Cory Doctorow - The Super Man and Bugout

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The Super Man and the Bugout

Cory Doctorow

From "A Place So Foreign and Eight More," a short story collection published in

September, 2003 by Four Walls Eight Windows Press (ISBN 1568582862). See

http://craphound.com/place for more.

Originally published in On Spec, Fall 2001

"It is certainly worth noting that the story in this issue which flagrantly

violates the length limit, Cory Doctorow's 'The Super Man and the Bugout,' at

close to 10,000 words, is also by far the best story... The story is both very

funny, and a portrayal of a quite believable non-human human being."

- Rich Horton,

Tangent Online

http://www.tangentonline.com/reviews/magazine.php3?review=463

Blurbs and quotes:

* Cory Doctorow straps on his miner's helmet and takes you deep into the

caverns and underground rivers of Pop Culture, here filtered through SF-coloured

glasses. Enjoy.

- Neil Gaiman

Author of American Gods and Sandman

* Few writers boggle my sense of reality as much as Cory Doctorow. His vision

is so far out there, you'll need your GPS to find your way back.

- David Marusek

Winner of the Theodore Sturgeon Award, Nebula Award nominee

* Cory Doctorow is one of our best new writers: smart, daring, savvy,

entertaining, ambitious, plugged-in, and as good a guide to the wired world of

the twenty-first century that stretches out before us as you're going to find.

- Gardner Dozois

Editor, Asimov's SF

* He sparkles! He fizzes! He does backflips and breaks the furniture! Science

fiction needs Cory Doctorow!

- Bruce Sterling

Author of The Hacker Crackdown and Distraction

* Cory Doctorow strafes the senses with a geekspeedfreak explosion of gomi kings

with heart, weirdass shapeshifters from Pleasure Island and jumping automotive

jazz joints. If this is Canadian science fiction, give me more.

- Nalo Hopkinson

Author of Midnight Robber and Brown Girl in the Ring

* Cory Doctorow is the future of science fiction. An nth-generation hybrid of

the best of Greg Bear, Rudy Rucker, Bruce Sterling and Groucho Marx, Doctorow

composes stories that are as BPM-stuffed as techno music, as idea-rich as the

latest issue of NEW SCIENTIST, and as funny as humanity's efforts to improve

itself. Utopian, insightful, somehow simultaneously ironic and heartfelt, these

nine tales will upgrade your basal metabolism, overwrite your cortex with new

and efficient subroutines and generally improve your life to the point where

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you'll wonder how you ever got along with them. Really, you should need a

prescription to ingest this book. Out of all the glittering crap life and our

society hands us, craphound supreme Doctorow has managed to fashion some

industrial-grade art."

- Paul Di Filippo

Author of The Steampunk Trilogy

* As scary as the future, and twice as funny. In this eclectic and electric

collection Doctorow strikes sparks off today to illuminate tomorrow, which is

what SF is supposed to do. And nobody does it better.

- Terry Bisson

Author of Bears Discover Fire

A note about this story

This story is from my collection, "A Place So Foreign and Eight More," published

by Four Walls Eight Windows Press in September, 2003, ISBN 1568582862. I've

released this story, along with five others, under the terms of a Creative

Commons license that gives you, the reader, a bunch of rights that copyright

normally reserves for me, the creator.

I recently did the same thing with the entire text of my novel, "Down and Out in

the Magic Kingdom" (http://craphound.com/down), and it was an unmitigated

success. Hundreds of thousands of people downloaded the book -- good news -- and

thousands of people bought the book -- also good news. It turns out that, as

near as anyone can tell, distributing free electronic versions of books is a

great way to sell more of the paper editions, while simultaneously getting the

book into the hands of readers who would otherwise not be exposed to my work.

I still don't know how it is artists will earn a living in the age of the

Internet, but I remain convinced that the way to find out is to do basic

science: that is, to do stuff and observe the outcome. That's what I'm doing

here. The thing to remember is that the very *worst* thing you can do to me as

an artist is to not read my work -- to let it languish in obscurity and

disappear from posterity. Most of the fiction I grew up on is out-of-print, and

this is doubly true for the short stories. Losing a couple bucks to people who

would have bought the book save for the availability of the free electronic text

is no big deal, at least when compared to the horror that is being irrelevant

and unread. And luckily for me, it appears that giving away the text for free

gets me more paying customers than it loses me.

You can find the canonical version of this file at

http://craphound.com/place/download.php

If you'd like to convert this file to some other format and distribute it, you

have my permission, provided that:

* You don't charge money for the distribution

* You keep the entire text intact, including this notice, the license below, and

the metadata at the end of the file

* You don't use a file-format that has "DRM" or "copy-protection" or any other

form of use-restriction turned on

If you'd like, you can advertise the existence of your edition by posting a link

to it at http://craphound.com/place/000017.php

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The Super Man and the Bugout

============================

"Mama, I'm _not_ a super-villain," Hershie said for the millionth time. He

chased the last of the gravy on his plate with a hunk of dark rye, skirting the

shriveled derma left behind from his kishka. Ever since the bugouts had inducted

Earth into their Galactic Federation, promising to end war, crime, and

corruption, he'd found himself at loose ends. His adoptive Earth-mother, who'd

named him Hershie Abromowicz, had talked him into meeting her at her favorite

restaurant in the heart of Toronto's Gaza Strip.

