Jack Handley - Further Deep Thoughts
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2024-11-19
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FURTHER DEEP THOUGHTS
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FURTHER DEEP
THOUGHTS
BY JACK HANDEY
Get any book for free on: www.Abika.com
FURTHER DEEP THOUGHTS
Get any book for free on: www.Abika.com
2
1. Once, when I was in Hawaii, on the island of Kauai, I met a
mysterious old stranger. He said he was about to die and wanted to
tell someone about the treasure. I said, "Okay, as long as it's
not a long story. Some of us have a plane to catch, you know." He
started telling his story, about the treasure and his life and
all, and I thought: "This story isn't too long." But then, he kept
going, and I started thinking, "Uh-oh, this story is getting
long." But then, the story was over, and I said to myself: "You
know, that story wasn't too long after all." I forget what the
story was about, but there was a good movie on the plane. It was a
little long, though.
2. Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful
flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's
carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a
very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk.
3. If I ever do a book on the Amazon, I hope I am able to bring a
certain lightheartedness to the subject, in a way that tells the
reader we are going to have fun with this thing.
4. Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my
first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an
ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.
5. You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who
makes people happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe
diarrhea.
6. I bet a fun thing would be to go back in time to where there was
going to be an eclipse and tell the cave men, "If I have come to
destroy you, may the sun be blotted out from the sky." Just then
the eclipse would start, and they'd probably try to kill you or
something, but then you could explain about the rotation of the
moon and all, and everyone would have a good laugh.
7. I think in one of my previous lives I was a mighty king, because I
like people to do what I say.
8. Today I accidentally stepped on a snail on the sidewalk in front
of our house. And thought, I too am like that snail. I build a
defensive wall around myself, a "shell" if you will. But my shell
isn't made out of a hard, protective substance. Mine is made out
of tinfoil and paper bags.
FURTHER DEEP THOUGHTS
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9. One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to
take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead drove him to an
old, burned-out warehouse. "Oh no," I said, "Disneyland burned
down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought
it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real
Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.
10. If you're ever stuck in some thick undergrowth, in your underwear,
don't stop and start thinking of what other words have "under" in
them, because that's probably the first sign of jungle madness.
11. Sometimes the beauty of the world is so overwhelming, I just want
to throw back my head and gargle. Just gargle and gargle, and I
don't care who hears me, because I am beautiful.
12. I think a good movie would be about a guy who's a brain scientist,
but he gets hit on the head and it damages the part of the brain
that makes you want to study the brain.
13. It's not good to let any kid near a container that has a skull and
crossbones on it, because there might be a skeleton costume inside
and the kid could put it on and really scare you.
14. If you had a school for professional fireworks people, I don't
think you could cover fuses in just one class. It's just too rich
a subject.
15. People think it would be fun to be a bird because you could fly.
But they forget the negative side, which is the preening.
16. When I think back on all the blessings I have been given in my
life, I can't think of a single one, unless you count that
rattlesnake that granted me all those wishes.
17. Sometimes I think the world has gone completely mad. And then I
think, "Aw, who cares?" And then I think, "Hey, what's for
supper?"
18. If you ever discover that what you're seeing is a play within a
play, just slow down, take a deep breath, and hold on for the ride
of your life.
19. If you ever go temporarily insane, don't shoot somebody, like a
lot of people do. Instead, try to get some weeding done, because
you'd really be surprised.
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分类：外语学习
价格：5.9玖币
属性：10 页
大小：25KB
格式：PDF
时间：2024-11-19
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