
“I was brought up Catholic,” I said, settling onto a chair in front of her. “I'm not anymore, but that's
not the secret. My parents sent me to Mary, Mother of God High School; we called it Moogoo. It was
run by a couple of old priests, Father Thomas and his wife, Mother Jennifer. Father Tom taught physics,
which I got a ‘D’ in, mostly because he talked like he had walnuts in his mouth. Mother Jennifer taught
theology and had all the warmth of a marble pew; her nickname was Mama Moogoo.
“One night, just two weeks before my graduation, Father Tom and Mama Moogoo went out in their
Chevy Minimus for ice cream. On the way home, Mama Moogoo pushed a yellow light and got
broadsided by an ambulance. Like I said, she was old, a hundred and twenty something; they should've
lifted her license back in the '50s. She was killed instantly. Father Tom died in the hospital.
“Of course, we were all supposed to feel sorry for them and I guess I did a little, but I never really
liked either of them and I resented the way their deaths had screwed things up for my class. So I was
more annoyed than sorry, but then I also had this edge of guilt for being so uncharitable. Maybe you'd
have to grow up Catholic to understand that. Anyway, the day after it happened they called an assembly
in the gym and we were all there squirming on the bleachers and the cardinal himself telepresented a
sermon. He kept trying to comfort us, like it had been our parents that had died. When I made a joke
about it to the kid next to me, I got caught and spent the last week of my senior year with an in-school
suspension.”
Kamala had finished her tea. She slid the empty cup into one of the holders built into the table.
“Want some more?” I said.
She stirred restlessly. “Why are you telling me this?”
“It's part of the secret.” I leaned forward in my chair. “See, my family lived down the street from
Holy Spirit Cemetery and in order to get to the carryvan line on McKinley Ave., I had to cut through.
Now this happened a couple of days after I got in trouble at the assembly. It was around midnight and I
was coming home from a graduation party where I had taken a couple of pokes of insight, so I was
feeling sly as a philosopher-king. As I walked through the cemetery, I stumbled across two dirt mounds
right next to each other. At first I thought they were flower beds, then I saw the wooden crosses. Fresh
graves: here lies Father Tom and Mama Moogoo. There wasn't much to the crosses: they were basically
just stakes with crosspieces, painted white and hammered into the ground. The names were hand printed
on them. The way I figure it, they were there to mark the graves until the stones got delivered. I didn't
need any insight to recognize a once in a lifetime opportunity. If I switched them, what were the chances
anyone was going to notice? It was no problem sliding them out of their holes. I smoothed the dirt with
my hands and then ran like hell.”
Until that moment, she'd seemed bemused by my story and slightly condescending toward me. Now
there was a glint of alarm in her eyes. “That was a terrible thing to do,” she said.
“Absolutely,” I said, “although the dinos think that the whole idea of planting bodies in graveyards
and marking them with carved rocks is weepy. They say there is no identity in dead meat, so why get so
sentimental about it? Linna keeps asking how come we don't put markers over our shit. But that's not the
secret. See, it'd been a warmish night in the middle of June, only as I ran, the air turned cold. Freezing, I
could see my breath. And my shoes got heavier and heavier, like they had turned to stone. As I got
closer to the back gate, it felt like I was fighting a strong wind, except my clothes weren't flapping. I
slowed to a walk. I know I could have pushed through, but my heart was thumping and then I heard this
whispery seashell noise and I panicked. So the secret is I'm a coward. I switched the crosses back and I
never went near that cemetery again. As a matter of fact,” I nodded at the walls of reception room D on
Tuulen Station, “when I grew up, I got about as far away from it as I could.”
She stared as I settled back in my chair. “True story,” I said and raised my right hand. She seemed
so astonished that I started laughing. A smile bloomed on her dark face and suddenly she was giggling
too. It was a soft, liquid sound, like a brook bubbling over smooth stones; it made me laugh even harder.
Her lips were full and her teeth were very white.
“Your turn,” I said, finally.
“Oh, no, I could not.” She waved me off. “I don't have anything so good.…” She paused, then
frowned. “You have told that before?”