Stanislaw Lem - Automathew's Friend

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Table of Contents

Part 1. Alfred.

Part 2. The Storm.

Part 3. Friendly Advice.

Part 4. "Nearly Nowhere" and "Nowhere."

Part 5. Indestructible Friend.

Part 6. A Lifelong Grudge.

Part 1. Alfred

A certain robot, planning to go on a long and dangerous voyage,

heard of a most useful device which its inventor called an

electric

friend. He would feel better, he thought, if he had a companion,

even a companion that was only a machine, so he went to the

inventor

and asked to be shown an artificial friend.

"Sure," replied the inventor. (As you know, in fairy tales no one

says "sir" or "ma'am" to anyone else, not even to dragons, it's

only

with the kings that you have to stand on ceremony.) With this he

pulled from his pocket a handful of metal granules, that looked

fine shot.

"What is that?" said the robot in surprise.

"Tell me your name, for I forgot to ask it in the proper place of

this fairy tale," said the inventor.

"My name is Automatthew."

"That's too long for me, I'll call you Autom."

"Autom's from Automatom, but have it your way,-- replied the

other.

"Well then, Autommy my lad, you have here before you a batch of

electrofriends. You ought to know that by vocation and

specialization I am a miniaturizer. Which means I make large and

heavy mechanisms small and portable. Each one of these granules is

concentrate of electrical thought, highly versatile and

intelligent.

I won't say a genius, for that would be an exaggeration if not

false

advertising. True, my intention is precisely to create electrical

geniuses and I shall not rest until I have made them so very tiny

that it will be possible to carry thousands of them around in

your

vest pocket; the day I can pour them into sacks and sell them by

weight, like sand, I will have achieved my most cherished goal.

But

enough now of my plans for the future. For the time being I sell

electrofriends by the piece and cheaply at that: each costs as

much

as its weight in diamonds. You'll see, I think, how very

reasonable

the price is, when you consider that you can put an electrofriend

your ear, where it will whisper good advice and supply you with

all

kinds of information. Here's a bit of soft cotton, you stop up

the

ear with it so your friend won't fall out when you tilt your

head.

Will you take one? If you think you'd like a dozen, I might be

able

to arrange a discount..."

"No, one will do for now," said Automatthew. "But I'd like some

idea

of what I can expect of it. Will it be able to help me in a

difficult situation?"

"But of course, that's what it's for, after all!" replied the

inventor good-humoredly. He shook out on his palm a bunch of the

granules, which glittered metallically, being made of rare

metals,

and continued: "Obviously you can't count on help in the physical

sense, but we are not speaking of that, I think. Helpful hints,

suggestions, cogent comments, sensible recommendations, good

observations, admonitions, warnings, words of caution, as well as

comfort, solace, encouragement, maxims to restore your faith in

yourself, and deep insights that will enable you to cope with any

situation, no matter how serious or even grave--this is only a

small

part of the repertoire of my electrofriends. They are wholly

devoted, staunch, true, ever vigilant, because they never sleep;

they are also unbelievably durable, esthetic, and you can see for

yourself how very handy! So then, you are taking only one?"

"Yes," said Automatthew. "But there's another thing: could you

tell

me what happens if someone steals it from me? Will it return? Or

bring about the thief's destruction?"

"As for that, no," answered the inventor. "It will serve him just

diligently and faithfully as it did you. You can't ask too much,

dear Autom, it will not desert you in your hour of need if you do

not desert it. But there is little chance of that--if you will

just

place it in your ear and always keep the ear plugged up with

cotton..."

"Very well," agreed Automatthew. "And how am I to speak to it?"

"You needn't speak at all, whisper subvocally and it will hear

you

perfectly. As for its name, I call it Alfred. Alf or Alfie will

do."

"Good," said Automatthew.

They weighed Alfred, the inventor received for it a lovely little

diamond, and the robot, content that he now had a companion, a

fellow soul for the distant journey, proceeded on his way.

Part 2. The Storm

Back to: TOC | Lem

It was most pleasant traveling with Alfred, which, if he so

desired

it, would wake him each morning by whistling inside his head a

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Stanislaw Lem - Automathew's Friend

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