My Lady Caprice(我的无常夫人)

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My Lady Caprice

by Jeffrey Farnol

My Lady Caprice

TREASURE TROVE

I sat fishing. I had not caught anything, of course - I rarely do, nor

am I fond of fishing in the very smallest degree, but I fished assiduously

all the same, because circumstances demanded it.

It had all come about through Lady Warburton, Lisbeth's maternal aunt.

Who Lisbeth is you will learn if you trouble to read these veracious

narratives - suffice it for the present that she has been an orphan from her

youth up, with no living relative save her married sister Julia and her Aunt

(with a capital A) - the Lady Warburton aforesaid.

Lady Warburton is small and somewhat bony, with a sharp chin and a

sharper nose, and invariably uses lorgnette; also, she is possessed of much

worldly goods.

Precisely a week ago Lady Warburton had requested me to call upon

her - had regarded me with a curious exactitude through her lorgnette,

and gently though firmly (Lady Warburton is always firm) had suggested

that Elizabeth, though a dear child, was young and inclined to be a little

self-willed. That she (Lady Warburton) was of opinion that Elizabeth

had mistaken the friendship which had existed between us so long for

something stronger. That although she (Lady Warburton) quite

appreciated the fact that one who wrote books, and occasionally a play,

was not necessarily immoral - Still I was, of course, a terrible Bohemian,

and the air of Bohemia was not calculated to conduce to that degree of

matrimonial harmony which she (Lady Warburton) as Elizabeth's Aunt,

standing to her in place of a mother, could wish for. That, therefore,

under these circumstances my attentions were - etc., etc. Here I would

say in justice to myself that despite the torrent of her eloquence I had at

first made some attempt at resistance; but who could hope to contend

successfully against a woman possessed of such an indomitable nose and

chin, and one, moreover, who could level a pair of lorgnette with such

deadly precision? Still, had Lisbeth been beside me things might have

My Lady Caprice

been different even then; but she had gone away into the country - so Lady

Warburton had informed me. Thus alone and at her mercy, she had

succeeded in wringing from me a half promise that I would cease my

attentions for the space of six months, "just to give dear Elizabeth time to

learn her own heart in regard to the matter."

This was last Monday. On the Wednesday following, as I wandered

aimlessly along Piccadilly, at odds with Fortune and myself, but especially

with myself, my eye encountered the Duchess of Chelsea.

The Duchess is familiarly known as the "Conversational Brook" from

the fact that when once she begins she goes on forever. Hence, being in

my then frame of mind, it was with a feeling of rebellion that I obeyed the

summons of her parasol and crossed over to the brougham.

"So she's gone away?" was her greeting as I raised my hat - "Lisbeth,"

she nodded, "I happened to hear something about her, you know."

It is strange, perhaps, but the Duchess generally does "happen to hear"

something about everything. "And you actually allowed yourself to be

bullied into making that promise - Dick! Dick! I'm ashamed of you."

"How was I to help myself?" I began. "You see - "

"Poor boy !" said the Duchess, patting me affectionately with the

handle of her parasol, "it wasn't to be expected, of course. You see, I

know her - many, many years ago I was at school with Agatha Warburton."

"But she probably didn't use lorgnettes then, and - "

"Her nose was just as sharp though - 'peaky' I used to call it," nodded

the Duchess. "And she has actually sent Lisbeth away - dear child - and

to such a horrid, quiet little place, too, where she'll have nobody to talk to

but that young Selwyn.

"I beg pardon, Duchess, but - "

"Horace Selwyn, of Selwyn Park - cousin to Lord Selwyn, of

Brankesmere. Agatha has been scheming for it a long time, under the

rose, you know. Of course, it would be a good match, in a way -

wealthy, and all that - but I must say he bores me horribly - so very

serious and precise!"

"Really !"I exclaimed, "do you mean to say - "

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"I expect she will have them married before they know it - Agatha's

dreadfully determined. Her character lies in her nose and chin."

"But Lisbeth is not a child - she has a will of her own, and - "

"True," nodded the Duchess, "but is it a match for Agatha's chin? And

then, too, it is rather more than possible that you are become the object of

her bitterest scorn by now.

