
* * *
When Jocelyn was fifteen, she met two boys while playing tennis at the country club. One of them was
named Mike, the other Steven. They were, at first glance, average boys. Mike was taller and thinner,
with a prominent Adam’s apple and glasses that turned to headlights in the sun. Steven had better
shoulders and a nice smile but a fat ass.
Mike’s cousin Pauline was visiting from New York, and they introduced themselves to Jocelyn because
they needed a fourth for doubles. Jocelyn had been working on her serve with the club pro. She wore
her hair in a high ponytail that summer, with bangs like Sandra Dee inTake Her, She’s Mine. She had
breasts, pointy at first, but now rounding. Her mother had bought her a two-piece bathing suit with
egg-cup shaping, in which Jocelyn was exquisitely self-conscious. But her best feature, she always
believed, had been her serve. Her toss that day was perfect, tak-ing her to full stretch, and she spun the
ball into the service court. It seemed she couldn’t miss. Her spirits, as a consequence, were high and
wild.
Neither Mike nor Steven spoiled things by being particularly competitive. They split games sometimes,
and sometimes they didn’t; no one really kept score but Jocelyn, and she did so only privately. They
traded partners. Pauline was such a little snot, ac-cusing people of foot faults in a friendly game, that
Jocelyn looked better and better by comparison. Mike said she was a good sport, and Steven said she
wasn’t a bit stuck-up, not like most girls.
They continued to meet and play after Pauline went back home, even though three was such an
awkward number. Some-times when they rallied, Mike or Steven would try to run from one side of the
net to the other to play on both teams at once. It
never worked and they never stopped trying. Eventually some adult would accuse them of not being
serious and throw them off the court.
After tennis, they’d change into their swimsuits and meet at the pool. Everything about Jocelyn changed
with her clothes. When she came out of the women’s locker room, her movements were cramped and
tight. She’d wrap a towel around her waist and remove it only to slip into the water.
Still, she liked when they stared; she felt the pleasure of it all over her skin. They came in after her,
touching her under the water, where no one could see. One or the other would swim down to put his
head between her legs and surface with her knees hooked around his shoulders, the water from her
ponytail streaming into the cup over her breast. One day one of them, she never knew which, pulled the
knot of her top loose. She caught it just as it began to drop. She could have stopped this with a word,
but she didn’t. She felt dangerous, brazen. She felt all lit up.
She had no desire for anything further. She didn’t actually like Mike or Steven that much, and certainly
not in that way. When she lay in her bed or the bath, touching herself more intimately and successfully
than they did, the boy she pictured was Mike’s older brother, Bryan. Bryan went to college and worked
sum-mers as a lifeguard at the pool. He looked the way a lifeguard looks. Mike and Steven called him
the boss, he called them the squirts. He had never spoken to Jocelyn, possibly didn’t even know her
name. He had a girlfriend who rarely got wet, but lay on a beach chair reading Russian novels and
drinking Coca- Cola. You could tell how many she’d drunk from the maraschino cherries lined up along
her napkin.