mickey could react, the executive was in the cab and disappearing
into the city's depths.
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