"But, my dear Duchess - "

"Oh, Agatha is a born diplomat. Of course she has written before this,

and without actually saying it has managed to convey the fact that you are

a monster of perfidy; and Lisbeth, poor child, is probably crying her eyes

out, or imagining she hates you, is ready to accept the first proposal she

receives out of pure pique."

"Great heavens!" I exclaimed, "what on earth can I do?"

"You might go fishing," the Duchess suggested thoughtfully.

"Fishing!" I repeated, " - er, to be sure, but - "

"Riverdale is a very pretty place they tell me," pursued the Duchess in

the same thoughtful tone; "there is a house there, a fine old place called

Fane Court. It stands facing the river, and adjoins Selwyn Park, I

believe."

"Duchess," I exclaimed, as I jotted down the address upon my cuff, "I

owe you a debt of gratitude that I can never - "

"Tut, tut !" said her Grace.

"I think I'll start to-day, and - "

"You really couldn't do better," nodded the duchess.

* * * * *

And so it befell that on this August afternoon I sat in the shade of the

alders fishing, with the smoke of my pipe floating up into the sunshine.

By adroit questioning I had elicited from mine host of the Three Jolly

Anglers the precise whereabouts of Fane Court, the abode of Lisbeth's

sister, and guided by his directions, had chosen this sequestered spot,

where by simply turning my head I could catch a glimpse of its tall

chimneys above the swaying green of the treetops.

It is a fair thing upon a summer's hot afternoon within some shady

My Lady Caprice

bower to lie upon one's back and stare up through a network of branches

into the limitless blue beyond, while the air is full of the stir of leaves, and

the murmur of water among the reeds. Or propped on lazy elbow, to

watch perspiring wretches, short of breath and purple of visage, urge boats

upstream or down, each deluding himself into the belief that he is

enjoying it. Life under such conditions may seem very fair, as I say; yet I

was not happy. The words of the Duchess seemed everywhere about me.

"You are become the object of her bitterest scorn by now," sobbed the

wind.

"You are become," etc., etc., moaned the river. It was therefore with

no little trepidation that I looked forward to my meeting with Lisbeth.

It was this moment that the bushes parted and a boy appeared. He

was a somewhat diminutive boy, clad in a velvet suit with a lace collar,

both of which were plentifully bespattered with mud. He carried his

shoes and stockings beneath one arm, and in the other hand swung a hazel

branch. He stood with his little brown legs well apart, regarding me with

a critical eye; but when at length he spoke his attitude was decidedly

friendly.

"Hallo, man!"

"Hallo," I returned; "and whom may you be?"

"Well," my real name is Reginald Augustus, but they call me 'The

Imp.'"

"I can well believe it," I said, eyeing his muddy person.

"If you please, what is an imp?"

"An imp is a sort of an - angel."

"But," he demurred, after a moment's thought, "I haven't got wings an'

things - or a trumpet."

"Your kind never do have wings and trumpets."

"Oh, I see," he said; and sitting down began to wipe the mud from his

legs with his stockings.

"Rather muddy, aren't you?" I hinted. The boy cast a furtive glance at

his draggled person.

"'Fraid I'm a teeny bit wet, too," he said hesitatingly. "You see, I've

My Lady Caprice

been playing at 'Romans" an' I had to wade, you know, because I was the

standard bearer who jumped into the sea waving his sword an' crying,

'Follow me!' You remember him, don't you? - he's in the history book."

"To be sure," I nodded; "a truly heroic character. But if you were the

Romans, where were the ancient Britons?"

"Oh, they were the reeds, you know; you ought to have seen me slay

them. It was fine; they went down like - like - "

"Corn before a sickle," I suggested.

"Yes, just!" he cried; "the battle raged for hours."

"You must be rather tired."

"'Course not," he answered, with an indignant look. "I'm not a girl

- and I'm nearly nine, too."

"I gather from your tone that you are not partial to the sex - you don't

like girls, eh, Imp?"

"Should think not," he returned; silly things, girls are. There's

Dorothy, you know; we were playing at executions the other day - she was

Mary Queen of Scots an' I was the headsman. I made a lovely axe with

wood and silver paper, you know; and when I cut her head off she cried

awfully, and I only gave her the weeniest little tap - an' they sent me to bed

at six o'clock for it. I believe she cried on purpose - awfully caddish,

wasn't it?"

