
practicing psychoanalysis: He pulled a pencil and a little red notebook from his shirt pocket and began
taking notes of his own! Rather amused by this, I asked him what he was jotting down. He replied that he
had thought of something to include in his report. I inquired as to the nature of this "report." He said it
was his custom to compile a description of the various places he visited and beings he encountered
throughout the galaxy. It appeared that the patient was examining the doctor! It was my turn to smile.
Not wanting to inhibit his activities in any way, I did not press him to show me what he had written,
though I was more than a little curious. Instead, I asked him to tell me something about his boyhood on
"K-PAX" (i.e., Earth).
He said, "The region I was born in - incidentally, we are born on K-PAX, just like you, and the
process is much the same, only-well, we'll get into that later, I suppose...."
"Why don't we go into it now?"
He paused briefly, as if taken aback, but quickly recovered. The little grin, however, was gone. "If
you wish. Our anatomy is much like yours, as you know from the physical examination. The physiology is
also similar, but, unlike on EARTH, the reproduction process is quite unpleasant."
"What makes it unpleasant?"
"It is a very painful procedure."
Ah, I thought, a breakthrough: Mr. "prot" very possibly suffers some sort of sexual terror or
dysfunction. I quickly pursued this lead. "Is this pain associated with intercourse itself, with ejaculation, or
merely with obtaining an erection?"
"It is associated with the entire process. Where these activities result in pleasurable sensations for
beings such as yourself, for us the effect is quite the opposite. This applies both to the males and females
of our species and, incidentally, to most other beings around the GALAXY as well.""Can you compare
the sensation to anything else I might be able to understand or identify with? Is it, like a toothache, or-"
"It's more like having your gonads caught in a vise, except that we feel it all over. You see, on
K-PAX pain is more general, and to make matters worse it is associated with something like your
nausea, accompanied by a very bad smell. The moment of climax is like being kicked in the stomach and
falling into a pool of mot shit."
"Did you say mot shit? What is a `mot'?"
"An animal something like your skunk, only far more potent."
"I see." Unforgivably I began to laugh. This image coupled with the dark glasses and suddenly serious
demeanor -- well, as they say, you had to be there. He grinned broadly then, apparently understanding
how it must have sounded to me. I managed to regain my composure and carry on. "And you say it is the
same for a woman?"
"Exactly the same. As you can imagine, women on KPAX do not strive very hard to reach orgasm."
"If the experience is so terrible, how do you reproduce?"
"Like your porcupines: as carefully as possible. Needless to say, overpopulation is not a problem for
us." "What about something like surgical implantation?"
"You are distorting the importance of the phenomenon. You have to bear in mind that since the life
span for our species is a thousand of your years, there is little need to produce children."
"I see... All right. I'd like to get back to your own childhood. Can you tell me a little about your
upbringing? What were your parents like?"
"That's a little difficult to explain. Life on K-PAX is quite different from that on EARTH. In order for
you to understand my background, I will have to tell you something about our evolution." He paused at
that point, as if wondering whether I would be interested in hearing what he had to say. I encouraged him
to proceed. "Well, I suppose the best place to start is at the beginning. Life on KPAX is much older than
life on EARTH, which began about two-point-five billion years ago. Homo sapiens has existed on your
PLANET for only a few tens of thousands of years, give or take a millennium or two. On K-PAX, life
began nearly nine billion of your years ago, when your WORLD was still a diffuse ball of gas. Our own
species has been around for five billion of those years, considerably longer than your bacteria.
Furthermore, evolution took a quite different course. You see, we have very little water on our