"Not a super-villain, he says. Listen to him: mister big-stuff. Well,

smartypants, if you're not a super-villain, what was that mess on the television

last night then?"

A busboy refilled their water, and Hershie took a long sip, staring off into the

middle distance. Lately, he'd taken to avoiding looking at his mother: her

infra-red signature was like a landing-strip for a coronary, and she wouldn't

let him take her to one of the bugout clinics for nanosurgery.

Mrs. Abromowicz leaned across the table and whacked him upside the head with one

hand, her big rings clicking against the temple of his half-rim specs. Had it

been anyone else, he would have caught her hand mid-slap, or at least dodged in

a superfast blur, quicker than any human eye. But his Mama had let him know what

she thought of _that_ sass before his third birthday. Raising super-infants

requires strict, _loving_ discipline. "Hey, wake up! Hey! I'm talking to you!

What was that mess on television last night?"

"It was a demonstration, Mama. We were protesting. We want to dismantle the

machines of war -- it's in the Torah, Mama. Isaiah: they shall beat their swords

into ploughshares and their spears into pruning hooks. Tot would have approved."

Mrs. Abromowicz sucked air between her teeth. "Your father never would have

approved of _that_."

_That_ was the Action last night. It had been his idea, and he'd tossed it

around with the Movement people who'd planned the demo: they'd gone to an

army-surplus store and purchased hundreds of decommissioned rifles, their bores

filled with lead, their firing pins defanged. He'd flown above and ahead of the

demonstration, in his traditional tights and cape, dragging a cargo net full of

rifles from his belt. He pulled them out one at a time, and bent them into

balloon-animals -- fanciful giraffes, wiener-dogs, bumble-bees, poodles -- and

passed them out the crowds lining Yonge Street. It had been a boffo smash hit.

And it made great TV.

Hershie Abromowicz, Man from the Stars, took his mother's hands between his own

and looked into her eyes. "Mama, I'm a grown man. I have a job to do. It's like

. . . like a calling. The world's still a big place, bugouts or no bugouts, and

there's lots of people here who are crazy, wicked, with their fingers on the

triggers. I care about this planet, and I can't sit by when it's in danger."

"But why all of a sudden do you have to be off with these _meshuggenahs_? How

come you didn't _need_ to be with the crazy people until now?"

"Because there's a _chance_ now. The world is ready to rethink itself. Because

--" The waiter saved him by appearing with the cheque. His mother started to

open her purse, but he had his debitcard on the table faster than the eye could

follow. "It's on me, Ma."

"Don't be silly. I'll pay."

"I _want_ to. Let me. A son should take his mother out to lunch once in a

while."

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She smiled, for the first time that whole afternoon, and patted his cheek with

one manicured hand. "You're a good boy, Hershie, I know that. I only want that

you should be happy, and have what's best for you."

Hershie, in tights and cape, was chilling in his fortress of solitude when his

comm rang. He checked the callerid and winced: Thomas was calling, from Toronto.

Hershie's long-distance bills were killing him, ever since the Department of

Defense had cut off his freebie account.

Not to mention that talking to Thomas inevitably led to more trouble with his

mother.

He got up off of his crystalline recliner and flipped the comm open, floating up

a couple of metres. "Thomas, what's up?"

"Supe, didja see the reviews? The critics _love_ us!"

Hersh held the comm away from his head and sighed the ancient, put-upon Hebraic

sigh of his departed stepfather. Thomas Aquino Rusk liked to play at being a

sleazy Broadway producer, his "plays" the eye-catching demonstrations he and his

band of merry shit-disturbers hijacked.

"Yeah, it made pretty good vid, all right." He didn't ask why Thomas was

calling. There was only one reason he _ever_ called: he'd had another idea.

"You'll never guess why I called."

"You've had an idea."

"I've had an idea!"

"Really."

"You'll love it."

Hershie reached out and stroked the diamond-faceted coffins that his birth

parents lay in, hoping for guidance. His warm fingers slicked with melted

hoarfrost, and as they skated over the crypt, it sang a pure, high crystal note

like a crippled flying saucer plummeting to the earth. "I'm sure I will,

Thomas."

As usual, Thomas chose not to hear the sarcasm in his voice. "Check this out --

DefenseFest 33 is being held in Toronto in March. And the new keynote speaker is

the Patron Ik'Spir Pat! The fricken head fricken bugout! His address is

'Galactic History and Military Tactics: a Strategic Overview.'"

"And this is a good thing?"

"Ohfuckno. It's terrible, terrible, of course. The bugouts are selling us out.

Going over to the Other Side. Just awful. But think of the possibilities!"

"But think of the possibilities? Oy." Despite himself, Hershie was smiling.

Thomas always made him smile.

"You're smiling, aren't you?"

"Shut up, Thomas."

"Can you make a meeting at the Belquees for 18h?"

Hershie checked his comm. It was 1702h. "I can make it."

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