"My dear Imp," said I, "the older you grow, the more the depravity of

the sex will become apparent to you."

"Do you know, I like you," he said, regarding me thoughtfully, "I think

you are fine."

"Now that's very nice of you, Imp; in common with my kind I have a

weakness for flattery-please go on."

"I mean, I think you are jolly."

"As to that," I said, shaking my head and sighing, "appearances are

often very deceptive; at the heart of many a fair blossom there is a canker

worm."

"I'm awfull' fond of worms, too," said the Imp.

"Indeed?"

My Lady Caprice

"Yes. I got a pocketful yesterday, only Aunty found out an' made me

let them all go again."

"Ah-yes," I said sympathetically; "that was the woman of it."

"I've only got one left now," continued the Imp; and thrusting a hand

into the pocket of his knickerbockers he drew forth six inches or so of

slimy worm and held it out to me upon his small, grimy palm.

"He's nice and fat!" I said.

"Yes," nodded the Imp; "I caught him under the gooseberry bushes;"

and dropping it back into his pocket he proceeded to don his shoes and

stockings.

"Fraid I'm a bit muddy," he said suddenly.

"Oh, you might be worse," I answered reassuringly.

"Do you think they'll notice it?" he inquired, contorting himself

horribly in order to view the small of his back.

"Well," I hesitated, "it all depends, you know."

"I don't mind Dorothy, or Betty the cook, or the governess - it's Auntie

Lisbeth I'm thinking about."

"Auntie - who?" I exclaimed, regardless of grammar.

" Auntie Lisbeth," repeated the Imp.

"What is she like?"

"Oh, she's grown up big, only she's nice. She came to take care of

Dorothy an' me while mother goes away to get nice an strong - oh Auntie

Lisbeth's jolly, you know."

"With black hair and blue eyes?"

The Imp nodded.

"And a dimple at the corner of her mouth?" I went on dreamily - " a

dimple that would lead a man to the - Old Gentleman himself."

"What old gentleman?"

"Oh, a rather disreputable old gentleman," I answered evasively.

"An' do you know my Auntie Lisbeth?"

"I think it extremely probable - in fact, I'm sure of it."

"Then you might end me your handkerchief, please; I tied mine to a

bush for a flag, you know, an' it blew away."

My Lady Caprice

"You'd better come here and I'll give you a rub-down my Imp." He

obeyed, with many profuse expressions of gratitude.

Hay you got any Aunties?" he inquired, as I laboured upon his miry

person.

"No," I answered, shaking my head; "unfortunately mine are all Aunts

and that is vastly different."

"Oh," said the Imp, regarding me with a puzzled expression; "are they

nice - I mean do they ever read to out of the history book, and help you to

sail boats, an' paddle?"

"Paddle?" I repeated

"Yes. My Auntie Lisbeth does. The other day we got up awfull'

early an' went for a walk an' we came to the river, so we took off our shoes

an' stockings an' we paddled; it was ever so jolly, you know. An' when

Auntie wasn't looking I found a frog an' put it in her stocking."

"Highly strategic, my Imp! Well?"

"It was awful funny," he said, smiling dreamily. "When she went to

put it on she gave a little high-up scream like Dorothy does when I pinch

her a bit - an' then she throwed them both away, 'cause she was afraid

there was frogs in both of them. Then she put on her shoes without any

stockings at all, so I hid them."

"Where?" I cried eagerly.

"Reggie!" called a voice some distance away - a voice I recognised

with a thrill. "Reggie!"

"Imp, would you like half a crown?"

"'Course I would; but you might clean my back, please," and he began

rubbing himself feverishly with his cap, after the fashion of a scrubbing

brush.

"Look here," I said, pulling out the coin, "tell me where you hid them -

quick - and I'll give you this." The Imp held out his hand, but even as he

did so the bushes parted and Lisbeth stood before us. She gave a little,

low cry of surprise at sight of me, and then frowned.

"You?" she exclaimed.

"Yes," I answered, raising my cap. And there I stopped, trying

My Lady Caprice

frantically to remember the speech I had so carefully prepared - the

greeting which was to have explained my conduct and disarmed her

resentment at the very outset. But rack my brain as I would, I could

think of nothing but the reproach in her eyes - her disdainful mouth and

chin - and that one haunting phrase:

"'I suppose I am become the object of your bitterest scorn by now?'" I

found myself saying.

"My aunt informed me of - of everything, and naturally - "

"Let me explain," I began.

"Really, it is not at all necessary."

"But, Lisbeth, I must - I insist - "

"Reginald," she said, turning toward the Imp, who was still busy with

his cap, "it's nearly tea-time, and - why, whatever have you been doing to

yourself?"

"For the last half hour," I interposed, "we have been exchanging our

opinions on the sex."

"An' talking 'bout worms," added the Imp. "This man is fond of

worms, too, Auntie Lisbeth - I like him."

"Thanks," I said; "but let me beg of you to drop your very distant

mode of address, Call me Uncle Dick,"

"But you're not my Uncle Dick, you know," he demurred.

"Not yet, perhaps; but there's no knowing what may happen some day

if your Auntie thinks us worthy - so take time by the forelock, my Imp,

and call me Uncle Dick."

Whatever Lisbeth might or might not have said was checked by the

patter of footsteps, and a little girl tripped into view, with a small, fluffy

kitten cuddled in her arms.

"Oh, Auntie Lisbeth,"she began, but stopped to stare at me over the

back of the fluffy kitten. "Hallo, Dorothy!" cried the imp; "this is Uncle

Dick. You can come an' shake hands with him if you like."

"I didn't know I had an Uncle Dick," said Dorothy, hesitating.

"Oh, yes; it's all right," answered the Imp reassuringly. "I found him,

you know, an' he likes worms, too!"

My Lady Caprice

"How do you do, Uncle Dick?" she said in a quaint, old-fashioned way.

"Reginald is always finding things, you know, an' he likes worms, too!"

Dorothy gave me her hand demurely.

>From somewhere near by there came the silvery chime of a bell.

"Why, there's the tea-bell!" exclaimed Lisbeth; "and, Reginald, you

have to change those muddy clothes. Say good-bye to Mr. Brent,

children, and come along."

"Imp," I whispered as the others turned away, "where did you hide

those stockings?" And I slipped the half crown into his ready palm.

"Along the river there's a tree - very big an' awfull' fat, you know, with

a lot of stickie-out branches, an' a hole in its stomach - they're in there."

"Reginald!" called Lisbeth.

"Up stream or down?"

"That way," he answered, pointing vaguely down stream; and with a

nod that brought the yellow curls over his eyes he scampered off.

"Along the river," I repeated, "in a big, fat tree with a lot of stickie-out

branches!" It sounded a trifle indefinite, I thought - still I could but try.

So having packed up my rod I set out upon the search.

It was strange, perhaps, but nearly every tree I saw seemed to be either

"big" or "fat" - and all of them had "stickie-out" branches.

Thus the sun was already low in the west, and I was lighting my fifth

pipe when I at length observed the tree in question.

A great pollard oak it was, standing upon the very edge of the stream,

easily distinguishable by its unusual size and the fact that at some time or

another it had been riven by lightning. After all, the Imp's description

had been in the main correct; it was "fat," immensely fat: and I hurried

joyfully forward.

I was still some way off when I saw the distant flutter of a white skirt,

and - yes, sure enough, there was Lisbeth, walking quickly too, and she

was a great deal nearer the tree than I.

Prompted by a sudden conviction, I dropped my rod and began to run.

Immediately Lisbeth began running, too. I threw away my creel and

sprinted for all I was worth. I had earned some small fame at this sort of

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MyLadyCaprice1MyLadyCapricebyJeffreyFarnolMyLadyCaprice2ITREASURETROVEIsatfishing.Ihadnotcaughtanything,ofcourse-Irarelydo,noramIfondoffishingintheverysmallestdegree,butIfishedassiduouslyallthesame,becausecircumstancesdemandedit.IthadallcomeaboutthroughLadyWarburton,Lisbeth'smaternalaunt.WhoLisbethi...

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My Lady Caprice(我的无常夫人)

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